Village bullies - time to move?

Should have said school was in a bigger village. Our catchment school. Most dc in our settlement didn’t go to it. A few dc did eventually at junior level but by then dd wasn’t friends with them. It was tougher than I expected.

We don’t have a school where I live. When dd started nursery there were obvious cliques. I did find another left out parent but by y6 we were still a rarity and not admitted to existing cliques. You have to form your own.

guessing the Op has shuffled off

OP…. best not to post a load of contradictory threads about being a single mum of a new born one week, then having trouble with your MIL the next week, referring to a DH the next week, and then back to single mum this week. All in the space of 2/3 months

Are they old? I'd ride it out.

Hugs to you. I felt very sad reading your post as I had neighbours from hell that were a nightmare. All things being said I’d stay put as it seems like you’ve invested time and money and neighbours aside love where you live. They may never be your friends but that’s fine.

My lovely friend has had a lot of grief from village ‘friends’ because although she grew up in a council house, she has been able to afford to move to a large detached house.

They are sooo obviously just envious.

You need to start playing a game here. They are targeting you because stuff you do is pissing them off. It doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to do it but it’s pissing then off and so they were acting like bullies.

if where your visitors are parking is causing an issue then is there a different place your visitors could park? I know they are entitled to park outside your house but is there anywhere that right now isn’t as problematic, if so get them to park there.

The builders noise was temporary so hopefully that’s over now. So my next plan would be to join the residents group on Facebook and get involved in other local stuff and make friends. What you need is a network around you so these bullies will back off. Local food bank, local church, local anything worthwhile and volunteer led and get involved. Honestly once you start to get to know decent local people you will feel a million times better about your neighbours being dicks.

I don’t recognize village life but I do recognize bullying. Of course bullies always pick who they perceive as vulnerable people who won’t fight back or don’t have a support system. It may be cloaked in corduroy and folksy tradition (the cleaners car parking😂) but its bullying. Absolutely don’t move. Put the bins back and record it on doorbell then confront them. Or better yet if you can lay in wait and confront them in the act. As for the parking sure use the drive if you can and if you can’t one goes in front of your house. every neighborhood in the world is affected temporarily by visitors or parties. It’s temporary. And be friendly to those who are friendly but don’t worry about making friends of these bullies. The thing they have supporting their friendship IS bullying. Read up on bullying and tips for handling it. This is bullying birthplace I’m sure…little cliques who don’t want anyone to have what they have or be like them.

I’ve always thought I’d hate to live in a village and this thread has only confirmed it!!

sorry OP - I agree with those saying stick it out till your DC is in school as that can be a community in itself if you want it to be. And while moving schools is always a disruption you would want to avoid, moving between R and year 1 isn’t the most difficult transition.

Tip over the bins, place a giant butt plug in amongst the rubbish. Then take a photo & post on the village FB pages to ask who the bins belong too.....😂😜

I am not the sort of person who apologised for not doing anything wrong. Kow tow just elevates them even more. I worked out who the doyens of the village were - very quickly, and who the ring leaders were who complained about everything. DH and me did stand up to them. We’ve had to put up with a catalogue of complaints but we always win. Because we are in the right. It’s provided us with like minded friends. Others still love reporting folk, not including them, objecting to every planning application etc. It will never stop so I’m not being nice by offering anything to them. What on earth is the point? Thd leopards won’t change their spots.

I didn't mention the bins what I am saying is don't escalate things.

I can just imagine what these people are like 😏
Don’t be bullied from your lovely home.

re: “I forgot to mention that on bin day, one of the neighbours moves all the full bins to block my driveway and front door.

Ive read your posts but NRTFT -
Do you have a Ring doorbell or similar to film them doing this and other petty Mcpetty deeds.
If not, get one, start to collate your evidence and post it all over local Facebook groups for the world to see what absolute bullying pricks they are 💪🏻

Fuck them! Don't move because of them!

I found I got bullied a lot when I was a single mum because I was on my own. I lived in a town in a nice house that I bought and it was just non stop.
When the people next door one of whom was a health visitor began throwing cat poo at my front door I had to report it to the police. I was very upset.
There were loads of cats in the neighbourhood, they had no way of knowing it was my cat.
As soon as I got a boyfriend all of this bullying stopped. It helped that he was a big biker type.
People are shit.

If you have space I would be tempted to commandeer them. When they get cross just say that as they put them on your drive you thought they were kindly making them available for your use...

If your long term goal is peaceful relations with your neighbours - then yes!

"they block your drive with bins, move them to their own driveway every single time"

"That's the worst thing you can do..."

Really?

You think it's better to leave the neighbour's bins which have been deliberately placed to block the OP's drive where they are to avoid things "escalating"?

They are testing you op. Eight months is classic, long enough for the niceties (if there were any) to wear off and the power play to set in. Single parents are “easy” targets.

Agree with others, don’t let them push you out. If it’s a beautiful house; there is probably an element of jealousy at play.

Try and meet them half way. Warn them in advance next time you have any work done; which is the polite thing to do. Politely confront the person who spread rumours about you running a food business from home. Take them a jar of honey, explain they have the wrong end of the stick and tell them you “just wanted to make it clear that this was incorrect information”

Hold your head up and go about your day as breezily as possible. Invite your family and friends. Let them see you have people who support you. And as others have said, make other friends in the village, maybe some parents of dc your child’s age? Form a baby-sitting circle? And invite them around too.

Maybe decide to stick it out and try not making any big decisions either way for a year and see how you feel then?

Good luck op and sorry they have been so miserable and unwelcoming. They sound awful.

I read it as 'gift them some money ' as was like whaaaat, giving them money to bribe them off 😂

Wow its really sad. Having lived in a rural village all my life, I know it is tricky being a new person. One couple left after a year as people were too friendly, always introducing themselves and suggesting local groups or societies to join.

What do you actually like doing, outside of your own home and friendship circle?

If you meet some other locals who are into that, you might start to feel more integrated.

Also, you'll meet parents through school as pp said. Its not easy I know.

Villages are typically more reliant on neighbourliness than cities - crap public transport, lack of local shop, takes longer for locksmith, emergency plumber, electrician, broadband repair, etc etc. So sometimes theres more of the old-fashioned "getting to know the neighbours" stuff than you'd expect in cities... and if you've not done that they maybe feel snubbed?
They could be v pissed off about the building work, if it was noisy and went on for a while and they didn't feel you'd explained how long it would last etc.?
Your visitors parking might be legal but inconsiderate?

Or your neighbours could just be wankers.

That's the worst thing you can do, please op don't listen to advice like that it will just cause things to escalate.

Meant to add, we’ve absolutely (legal process) battered our neighbours into submission, half the village are applauding us, the other half know not to fuck with us. Result.

@Joyjazz you won’t need to declare anything unless it’s on record.

When your dc joins school, you’ll make new friends etc.

in the meantime don’t let any of this shit slide. Park where you need to and tell them that someone’s cleaner doesn’t have priority and we all have to get along on this unrestricted road.

they are betting you won’t push back, but do so. Show them you’re not a pushover and they will move on to others.

they block your drive with bins, move them to their own driveway every single time

we have arseholes for neighbours in this ‘oh so vair naice’ village, and it’s because nobody has stood up to them.