To be annoyed at people who turn off 'read' receipts on WhatsApp?

I find it annoying to a degree. For example, my brother has his blue ticks/last seen switched off, so if I send him a message about our elderly DF's care I don't know if he's read it or been too busy to read it. He does it because his boss contacts him outside of working hours, so it's understandable.

My ex DH has everything switched off too, I don't know why, but again it's annoying when I message him time-sensitive things about the DC. If I follow up a message because of that uncertainty then I'm nagging. I also had an ex partner who had blue ticks/last seen always switched off, under the guise of not wanting to feel obligated to reply immediately to everyone. In reality he was a cheat and it helped him cover his tracks.

Having said all of that, I think there are very legitimate reasons for having blue ticks switched off, as stated by PPs here. But equally I don't think finding it annoying automatically means someone is a control freak!

I turn mine off so I can prioritise my tasks (and that includes responding to messages - I read them and decide if it needs an urgent reply or something more pressing needs to be done. I turn them off so people don't see I've read and not replied which I think is far worse (I'm an overthinker and would far rather think someone hasn't read my message than has read and chose not to respond)

Thanks for explaining how this all works 🤦‍♀️ glad it's just something that is done for all, and on reflection I can now see the advantages to not having it set on the default. I have just changed my own settings. No doubt my DM will be whinging about that now🙈

Can you send parcels via WhatsApp? I had no idea.

@Vettrianofan but your friend hasn’t done it “to you”

She hasn’t done it to you. If her read receipts are switched off, it’s the same for everyone. All of the people she messages/is messaged by will see the same. It’s not personal.

@Vettrianofan they haven't done anything to you. They have just switched off everyone's ability to see if they've read messages. You don't select who you turn it off for, it's either on or off for everyone. And why would it make you wonder if you've caused offence??

A mum friend has just done this to me. I scrolled all the way back and they are all grey😬 actually wondering if I have said something to cause offence?

I know my DB does this, he never has explained why though🤨

I didn't know you could switch it off (the ability for people to see you've read their message!) Going to investigate this, and switch mine off! Thanks for the heads-up @PrincessOfPreschool 😆

To use your example of the letter, you want to know they've lifted the envelope out of their post box, sat down, ripped it open and read it!

If only Royal Mail offered that service!

Sorry op, I think you are massively bring unreasonable!

Its not your business whether someone has read or not read that message or when they were online or how long they take to message back.

What difference is it to you if they have read a message but not yet responded? How will that knowledge help you?

No one's business if I'm online or not. Or if I've read a message or not. I'll respond when I'm ready to

YABU

You dont know why they have turned it off. DD and my sister both turned it off as they get constant messages when they are not at work and people get stroppy if they dont reply. These are of course the same people who refuse to answer messages on their days off!

So they have turned off the blue ticks so no one will know if it has been seen or not, until they reply. Sadly you cant just have it for certain contacts or groups, its all or nothing.

My online status and whether I have read a
message is my business alone.

Aside from at work when my employer is paying me to work; it’s no one’s business. For crucial comms my employer has a check button for us to confirm we have read a comm: which to me makes the most sense

No your example is equivalent to 2 grey ticks on WhatsApp which still happen regardless of the read receipt being turned off! It has been delivered to their phone!

To use your example of the letter, you want to know they've lifted the envelope out of their post box, sat down, ripped it open and read it!

And you missed the part where op thinks others are being controlling for not sharing their every move (read reciept a, as in the title) 👍

Yup, literally this. Think yourself lucky OP if you've been the victim of abuse and harassment. That's why mine are turned off as he would see I'd read it then get incredibly nasty when I didn't reply immediately.
It's absolutely up to me if I want them on, why do you even let it take any headspace.

Mine are off as I use my personal number for work as well and I'd rather not have staff knowing whether I've read their msgs or choose not to reply on my days off. And I don't want the pressure to respond right away

Doesn't bother me of others are off or on. I don't even look st their ticks

"I find it weirdly controlling that someone doesn't want me know they've read my message." - I find the reverse of it weirdly controlling.

I've turned all these functionalities off because of messages like:

• I can see you've been online, why don't you reply to me?
• I can't believe you left me on read
• Not seen you online for x amount of time, are you ok?
• You said you were in a meeting but I've seen you online

Different people and often work related.

It's nobody's business when I use my device and how. Used to receive messages from 20+ different people a day so of course I filter them, otherwise all I'd do is be on WhatsApp.

You seeing something different from me then

But where does the OP say she's getting in a state about replies

The point where someone not replying instantly becomes "controlling". People are allowed to look at their phone without giving you a response immediately.

I know what you mean OP, in a way read receipts are the equivalent of wanting to know if someone has received the birthday card you sent, you want to know if they have received your message, then once you know they have, they can just reply in their own time, but most, including me have turned off their read receipts I’d say. I’d go along the lines of if you’ve sent a message, then the recipient has 90% of the time seen the message there and then, a lot of us have our phones in our hand most of the time. But it’s definitely gone too far in a way, I hate being contactable 24/7. When my mum was alive it made her extremely neurotic if I didn’t answer the phone straight away, where as years ago with a landline we had more space mentally, people wouldn’t be in, so we would try another time.

I get what you mean, but I think we are all trying to reclaim a bit of distance and breathing space in this constant online world, with everything available right now, read recipes being off are a small part of that. I don’t think you are controlling by the way for thinking as you do.

But where does the OP say she's getting in a state about replies

You can't compare delivery receipt of inanimate objects to a person reading a message. You still ar oblivious to how inappropriately controlling you are being. That is red flag behaviour and you are not taking that feedback from people at all.

Because it's information that the other party does not need to have. And it's rather sad that anyone would actually spend time checking something so trivial. If it's important, make a call.

If you want to know it’s arrived and don’t need a reply send it signed for Royal Mail