My ex lied to me on multiple occasions. We're both in our 30s and were together for almost 2 years.
We met online. He lied to me about his weight initially and sent me a very old photo. I overlooked this as we hit it off when I met him in person.
He then lied to me about his salary. 3 times actually. He's on 10k less than what he initially told me.
Again, just small, inconsequential things I thought. He'd also hide some details or twist the truth on top of this.
The very last incident was he's been telling me he's going in to the office (he works hybrid), but I caught him at home one day he told me he was in the office. He then confessed that he was doing this from time to time when he felt unmotivated to go in and didn't want to look lazy. He had been doing it for a year. I ended the relationship.
All of his lies relate to the bad light he sees himself in and shame he feels. He lies to come across as a better person in his mind. He started therapy immediately (couldn't afford previously but loaned some money from his family) and asked for another chance.
Turns out his childhood trauma is causing almost an automatic lying reaction. He's been trying to address this and I was trying to give him some space.
Yesterday the same thing happened... Told me he was in the office but he was actually at home. He wasn't coming clean straight away either this time unlike other times, thinking I'd end it. Well, I did end it when I found out he lied to me about the SAME THING that caused our breakup only a month ago.
Today I received a very heartfelt message, taking all the accountability. Saying that I was a great partner and never put him in positions to lie but he did so unprompted and that he's ashamed. He says he loves me and is trying so hard and it was the only lie he told me in the last month. He's asking for one last chance.
I love him soooo much and it hurts so bad because I miss him and though I was going to settle with him. But I don't think this relationship is good for me.
My close friend just said that when he started therapy I knew it would be a long and hard journey and I accepted him back, so she thinks it's unreasonable to throw in towel at the first lie... What do you think? AIBU for not giving him ANOTHER chance?