Village bullies - time to move?

Thirty years on the small minded insular people haven't changed however much I try, however much I tried to be friendly with other mums. Life shouldn't be that hard and actually if people don't want to join in why should they.

Re the speeding through country lanes I find it is the locals who do it, they seem convinced they can see round bends so hurtle round them on a narrow lane. Amazes me that there aren't more accidents.

I presume it was the lovely village folk who sold their houses at a huge profit to these inconsiderate newcomers. Funny how that's OK but an airbnb unit isn't.

I grew up in a village. My parents still live there. Since Covid, there’s been an influx of people who have moved to the village and built air bnb units in their back gardens / work from home/ don’t make any effort to join in community events . The air bnbers drive too fast on the country lanes and park their card in the middle of unrestricted roads, limiting access to farm and emergency vehicles. Quite honestly , it’s ripped the heart out of the community. Everyone used to know everyone, people used to look out for each other and be open and considerate.

i don’t think you sound like these people, but village mentality is that you make an effort to be part of everything. It seems like you have started doing this with the honey you graciously donated to the fete, but I can imagine it may have got their backs up , if you think of the context above.

you say your child isn’t in school yet. Is there a local school or park? Can you start connecting with other parents from the school? This made a massive difference to me when I moved to a new village.

It’s not ok that people have been unkind to you, but I’d say kill then with kindness- ride it out, become part of the community - you and your child won’t regret it.

@Joyjazz Can you start parking on the road and letting your visitors park on your drive. Establish that it's a normal place for anyone to park.
Bin day - I agree with others and get a Ring doorbell or similar and record them doing it. And while you are waiting report this to the police as harrassment. Have it on record they are doing this so if they object to the doorbell (unreasonably of course) you have already lodged why you had to do it.
Report and report and report every time they do this. It's the only way to defeat bullies.
I am also sorry it is crap.

Not sure if this will help, but I experienced similar after moving to a village. I ended up completely and utterly ignoring the neighbours in the surrounding buildings, my immediate neighbours luckily were very nice, and I thought you know I can live here loved the village life style was right on the sea front.
I ended up being offered a house in the main town again(always swore I’d never go back) but honestly the village was taking its toll on me I never felt safe or settled really, I had sort of convinced myself I loved it. Been moved 1 month and the difference is incredible, I’m not depressed I’m not worrying about the neighbours or anything, I’ve got lovely new neighbours who have already started looking out for me and my son ( we’re the same just me and my 2yo) and for as much as there are aspects of the village I miss, mainly the safety as no busy roads and now we’re living on a main road (it’s a 20 but people regularly flip there cars on it😬) I really couldn’t imagine the thought of staying there now, looking back I can see how much I hated it.
You could dig your heels in and just ignore it, and it might actually get better as it did for me, eventually all the elderly would speak to me due to watching my son grow etc, but honestly for me I knew I wouldn’t ever truly fit in(and my grandad was from the village so yeah lol)
Whatever you decide it’ll be the right choice, sometimes it’s not worth the mental toll it will take and that’s ok, I had a lot of guilt regarding the move as my son loved it but I realised that realistically he was going to be happy wherever we were because it wasn’t the house that ever made him happy, it was me and him and our life’s that makes him happy.

I think in many villages there are a cohort of residents who have think they have a right to dictate every aspect of village life.

They tend to run in packs and reinforce each other's bad behaviour.

I wouldn't let it run me out of the village.

A key thing is to make other friendships (allies) within the village and let them know how your neighbours are behaving.

Try and join some local groups. Especially ones they may already be in. Makes it harder for them to gossip about you and you get the chance to counter. Make an effort as far as possible when your child starts school with other families and if there is a local church maybe consider joining the playgroup if they have one.

Be as lavish as you can with your lovely honey (maybe honey biscuits when you attend a new group)

Reality is most other people in the village will already know they are a PITA. We have a little group like this in our village and when it became clear they were bullying a new neighbour they got pretty short shrift from the rest of the community (and a visit from the Vicar to remind them - churchgoers - about being good Christian's...).

Nothing like some social embarrassment to curb excess twatishness.

This happened to me when I was young, and I always regretted moving and I still miss my old house. Don't let them push you out, stand up for yourself. If I could change things I would have made a complaint to the police for harassment. I think it was racism, and looking down at me for being a young mum

But if it is legal to park on the road and it does not obstruct, why cant they park there? Why should batshit neighbouts dictate where people park?

I feel for you, we were in a similar situation when we lived in Brighton. Not a village of course, but our house was part of a new build development in a built up suburb and the neighbors were total pieces of shit. They went out of their way to make our lives miserable and we did end up selling and moving. We said to ourselves we moved bc it was a good market and we needed a more remote setting for our dog who is quite anxious and scared of loud noises and people, but if the neighbors hadn't been so horrid we prob would have stayed. I would say don't let those assholes force you out and fight back but I also know how stressful that can be to deal with day in and day out :(

There’s an assumption here that mums will be nicer at the local school. Sorry to be Debbie downer but I wouldn’t count on that being the case at all. School mums can be very cliquey as we all know by the immense number of threads on here about it!

OP I’d stick it out for one more year but after that, if things still tough, I’d be off back to a nice anonymous London suburb where all of this will disappear overnight.

When your DC starts school join the FPTA - it's an excellent way into a village community and you'll soon meet some lovely local parents who will become your friends. The curtain twitching bin moving parking space hogging nobodies will fade from your mind as you slowly meet the rest of the community.

all with far too much time on their hands

Yes other neighbours. You'd be surprised the trouble one person can make in a small neighborhood. If I could live in a field in the middle of nowhere there would be nothing holding me back.

everyone else being other neighbours? sounds like a real community! i’d have no bloomin idea what one neighbour said to another

Erm...by having conversations with everyone else and slandering me to them?

isn’t it a bit more than vaping? not weed too?

I've been in a village 20 years, in a rented house. My teenage son has started vaping in the garden at night (after we are in bed), and the neighbour reported us to the landlord. We have received a warning letter, and will be evicted if it happens again. Obviously my son has had a proper "talking to" from me, and he will stop doing it, but FFS. Our family home is at risk ... people can be f'ing weird. What if some passer-by vapes near their house and we get accused? It's curtains...

they're either old, Tories, or both.

i can’t remember the last time i saw my neighbour! Let alone had a conversation with them whereby they denigrated me. How does the neighbour denigrate you?

Classic bullies.

Bullies don't respond to niceness. They see it as weakness.

I think you'll have to step up to them. For eg. Don't use your drive. Park in "bettys" space. Move their bins. Spill them. Install CCTV. Start a rumour that you're selling your property to developers.

Sorry, they sound unpleasant. Hopefully you can take them down.

Of course I am liars don't stop being liars and people start picking up on things that don't add up and before you know it they don't believe a word that person says, no matter how of a liar that they think they are.

Horrible situation but try to ignore, hold your head up high and they’ll move on.

I'd be dragging back their full bins and accidentally tipping them over and disposing the whole contents of their fronts!

I really really hope you are right.

Don't even think about it! What if a new place is even worse? There are no guarantees. In time, if you behave well and do not bite the bait, they will come round, or they may move themselves. Stand your ground politely.

This is why I hate village life and the myth that country folk are oh so friendly. It is far pettier, less accommodating than city life, where people are used to rubbing up against each other and tolerating differences.