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Original poster

To not want to invite In-laws other half to birthday party?

89 replies

cristal988 · 01/08/2024 18:07

Our son will be 1 in a few months and we will be having a birthday party.

My husband's brother has a partner whom he has been with for 8/9 years on and off and they share an 8 year old together, they both have children from other relationships.

BIL also has a son from a one night stand that was born a few years ago that she recently only found out about.

Both me and my husband feel that we don't really want to invite her as she has a really bad problem with alcohol and is known to get very rowdy when she has had a drink and can get quite aggressive.
She has glassed people in the past and has been on tag.

We also don't want to be put in an uncomfortable position where she starts asking questions about the twins mother etc, we only found out when she did as it was kept very hush hush and only illy in-laws knew about it.

From what we understand it's not a serious relationship anymore and they live separately anyway but she has told BIL that she fully expects to be invited to the party considering our kids our cousins.

We feel she only wants to come to see if the mother of this new child is in attendance and to cause trouble.

We are not close at all and I have only met her a handful of times and when her kids have parties she doesn't invite me but invites my husband.

We are sending out the invites this weekend are we being unreasonable not to invite her?

OP posts:
Original poster
cristal988 · 02/08/2024 00:09

Yes I think it would be best for just the children to attend to avoid any conflict and drama, my husband just feels very uncomfortable at having to tell his brother as he doesn't want offend him.

I think the OH want's to attend as she feels as if the twins hasn't really been accepted and she just wants to make sure that they are included and feel part of the family, she also doesn't feel comfortable having her kids around BIL's partner (BIL's partner refuses to meet the kids and has banned him from introducing there son to the twins).

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/08/2024 22:24

I would say either your BIL brings his children without either of the mothers, or none of them are invited. Because you don't want a Jeremy Kyle style bust up at your child's first birthday party.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 01/08/2024 22:06

You say the twins woman is a nice woman and maybe she is in most areas but the fact that she expects / is trying to attend the party is suggesting that she is a trouble causer.

don’t let your child’s birthday be overshadowed by family drama of your brothers making.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 01/08/2024 22:03

I can see why your brothers partner would expect to attend and if it wasn’t for her bad behaviour/alcohol issues I would find it wrong to exclude her; however, her behaviour issues changes things.

why would the one night stand expect to attend though? That’s just weird and no way can you invite her and not your brothers partner. Although I think you just shouldn’t invite her full stop; if her children join it is through your brother.

Original poster
cristal988 · 01/08/2024 21:57

It will be a birthday party at our house, just a kids party with all the cousins etc.
A bouncy castle, kids stuff etc.

Sorry BIL has an 8 year old with his partner and twin sons with the a one night stand who is also a long term friend of his.

Both mothers expect to attend and are well aware we will be having a party.

The partner of BIL has made it very clear that if she see's the OW she will "knock her out".

BIL is very keen that all his kids have a relationship with our son and that the twins are also recognised as family.

Both mothers are not willing to let the kids attend with just the father, the OW is a nicer person and makes the effort.

Yes it is BIL's problem but he is making my husband feel quite stressed over the whole situation as he is trying to keep his partner happy as they work through the relationship.

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/08/2024 21:50

cristal988 · 01/08/2024 21:37

@TomatoSandwiches
Yes that's what we thought, just to invite the kids but it's causing BIL a lot of problems as both mothers expect to attend.

Why on earth would the one night stand expect to attend?

It all sounds very Jeremy Kyle.

Screamingabdabz · 01/08/2024 21:48

No. You don’t invite people to a 1 year old’s birthday party that can’t be trusted to behave appropriately.

Don’t even worry about holding that position. Start your strong boundaries now as it’ll be impossible later and as your DC grows and the family occasions will become more frequent.

BananaLambo · 01/08/2024 21:45

What sort of party is this? For a one year old I’d be expecting something like 2pm to 4pm on a Saturday afternoon, some cocktail sausages and carrot sticks, tea and cake, and off home.

GRex · 01/08/2024 21:41

I don't understand which BIL mother you mean at various times. Just have a smaller party if you don't want someone there. I wouldn't have somebody there who likes to glass people for sure.

SquirrelBlue · 01/08/2024 21:40

cristal988 · 01/08/2024 21:37

@TomatoSandwiches
Yes that's what we thought, just to invite the kids but it's causing BIL a lot of problems as both mothers expect to attend.

That feels like a BIL problem not yours. Invite him and the kids. Baby mamas not invited. If he gets grief over it, that's on him.

Sunshineafterthehail · 01/08/2024 21:39

Don't serve any alcohol..

Crunchymum · 01/08/2024 21:39

Who has twins? The one night stand woman?

Original poster
cristal988 · 01/08/2024 21:37

@TomatoSandwiches
Yes that's what we thought, just to invite the kids but it's causing BIL a lot of problems as both mothers expect to attend.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 01/08/2024 18:12

Just invite BIL and his children, not either mother.
Make it explicit though as your BIL seems to be a bit daft.