Village bullies - time to move?

I think once your child starts school you will naturally feel more ingratiated into the local community, so stick it out. I found it hard to make friends where I live initially but once school started I developed a lovely network of like-minded people in similar circumstances to me, and I feel like I have found my place a bit more now.

@EnjoythemoneyJane We have a self imposed hierarchy. Definitely not longest residents. We are one of those. More to do with who’s prepared to uphold self imposed rules and complain. They find each other. We are so lucky not to need village people or events. In fact we aren’t a village either. Just around 30 houses. We are here solely due to location and a refusal to be pushed out.

The shit person who fenced off part of our wood as an annexe for his shepherds hut (yes, you couldn’t make it up) is a Professor. Thinks he’s superior. We removed his fence and put up our own in the correct place. He knew where the boundary was. Cheeky as hell. Trust no one.

We moved nearly 30 years ago, it was horrible as neighbours were so nasty. I wish I'd packed up and left then. I did all the apologising and being nice. It just meant they saw me as a fool who they could walk over. DH is 80 and disabled and won't move now, for years it was hard due to schools and so on. I'm trapped and my advice to the OP is the opposite to yours, I'd say leave now.

You don’t need to put anything about “disputes” that aren’t with solicitors or police. Awful neighbours aren’t an issue. A bigger issue is a quick sale. Just don’t mention village harassment. If you report it to the police, you will have to mention it. We’ve had the bin stunt too. My neighbour refused to let me get out of my car on my own drive. Held the door closed. I should have called the police.

When we were proved right about not providing a stile in a field fence, the complaining person wrote to us and said “you were right ON THIS OCCASION”. As we make a point of doing what we should, we just had a laugh. These people just don’t know when to stop.

Jealousy - hard as it is, try to ignore it if you can. I live in a rural hamlet (not even enough people to call it a village), and whilst most people are nice and it’s a sociable community, it’s very, very insular and couldn’t be more different from city living.

There is a weird sort of hierarchy, in which people who’ve been here the longest (particularly those who’ve grown up here and live in inherited property) feel proprietorial about everything - including their neighbours’ houses/gardens/land/road access - especially when those neighbours are ‘new’ (anyone resident for less than about 20 years). Houses are referred to as ‘Joan & Geoff’s place’, even though Joan and Geoff haven’t lived there for 40 years and are probably dead.

There have been some long-running beefs between certain households, and everybody gossips and pitches in with opinions on what people should or shouldn’t be doing, so tensions can be whipped up quite quickly - and some people are just vindictive and nothing pleases them more than being given a reason to spy on and police their neighbours, so it suits them to keep stirring.

One of the cardinal sins is home improvement/alteration of any description. Most of the old timers live in places that are virtually falling down round their ears, so woe betide anyone coming in with notions of putting on a small extension or whatever. There’ll be dark mutterings about ‘why buy a house here just to alter it?’, complaints about noise, access, etc, probably a few anonymous calls to the council, definitely objections to planning permission. But it’s all basically down to jealousy - they don’t like change and they don’t like to see other people spending money.

As someone said upthread, OP, hang on in there. There will be nice, normal people around and you’ll eventually find them. Make an effort to get involved in community stuff as far as you can and find a few friends. You won’t be the only person to have suffered at the hands of these few arseholes. Don’t let them drive you out of your lovely home.

Find some crack addict pimps, sell your house at a loss to them, that'll show them!

If you sold up you would need to declare as there are specific questions in the sellers pack and certainly if you reported to the police. If you failed to do so and the buyer suffered the same they could come back to you legally for misrepresentation.

We're in a similar position but have had so much interference from being reported for anything we do, from renting a room to putting up a fence in the garden (on our land), we've had letters through our door & even a dead magpie left on our doorstep, oh & the parking....! It's the stuff folk horror book's are made of. We've been here 6 months & are now moving, are also set to lose money but in our case it's so bad we don't care anymore.

In your position I'd give myself a timeframe & if it doesn't pan out you aren't stuck there life is too short, move

We had this when we moved to a new development in a village! My teacher actually told the other children not to speak to me in case they “caught” my accent.

That was almost 40 years ago, and our end of the village is still known as “that new estate”. Most of the village houses date from the 60s and 70s, so why people still have their knickers in such a twist about an 80s housing development I have no idea.

This same village also tried to stop a wind turbine being built on “Mill Post Hill”, sacred site of a former windmill which collapsed in the 50s. You might think putting a windmill up on the site of a previous windmill would be welcomed, but no, apparently it is disrespectful to the memory of the former windmill.

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through.

If you do decide to move, make sure you sell to the most anti social people possible. Preferably with several kids.

Stick it out, enjoy your beautiful house and peaceful surroundings.

These people aren't important to you. You might find things change a bit when your child starts school and you get to know more people in the wider area but until then sod it, how often do you need to speak to them?

The building works are over, have an objective look at the parking situation (not that they should have blocked you in) but in case there's somewhere visitors can go that will affect their visibility less when pulling out or something.

Try to see the funny side of honey gate. That shows they're petty and set in their ways in the extreme but most likely harmless. I would consider a beautiful handmade sign saying 'honeybee cottage' or similar.

Don't bother to try and win them round other than being civil as you normally would. It's change they can't process, not you personally.

We've just moved to a small rural town (not even a village) and people here hate it when people move here from the city. We're destroying the local community somehow (???) We just laugh it off to be honest, i certainly wouldnt let them push me out. There's a ton of new builds going up and I already feel sorry for the people who buy them.

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld DH and me are the only ones here who are born and bred around here! It’s those who discover the countryside who are the worst. They want it preserved in aspic. They want everything “traditional”. It’s totally ridiculous.

I also attempted to join in when we moved in. It soon became clear that there’s a cabal with no interest in welcoming anyone. They admit people like them. So it’s a very divided community. They are the serial objectors but also run events. So we now go to nothing. However we are super busy and don’t miss anything put on by the village. DH has a drink with a few guys. I do nothing here socially but in 37 years, we’ve never been invited anywhere, despite hosting things here.

The village “ball” was bring your own food to the village common and set up a gazebo! They can have that happily without us. A few of us ran the village ball 30 years ago and it was good fun. Then they argued about it (they didn’t like the caterer making a profit!) and a resident reported it to the council because of noise at 11 pm! I knew who it was. We were raising money to refurbish the village hall. It’s just impossible to please everyone.

So I reality would stand your ground and don’t be driven out. A few people might be normal. As for the road - park in it!

@Joyjazz you are not being unreasonable but seriously, I would rise above their shit!! keep you head up and stay where you are with your child. village life is better for your child. In my village you are not really classed as a local till you have been here about 20 years!!

Agreed. Fawning over bullies only makes them worse. OP should ignore them and log harrassment with the police. And focus on finding as many allies as possible, whether from the village or elsewhere.

Utter shits. Hope your bees sting them...somehow.

This is terrible advice. OP has done nothing wrong. I would not move a single muscle to pander to these people!

Ps, I really don't think you have to disclose "the neighbours are as cold as ice" if they're not running a business, breeding loud dogs, hosting band practice....

I'm a single parent and I think some of the very ordinary neighbours were champing at the bit to look down on somebody.

So they are discriminating against you because of your marital status as you are a single mother. Worth remembering if it gets to the stage of having to report it to the police.

Yes before you move, try to rise above it one last time "I feel like you"ve been unneighbourly (cold) towards me. Is that your intention?"

Nothing to lose if you're thinking of moving. My last neighbours were awful. Really iced me. Couldn't get a nod hello out of them. New ones are drilling and sawing and banging at all hours but I know it will die down soon.