AIBU about parents moving away

I would raise the spectre of aging and healthcare with them (seen posts about similar situations with peole retiring to remote parts of Wales, Cornwall etc). There is one hospital on the island that does not have an oncology, gerontology or orthopaedics dept, etc, key specialisms likely to affect aging residents, so I am assuming they need to travel to the mainland for serious illness. It has a population of 140k, the same as a small market town like Guildford so medical provision, social care etc will be more restricted than where they are now, I imagine?

there was a thread on here a while back - I think it referenced escape to the country - and it was about the reality of trying to be supportive of elderly parents living remotely miles from their family - having made the move when they retired. I'm close to your parents age and while I in no way feel elderly or even retired, I can guarantee you that if I did move in the next few years, I would be thinking very carefully about support structures, friendships, access to healthcare and ties to the community. I feel bad for you OP but I think the reality of this may also not be great for your parents.

So then it will be OK for OP to say in the future 'you chose to move, sort yourself out'.

You need to be blunt about what you are prepared to do. Why should you traipse there every time you have money and time for a holiday.

I suggest something along the lines of 'you're going to miss so much of x growing up, I'll only be able to visit for the weekend once a year and I doubt you'll be back much'.

This is MN and you will get non stop 'it's their life' 'don't be selfish', 'it's their choice to make' etc Bla Bla Bla but I personally would be gutted.

Whilst everyone has the right to do what makes them happy, they should have been clear with you before you moved closer to them. That's really unfair.

Isle of Wight whilst beautiful isn't easy or cheap to get to either.

It’s expensive and time consuming to get there. Healthcare is crap. Anything serious and they’ll be sent to the mainland.
I would be livid.

Have you perhaps been using them for childcare and support more than they're happy with? Maybe they feel that moving away is the only way to set boundaries with you.

The only time we made the trip to where my mum moved to, was when she had a massive stroke. And then my brother and I had to arrange for her to be brought back to a care home in her previous area, because there was no-one to care for her or visit her in her new location 6.5 hours away.

So yes, your parents are being short sighted, and they need to know that you won't be able to come to their rescue should they need caring for at any point.

My mum moved 6.5 hours away, and just assumed that we'd visit her for holidays. I made it clear that no we wouldn't. Our leave was precious we already had places that we wanted to go to for our holidays, and we weren't going to be doing a 13 hour plus stops return journey for a weekend.

There was a bit of backstory, but we never did visit.

I do think it’s worth exploring with them how much research they have done about the reality of living on the Isle of Wight. As others have said very different to a summer holiday.

In their 60s health care is going to be a major issue and sadly provision on the Isle of Wight isn’t great and they are having trouble recruiting GPs (more so than the mainland) The local NHS trust is amalgamating with one in Hampshire and many services in the future will be led from the mainland rather than the local hospital so this will likely involve travelling to the mainland. Not great when getting older and need for services will be greater.

Social services on the Island are stretched due to the demographics - more so than the mainland.

Have they ever lived somewhere which is a summer holiday destination ? Traffic / crowds etc are a nightmare during holiday times and local services are stretched, roads are busy, parking in the town is a nightmare.

Do they realise that many companies will not deliver to the Isle of Wight as it is so expensive transporting “stuff” on the ferry

Even with local resident discounts the ferry is expensive and during the peak holidays difficult to get a booking - particularly when one has broken down ( which happens more regularly then they might realise)

Ultimately it is their choice and sad that they didn’t let you know this was their intention before you moved to be closer to them, but I do wonder if they have realistically thought through and researched the practicalities of moving to an island.

Not an Island but my In laws suddenly announced a move to a UK holiday destination - many hours from their home and family, but after initial “it’s all fine and we will be ok” it transpired they hadn’t researched things like healthcare etc. and then realised actually it would be a mistake

Can you move with them?

Honestly I would be really worried about supporting them when they are old. If they get dementia and are that far away it will be hugely stressful

Im sorry op this is shit of them

The IOW is a massive retirement home. I know because I lived there.

Oh they’ve said it is forever? Makes me think even more that they knew all along so why didn’t they tell you? But you mentioned a support network so I’m guessing you have other people in the area.

You chose to have your child they have a life

It's ok to feel upset but ultimately you can't stop them from moving. One of my parents moved a 12 hour drive away and we can only really visit once a year. The journey was a nightmare when the children were small though is getting easier as they get older. The options are drive over two days, plane or very long train journey on several trains. None of those are good options with babies/toddlers. They do visit us sometimes on top of that so we have seen each other more than once a year but I do still feel a bit sad and akso worried for the future as they are very rural with the nearest family member one of their siblings who is about a 4 hour drive away and not much younger .

But you moved to be near your support network. Presumably you discussed the type and duration of support you expected? Was it what your parents thought?
Difficult as it is, these are their end years to live

Again, said as someone who loves the IoW (and indeed will be visiting this summer)...

If they've only been there as tourists, they may not realise how differently they may be treated if they move across. There's a big difference between attitudes towards tourists ("grockles" essential but annoying at times), oveners (people who recently moved to the island) and caulkheads (IoW natives). When I visit I get preferential treatment as soon as someone realises I'm not 'just' a tourist.
Living there is just not the same as visiting.

I’m not against people having freedom, I just wonder if they really thought it through. I’m a French surprised how impractical some people are.

plus It seems wrong that they didn’t alert you when you moved. Posters mentioning care, they might plan to move to you when that time comes. Which would be unfair IMHO.