Village bullies - time to move?

It reminds me of those awful men on the Parish council that Jackie Wheeler had to deal with

Is there a village Whatsapp? That can be useful for getting a feel for what's going on and where you might have allies. Also, it's useful for getting rid of stuff you don't want (has to be for free) and talking to people who come and pick it up. Village people like newbies to contribute so have a look out for events that require raffle prizes or cake making as that's a nice easy way to show you're taking part.

Don’t move but maybe speak to police about continuous unfounded harrassment. See if they can “have a word” to whoever is bitching about you to maybe stop wasting police time.

Don't move. When people block you in your drive take pictures, and make your own complaint.

This is the craziest shit I've ever read on Mumsnet, Jesus f c. Why hasn't anyone who isn't siding with the nutters, standing up for what's right? This is borderline harassment 😵

It’s honestly because you are a single mother and to these people have no status. I’m not saying it’s right, but if I had a child there I wouldn’t stick at it. Try other members of the village but if you get nowhere, get packing. People like this don’t improve

Why do they object to parking on the road? Is there a valid reason, such as the school bus not being able to get past easily, or it causing problems for tractors. Or does it cause issues for pedestrians with children or buggies?

Don't let them drive you away, but try to work out if there is a genuine grievance. If not, just maintain calm quiet indifference at their attitude.

Also, they probably presume you're renting because as I said above, single mother resentment. Which usually comes from those who like to stereotype. Again, from experience, prejudice against renters is still very much a thing in many communities, infuriatingly and frankly, bafflingly so.

Sounds like single mother hatred. I know that one well enough 🙄
Don't let them win

Accept that these people will never be your friends and have the absolute bare minimum to do with them. You share a postcode, not a friendship.

Look on the bright side - if they don’t like you, they won’t be trying to drag you into tedious village politics or wanting to know all your business. Enjoy the freedom of it, knowing you can think and say what you like about them, because you have nothing to lose.

I have lived in several villages, a couple were very, very tiny.

I live in one now. And it's actually been lush, the people have been ace. One arse posted something shit about us to the local group online and what felt like everyone else shot them down for it and we had a big apology. Despite the issues with our house, we can't imagine living anywhere else now.

But I lived in a very tiny village just into the Rhondda valley, beautiful tiny place with a certain mining museum in it, and oh God it was appalling. We received the most vicious and vile treatment before we had even finished moving things in on day one.

We didn't stay. And I don't regret not staying. Least of all because at the start of 2020 the street flooded so badly that the picture of our old house had water 2/3 the way up the front door.

When we knew we would be living in a valleys village again, I threw myself into volunteering at a local miners welfare hall & met so many people. Made myself known and useful. Chatted to everyone in the few local businesses.

It really helps to involve yourself in the community.

But don't stay if it gets to a point where you don't feel safe or it's wrecking your health.

The League of Gentlemen

A local shop for local people

Small villages seem to be full of lots of bored people with too much time on their hands because there's fuck all to do

So they direct it at other villagers so they have something collectively to moan about

It sound utterly horrific

Sorry I am writing this as a passenger in the car so my last post is full of mistakes but hopefully it makes sense

My friend lives in a small village and she is one of the very few that will talk to people who have moved into the nearby new housing estate. Obviously the villagers completely opposed it but when it got approved did they just accept it? Not they didn’t

There were meetings held by the majority of village to see if they could bar any kids from the new builds going to the village primary school (they couldn’t)

They were up in arms when they realised the postal address for the new builds would include the name of the village and did everything to try and get this changed?

The shop owner was told he would be boycotted if he served any of the people form the new build. Luckily he was not batshit crazy and ignored them. They soon came around after a couple of weeks of having to go somewhere else when they needed milk/bread etc.

So now the new builds are up and the people in them are ignored by most of the village, some won’t even let their kids play with the new build kids. If may events are happening in the village no flyers or deliveries to the new houses.
My mate thought this would all die down but 18month on it’s still the same. Thought they have just got a few new people on the village council who don’t hold a grudge so hopefully things will change.

I thought to myself it can’t be that bad until a met someone who had moved into one of the new houses whose husband plays cricket with my husband. She confirmed she will be walking down the street and people will turn the other way.

Don't move after all your hard work. Just try to ignore their petty nonsense.

I have an issue with my neighbours which for a long time really upset me.

Now I just carry on with my life and refuse to waste time worrying

Agree with standing your ground and killing with kindness. These lot sound small minded and perhaps not very bright.

Categorically don’t move on the basis of this behaviour alone.

I smiled when I read your post because it sounds so familiar. Much like every village I have ever lived in.

