DC4 accused of being racist

Speak to the teacher. 4-year-olds generally do hit each other.

If there was an issue that the parents raised with the school, you would have heard from the school about it.

Why not speak to the teacher? Maybe the mum has mixed up the children?

So why are you taking the word of another parent over your own child when the school and nobody else has mentioned it either?

what did your child say about it when you spoke to him?

Our DD said something similar at 5. Didn’t like a girl in her class because she had brown skin. I was taken aback also - not something she’d have ever heard at home.

kids sometimes have their own opinions, whether parents like them or not….

My son (40 years ago now) at about 3 years old expressed dislike of an old man on a bus, saying he was 'skinny' I didn't understand what he meant, but the old man was black and very wrinkly! Then he said that he didn't like Floella Benjamin on Play School, because she was 'skinny' and I realised he he meant her skin was black. This was very puzzling as his brothers regular playmate at the time was a black child from the next street, and he loved to play with him! I pointed out that the friend was black, he looked puzzled and denied it, so I said that next time he came to play, he should pay attention to the colour of his skin. When the friend came round, my son gave me an astounded look, and later agreed that he was black. We never heard of any dislike of 'skinny' people after that. I think it was just a childish fear of difference.

Honestly, you're not alone. I have seen this quite a few times in nursery. People like to say children are born not differentiating on skin colour and other romantic notions . I'm absolutely not arguing that some children don't- but some children don't like what they see and say it. They say it ; whether it's skin colour or another difference, or any personal quirk they don't like.
Families are completely horrified, as you have been.
I think it's a matter of educating and working with your child , modelling acceptance of everyone's individual value and beauty etc. Talking about how not to hurt feelings etc.
Please don't panic. I'm sure they're saying - they must've heard that at home. Rubbish! Children are brutal - even in their innocence of just saying something that occurs them aloud!
Your child will be fine. You sound lovely parents.

• I don't want to minimise the lived experience of the other family in experiencing racism. I just want to point out that children can, without realization of cultural or social norms, state things out loud.

Yes, and in that case the child's mother had been telling her child not to play with any brown, or black children in reception. It sounds unbelievable, but as I was a member of staff at the time, I know it was sadly true. The whole situation was dealt with by the school. If there are any concerns, they should be communicating with you.