To think entertainers should not pick people out of the crowd

I would want the floor to swallow me up to be honest with you all, I also feel the same.

It is when people, who don't want to be chosen actually get up and walk out of the building or the opposite direction of the unfunny comedien/dodgy entertainer is that the message may get across to them what "NO" means.

Sorry, I should have @'ed that poster – not you.

I was responding to the poster who said redcoats and entertainers don’t always understand the ‘introvert/extrovert spectrum’.

i think it would be worth mentioning to the hotel, and keep reassuring your dd that she will not have to go up and you will stick up for her.

just as an aside- Not all performers are naturally extroverts.
I’m a professional performer (musical theatre, and singing gigs mainly but I have done typically extrovert jobs too, like panto and holiday park entertainment) but I’m actually an introvert.

I’m confident and loud and present as extroverted when I’m on stage (singing/acting etc) but I’m definitely an introvert and I’d be absolutely mortified being picked out of the audience for someone else’s show. Like when I was at school I would have full on panic attacks before certain teachers lessons as they always picked random people to answer questions, and although I knew the answers the majority of the time just the thought of being picked on and not in control of the situation filled me with pure fear.
I would also be sat at the show not being able to relax and secretly praying that I wasn’t picked! So I would never pick from the audience, I would ask for volunteers as there is always a few people willing. No need to make everyone feel anxious or uncomfortable!

Yes, I think walking your daughter through a scenario where someone declines and sticks to their guns is powerful.
For what it's worth, I never 'pick' pupils in my class to answer questions either unless they enthusiastically indicate that they really want to answer.

I was at one where the icebreaker was to say who the most important person in our life was.

That's intrusive enough if you have a partner and kids (though how does one choose THE most important?) but excruciatingly nosey if one is single.

From the entertainer's point of view, I would have thought that a willing volunteer would be better to make the act go with a swing; it's a "family entertainment" kind of show after all, not an "edgy" comedy club. I agree with PP's who recommend reassuring your daughter that she has your support if she wants to refuse, or letting her express her reluctance by staying away; she should feel that Mum would never ride roughshod over her feelings just to avoid a fuss.
Additionally I would have a discreet word with the management, appealing to their self-interest in wanting their customers to have a good time, so that they come back again to spend more money! They can voice their concern to the entertainer if they choose; it may even be that, as @DailyMailHater relates, guests have been made uncomfortable (although it sounds as if that entertainer was far more crass).

Could you sit near the back and tell her they probably won't pick on a child but if they did you can just leave immediately

My DDs are always desperate to ‘be picked’ but I definitely understand those who would be on the edge of their seats worrying. I’d just repeatedly tell her ‘it’s ok to say no’ and assure her you will support her in this if needed.
My DH seems to ‘be picked’ (as well as DDs!) and he doesn’t mind it. I think he quite enjoys it actually 😂 I do remember cringing in my seat in Ibiza at a family entertainment night once though. I can’t remember now exactly what he had to do but it involved popping balloons with body parts.
I wonder why they simply don’t ask for those who would like to join in to put their hand up.

No means no. You can ask once and then accept the answer.

I am an extrovert but hate being picked on and stopped going to comedy shows in my twenties because of it.

My kids are now in their twenties and still resent that they were never picked for shows as kids as they would have loved it!

Audience participation is fine. But you need to respect people when they say no.

I was and am the same. I hate involuntary audience participation. However, I have been to events in recent years (much more consent-conscious) where the performer asks anyone who doesn't want to be picked etc to fold their arms. Could you make that into a very strong piece of feedback?

I had this at a All Inclusive hotel once, I said no and he started making comments like “you don’t look like the kind of girl who normally says no”, and so on, as though that would change my mind, he just carried on going at me and grabbing my arm and pulling me….my husband told him to stop and leave it and he said to him “Oohh look at you acting hard, just cause you want some tonight” - this was at a family hotel so kids there as well.

we left at that point and the next day the hotel manager came and apologised to me as apparently other guests has approached him and complained.

No should mean no, and any good entertainer would pick up on body language etc long before someone would have to outright refuse.

Also, being an introvert does not mean you hate being the centre of attention, any more than being an extrovert means you love being one. This myth and confusion really needs to die a death. I am an introvert and can't shut up. However, I need to recharge my social battery by being alone.

I think this is not so much about extroverts vs introverts but more about inclusion.

There is a myriad of completely valid reasons an adult or child would not be okay with this pressure to participate. Everything from neurodivergence to mental health and everything inbetween. I would complain as they really ought to aim to be inclusive in such an environment,

No. This is on the entertainer to read the room.

Op realistically no one can be forced to go onto stage. Either the person was a helper & it was his job to pretend to not want to go up to get the audience involved or he/she could have said no & refused to move.
Personally it was an opportunity to teach your child no means no & continue to say no & do not be pressured into saying yes, also that children will not be pressurised in the same way.

Exactly. Creepy weirdos

I wish I had done that when I went to a huge seminar for work with a self proclaimed life coach. He told every second row to turn around and to face the person behind them. And hug them for 1 minute. That was 60 seconds of hell. Everyone did it too. Why oh why.

They don't need any diversity training. All they need to understand is that when a child says no, they mean NO.

How hard can it be?

Honestly I think a no should be accepted as a no, this really annoys me. For some people it may seem silly but things like this give me major anxiety and has put me going to some attractions and shows. Went to an attraction not long back and spent most of the hour in complete fear as I suddenly realised they were getting people up all the time and making them do things, like dancing or singing or funny voices etc. And they weren't taking no for an answer either.

It might seem minor to most but surely it's not hard to understand why someone might be really uncomfortable in that situation and being dragged up and embarrassed just ruins the experience for them.

I would feel exactly the same as your daughter and I'm am adult!

It's completely unacceptable not to take no for an answer.

Yeah or just ask for a show of hands for those who want to participate, especially when kids are involved.

I think I'd raise this with management. You won't be the only ones feeling uncomfortable and I'm sure they'd rather know so that aspect of the shows can be changed.

It’s not acceptable, but it’s also within your power to walk out and complain to management. They can’t actually force you to take part. But you kind of know there’s a risk of this with shit hotel entertainment- it’s why we always avoid the bar where it’s on and go to the quiet one instead.

It's not even about being extroverted or introverted, it's simply that you've said no. An extrovert can feel like having a go at something one day and not the next, the same as an introvert – there is no need to understand what people are and why. No is enough.