The secret is to avoid the petty / unfriendly people in the village and find one or two you like. Hopefully that will be easier when your DC starts school.

The building work is over, you have no worries about the business and that just leaves the parking. Is that causing a nuisance / irritation?

I have a neighbour whose visitors (often two or three at a time) always park outside my house or in my driveway parking space, despite the fact that she has plenty or parking space at her own property. She also leaves her overflowing bins on the pavement right outside my kitchen window, sometimes for days at a time, has loud parties and tries to convince us that she is not running a business from her outhouse. Despite the fact that it is patently clear that she is doing so.

None of that excites me too much, but it is an irritation and an indication of how there are always two ways of looking at everything.

She probably thinks her neighbours are standoffish, I find her irritating, but try to convince myself she is not being deliberately disrespectful. Other neighbours are much more upset by her behaviour.

I think living happily in a village requires an extra level of sensitivity / empathy. I go out of my way not to upset my neighbours, try to contribute to community life by helping at village events etc and try my hardest to turn a blind eye when a neighbour does something that irritates me.

Don't move, Try to become part of the wider village community and give it time !!

@Joyjazz Are you in my village? That’s the sort of crap a few of us have experienced over the years.

My particular problems have been a newspaper article about us unlawfully wanting to move a footpath (it was lawfully repositioned), numerous objections to various planning applications, many with bile directed at us. (PPs all approved), letters about not providing a stile (why would we?) into our land, being shouted at for actually driving a car (too big), holly hedges grown outwards to scratch our cars, tin tacks on our drive, cutting a fence and taking our land (fence reinstated PDQ), rumours about what DH did for a living and bungs (no, he’s not a property developer) because we got pp, attending an Inquiry about another footpath issue and telling the Inspector we bribed everyone to support the footpath diversion by buying them all theatre tickets (untrue and accuser told to withdraw comment), We were reported to council as we resurfaced a bridleway. The council abandoned it as a road in 1948 so was potholed. Neighbour objected to surface. Plenty more incidents.

Neighbours had shed burnt down before we moved in.. Another neighbour was reported to have asbestos on his land (he didn’t), Nasty things written about others seeking pp - all
the time. Lies. Relentless picking on new people. Still happening to us after 37 years. Still here but we ignore half the village Total shits who don’t deserve a second of our time! Your problems are mundane in comparison to the shit here!

Oh I’d kill them with kindness. Invite them all round for drinks one evening…alcohol always helps 🙂

Be charming to them, and maybe structure the invite around the fact that as the building work is finished, maybe they’d like to take a look?

Then they won’t probably be so un neighbourly towards you. If any of the contentious issues crop up, you can discuss in person.

I live in a village in a newish house that had a lot of opposition when it was built.

The guys who were most against it were one of the first people I had over. We now have a far better relationship. We’ll never be best buddies but they begrudgingly agreed that it ‘was quite a nice house’ 🤣

Call the police if they block you in. Show the bastards you won't be intimidated!!!!!

It’s awful but definitely ride it out. Just play polite and let it wash over you the best you can. Over time they will mellow. Don’t ever trust any of them but don’t let them win!!

Have you considered giving them all glitter? Not even in a bottle, just lots of glitter. That will make you even more popular 😁

Seriously, this is awful but from what I've read on mumsnet not unique to you at all, it seems lots of people experience this in villages.
Personally I'd talk to them, drop off some honey and casually drop the fact it's not a commercial business into chat. (BTW I would love a neighbour who kept bees! I enjoy interesting people, come live near me!) Be pleasant but not too friendly they don't realise you have your wits.

Not nice neighbours can take the shine off a place, but you don't work with them, socialise with them, they're just there, doing their dull shitty thing, ignore them and do your nice happy thing. Fuck em.

And probably don't give them glitter unless they're real arseholes to you.

If you try to sell you have to complete the sellers pack which includes specific questions about disputes with neighbours / parking etc. if you didn’t declare this and the new owners were subject to the same treatment they would have recourse legally to you. Anyway why should you move and make a loss - I’m sure bridges can be built.

The noise of the building work has finished. The running of a food business has been dealt with and the other issue of visitors parking - only you will know whether it is unreasonable i.e. could they park on your drive ? , it the road narrow etc. and whether you could make alternative arrangements - ask what the neighbours do.

Villages can be tricky for “incomers” as usually the neighbours have been there together for a “million” years and have fallen into a routine which works for all, and probably your house was owned by a long standing member of the village and in their minds no need to do any work as the house was “lovely” .

I’m sure everything will calm down now the building works have finished and if you ask for their advice about the parking I’m sure you can build good neighbourly relations.

There will be clans in the village too, there will be a group of people who hate these ones. Find them.