Is it normal for DC to stay at their grandparents?

Whilst I sympathise, what you describe would be something I definitely would not feel comfortable getting involved in, even as a grandparent. You've also not said how old your parents are?

I don't have loads of help and my parents have my child maybe once or twice a year overnight if we have a wedding or something to go to.

What stung for me was the promises of help when i was pregnant but they got frustrated with the reality of it.

We now organise our lives as if there is no help and it's a bonus when my parents say they can babysit. We are happy to have the break and I know my parents enjoy the time that much more.

Maybe speak to your parents about how much you're struggling as they may not realise? Be prepared for them not offer help though, but they might surprise you.

You’re looking at this the wrong way.

In some families, some grandparents have grandchildren regularly, for overnight stays or childcare. In some families, they don’t. just because this is typical in some families, doesn’t mean your parents should have to do it.

Having a child with additional needs may well mean your parents find this too much for them. Just because you’d like a weekend off every month, doesn’t mean they are obliged to do it, sadly.

It's worth bearing in mind an ASD child may find staying away from home deeply traumatic regardless of the enthusiasm of grandparents.

I never did a sleepover anywhere as my homesickness was overwhelming.

Very local and supportive grandparents here but we don't have sleepovers regularly, only once in a while for a special occasion eg wedding or big birthday. Usally we see them altogether.

Nice your friends have grandparents who take the kids regularly but not the norm in my experience.

Does sound like you need a break though, could partner have kids for the afternoon/day sometimes. And you do the same for him?

I think there are so many factors in play so you can’t say it’s normal or not.
i know people whose children stay at their parents every single weekend. I don’t think that’s normal.

My SIL tried to force this kind of relationship on my PIL. They were crap with children though, were very hands off parents themselves when DH/BIL were young. Uninvolved parents will usually be uninvolved grandparents. The children just got upset/bored at being sent there all the time so she had to stop.

I don’t get any break from DD, but she’s mine, that’s the way it is.

We grew up seeing grandparents regularly with parents. My own grew up seeing grandparents regularly with me. Yes babysitting if it was needed in unusual circumstances rather than a regular night out so can probably count on the fingers of one hand the number of times its happened. There is no one way, my dc are incredibly close with grandparents and as adults have a completely independent relationship with them.

It would be nice, but lots don’t. Personally, I’m planning on being supportive if my kids eventually have kids - to whatever extent I’m able and they want me. I wouldn’t want them struggling as I have.

No wat would I subject my mum or DH mum to what you are describing.

They look after our kids when we need to go away for something at the same time (both do competitive sport) but not to do housework.

So you have had troubles with your first child so had another one and now you have more trouble and now are upset grandparents won't help? How could they cope more?

I’m sorry that you are struggling but YABU because it is entirely your choice to have children and entirely the grandparents choice to not help because they didn’t choose to have your children .

I am sorry whilst our family norm has been to have rota to ensure the parents have respite to our now adult relative with complex behavioural challenges.

A lot of people are afraid and unless they are onboard from the very start I don't see it changing.

Have you any budget to engage someone with sen experience for the odd hour or two? I know of a few trainee SEN teachers who offen child mind during their summer break.

My kids are older now, however they never stayed at their grandparents, we saw them and still do regularly at least weekly but they live in the next road so literally no need to stay over.
My siblings had children much later and their infant school aged children stay at my parents regularly. They also live in walking distance, my nephew has autism and my parents have them almost as respite care so my brother and SIL get a break.

Maybe you need to actually spell out you would appreciate some help. Maybe they see you coping and worry of offending by offering help.

Different grandparents act in different ways. They may have found NT grandchildren hard to cope with but in the situation you describe above regarding your autistic son I suspect they already know they wouldn't be able to handle him especially when you say you find his meltdowns hard.

Have you told your parents how you are struggling and need help? How does your partner feature in this? Can they not give you a break from time to time?

We are in a similar situation and while I don't expect help, it would be so lovely if it were offered. Dh and I are on our arses with work and juggling childcare. We haven't had a break since our youngest was born 3 years ago and it's taken its toll on us.

I honestly can't imagine not wanting to keep my dc even as adults and I do find it very hurtful. But I've just had to accept that we don't have that support. Yanbu to feel sad about it though.

Sorry, but I probably wouldn’t put grandparents through that.

I'm sorry, but I think you are being unreasonable. If it goes through you, won't it go through the GPs also, who have already done their childrearing duty? If it happens, all well and good, that's lovely, but nobody has a right to expect it.