DC4 accused of being racist

Three or four year old boy on a piece of climbing equipment was told to come down by his brother he looked and said I can't I need the brown boy to move the parents called the police over it they came out thinking the age was wrong and they meant 13 or 14! They told the parents at this age they say what they see it's not usually personal the father was very loud and intimidating over it so we left the police were still calming him as we left

A couple of years ago my 4 yr old Dd once said she didn’t want to play with a black doll at playgroup because it didn’t look like her…I had a moment of ‘Jesus how have I raised a racist child?!’ But realised it was her just wanting to play with a doll that looked like her, nothing sinister. It could be differences that your child is reacting to? Admittedly some kids will pick up ignorant from their parents but I don’t think most kids are naturally racist. Maybe have a talk with the other kids parents?

My ds was the receiver of this type of thing at around 6, school did deal with it though.
Personally I think at 4 they have no concept of racism (unless taught) and they do just say what they think without filter.
You've spoken to your dd, apologised to the family (more than I got) so I would put it behind you

That's what I said to the mum. I said I will make sure to speak to my child and I'm sorry this has happened, but it's important she tells the school. She said the school only intervene when it's really extreme.

Then I'd have said "like I said, unless the school contact me and inform me of such an incident, l am sorry, there is nothing I can do. I can't believe your or your child's word over mine, as neither you nor I were actually present. In future if you have an issue with my child, please can you address this directly with the school and not me. Thank you. If the teachers have concerns about my child, i am sure theyll share their concerns with us". Don't get bullied, OP.

Yes, and it turned out they were lying (they admitted it) to get my ds in trouble.

My son when at nursery (pre school) came home one day saying that the 'brown boy' had hit him. We explained that he wasn't the brown brown boy, just a boy but shouldn't be hitting him.
Next day we took him into nursery and it turned our the 'brown boy' was actually a just a kid wearing a brown jumper! 😁

The other child may be being unpleasant to your child, and the skIn colour is the most obvious thing for your child to retaliate with. My son had a kid in his nursery who would hit other kids and generally be unpleasant. He had ginger hair. So the biggest insult from my son was “You’re a ginger!” as a way of insulting someone.

This happened to my sister when her daughter was 3 years old, they also live abroad in an non diverse area, they got into a lift with a black man, my niece could not stop looking at him and then she said loudly, mummy why that man has a brown face? My sister was so embarrassed that she could only apologise profusely, the man was very gracious and explained to my niece that, his parents were from Africa and they all had brown skin, my niece asked him few questions about children and his name and the man answered and made her laugh, they do meet him out and about and now my niece runs to greet him and called him by his name, it’s actually quite sweet

We're dealing with this. My four year old being told 'no blacks allowed' when she wants to play.

Of course I did.

Yes this can be true, but you don’t just do nothing about it! Parents need to be anti racist and teach their children to not be horrible.

I've had this unfortunately despite not being white a family but a girl in dc's class is actually really mean to dc and I've actually witnessed this on a few occasions at school pick up where she was telling dc to shut up (she's 4) when we were walking behind them whilst dc was cheerfully telling me about his school day and on other other occasions she would actively leave dc out and say mean stuff. Dc was speech delayed then and said he doesn't like darker skin referring to the girl because she's been mean to him. The funny thing was, there were other kids dc plays with who are not white and were much darker than this particular girl and he has no issues about skin colour then but with this particular girl I had to explain to him that it's not because of the colour of her skin that you don't like, it's because she hasn't been kind to you but you must remain kind to her and if she's mean to you, you have to tell the teacher.

In our case, he was actually describing her appearance as it's easier for him to say that than eloquently say that he doesn't like this child because she's been horrible to him and add speech delay to the mix. If the mother of this girl ever confronted me about this, I wouldn't have apologised though instead reminded her to model pleasant and kind behaviour to her gobby little girl .

About what? It’s hearsay and nothing more at the moment. Don’t automatically assume that it must have occurred.

Because we know lots of gay people and one of his reception friends had two mums. Lots of kids have gay people in their lives. How do kids know about straight people?

Appreciate this is not the point of this thread but how on earth does a four year old know what gay is, or be able to identify a gay person by sight which is impossible in any case?

Don't contact the police! Mad.

Personally I would be contacting the police,

Whaaaatttt don't you think the police have enough to do right now, dangerously under resourced and trying to combat ACTUAL racist riots up and down the country!

Did you mean to be so rude?

The OP has said that they have been made aware that the parent who has made the allegation has informed other parents and started a witch hunt, making further accusations of the family being racist. How is this not going to impact on the child? Party invites, playdates etc, other children being told not to be friends with the alleged racist child from a racist family? I've seen this happen in a village school when hot topic subjects are whipped up.

The fact she has been bad mouthing the family to others is a huge safeguarding issue. It's also malicious.

I've volunteer in schools and saw a parent who wanted to speak to a family whose child had genuinely been bullying theirs be told under no circumstances was this acceptable. They were told it would be seen as taking matters into their own hands and could escalate if the other family did not take it well. They were told any such issue would result in all parties being banned from the school premises. When one parent did indeed take another to task she was sent a letter which told her she was now banned and would have to pick up and drop off at the office and she could not enter the playground.

Being accused of racism as a family could have huge repercussions and it sounds as if it's made up anyway.

And yes, I do think she should contact the local schools police liaison as this is what they deal with, Muppet parents being gobby and causing potential damage to the wellbeing of children including their own. I'm not suggesting court or fines or criminal records, but a warning regards spreading malicious falsehood and it to be kept on file in case of further incidents.

Agree it does happen. Someone I know moved from her country of origin to the UK. They have darker skin and her very young children were unsure about playing with children with white skin as they looked different. She had a talk with them about people having different skin colour to them and it was all fine after that. Children were all younger than 6

We had this recently with DD6. She just randomly came out with "I don't like brown people."
We're not a racist family so we were initially taken aback, especially since she has a diverse group of friends at school.
After a chat with her, we realised she meant that brown is her least favourite colour and she didn't mean it in a rude way, but we did talk to her about language and how certain wording can be upsetting, for example saying "I don't like using brown paint on my drawing" is okay to say if she's drawing chocolate or a potted plant, but if she were drawing her friends then it would be upsetting for them.

Bit of prejudice against the police there, Missus!

One of mine could have written for the Daily Mail at this age

@somepeopleareunbelievable that made me laugh. 😂

Sounds like you handled it well and glad to hear he turned out well !
The ones who go on to be racist after “experimental prejudice” are often the ones whose parents denied excused or ignored it.

I said I will make sure to speak to my child and I'm sorry this has happened, but it's important she tells the school. She said the school only intervene when it's really extreme

I find that surprising, since any school with sense will address this early rather than leaving it until things become "extreme". It's almost as if she doesn't want the school to know what she's alleging, and I certainly doubt she'd want them to know what she's saying to other parents

So I'd keep up the age appropriate chats with DS which you're already having, but also tell the staff the whole thing so that an eye can be kept on this