MIL massive stroke 3 days before holiday

You sound like a lovely family who communicate well.
Your husband is leading the way with confidence and I would be grateful for that.
So I would echo his attitude and make the best of the situation for your daughter. I would go and hope that DH feels he can join you after a few days, depending on his mother’s condition.
Good luck OP - think of it as an adventure, just the two of you.

Im sorry for what your family is going through.

This is exactly what happened with one of our elderly relatives, two in fact, thinking about it. Each time the family had a long time to prepare for what was going to happen. The hardest thing was to be on watch for it and there were several crisis points where they prepared for the worst and then it wasn't.

Of course it is a gamble, but I think if you DH is ok with you going, you've explored options and thought it through, I would be guided by him. You have time to visit with DD before you go I presume. Even if it happens whilst you are away he knows he has your support and you will be with him soon. You can easily keep in touch in phonecalls and facetimes if he needs it. It really isn't like you are abandoning him. This is part of a two year illness, familiy been supporting each other throughout. They know you will be coming back and doing the same. I believe it's the support afterwards when people are coming to terms with it all and dealing with practical things - that takes more than a week or two and that is significant and you will be there to do that.

Your DH and BIL are there, supporting MIL and each other. He is representing your family unit.
I think having you looking after DD on holiday is one less thing for him to worry about as a pp said.

If it was me, I'd want my children and grandchildren to carry on with their lives. There would have been a lot of contact in the run up to this. If someone has been that ill, in reality you've been saying goodbye to them many times and when they were still able to communicate.

If the same scenario had happened in our case, we would have been told by the relative's spouse and indeed the relative (if they'd been able to speak) to continue with the holiday plan.

Wishing you well whatever your decision

The update about your MIL’s treatment of your husband makes me even more think your place is by his side, not on holiday.

Her passing may bring up all sorts of emotions in him. I think you should be with him. The fact that he is telling you to go is testimony to what a great guy he is, not necessarily that it’s the right thing to do, especially if he himself isn’t in the best of health.

i appreciate your daughter will be disappointed, but at times like this I think families stick together.

That’s just my opinion, only because you asked.

edited to add that I agree that your husband should go with you. I’m not against the holiday: just leaving him alone.

Well, I think the husband should go on holiday as well. His brother has said he should go.

Go, good for you and your child to be away, there is very little that you can actually do by staying and I am sure your MIL would want her grandchild to have a holiday. I am sorry that you and your family are going through this

I think in your circumstances i would go, and encourage DH to come too but accept his decision if he doesn’t want to.
MIL may go on for months yet. Our neighbour had a massive stroke but still survived, unconcious for nearly 3 months. Was awful for his poor family.

She wouldn't be staying for her MIL she would be staying to support her dh, who feels he must stay, during a very difficult time.

I couldn't bring myself to abandon my dh in these circumstances for a jolly.

Go

Yes go. He can join you if she passes and feels he needs your support or time out. I’m a single parent and take my children abroad alone. It’s actually great bonding time.

If your husband says he doesn’t need your support then I think it’s ok to go. Does your daughter really still want to go though? I’m not sure at 12 whether I could have been able to go have a jolly time while knowing my grandmother could be dying. Maybe check with her?

I think it’s a very personal decision. It’s not wrong for you and DD to go on the holiday without DH and it’s not wrong if you prefer to stay. I think how close you were with MIL and how close your child was and if she will want to see her etc, will factor into your decision.

What the OP thinks of her MIL is relevant if her DH knows her feelings and they would bother him. It's so personal. He might be like you and just want his closest people near him regardless, or he might only want people there who can relate to how he's feeling. The fact that he knows he hasn't had a straightforward parent/child relationship complicates matters and makes it very difficult for those of us on the outside to predict.

I think it's important that this is led by her DH. Only the OP can know if her DH is genuinely saying to go away on holiday or if he's trying to put on a brave face and really means 'please don't go, I desperately need you by my side.'

It's a stereotype, but men are more likely to say what they mean. So, as he's already told the OP to go, he may well not need/want her there right now.

We went away a few years ago when FIL was near the end of life (had dementia so wasn’t aware of anyone really). He had been for months and he hung on for a week after we got back so we were all glad we went. I didn’t pressure dh to come, but he did. in fact I was also checking insurance, but we weren’t covered as they don’t cover pre-existing conditions of relatives.
You should def go w DC.

My DH’s mother was cruel and abusive but she was still his mother. On the night she died he cried himself to sleep in my arms and his emotions from dealing with that plus some other things going on his life at the time prompted a nervous breakdown and psychotic episode for which he had to be hospitalised. There is no way in hell I would ever leave someone I profess to love to deal with something like that on his/her own.

You will be safe in Greece with your DD, I would say. Depends if you feel confident about it. Assuming DH will have support of other family members and he is 100% happy with you going, it’s just a few days. DH might want to come to terms with his mums situation on his own.

I'd say go. Talk to DH about it: make it clear that this is what you intend to do and check that he really is relaxed about it. Sometimes people say what they think they ought to say rather than what they really mean and you need to be sure that he's not secretly hoping you'll stay.

If he's being honest, go and have a good time and free your DH up to spend time with his family and mourn without having to worry about you and DD or feel bad about ruining your holiday plans. It will be the best thing for all of you.

Go in the spirit of making the best of it for your daughter and having a special time with her. If I was your MIL I'd be appalled at the idea of you losing out on your holiday because of me and would definitely want you to go. It'll be good for your daughter to have something new and different and rising to the challenge of holidaying alone with her will be good for you, too. Have a lovely time.

I would try jet2 again and see if there's anything they can do to move it even if there's a cost or some sort of compromise you need to make. I think it's clear that there are people on here that would go anyway under the circumstances or not so only you can decide what's right for your family. All I can add is that I wouldn't worry about travelling on your own with your daughter. I remember going on holiday as a child with my mum and sister as my dad couldn't get time off work. I think the question is whether you could enjoy yourselves in the circumstances.

You’ll be fine travelling alone. As a single parent I have to otherwise we’d never do anything. My to
are either side of yours age wise and it’s much easier now than when they were little. I’d go but let DH stay

Unfortunate timing, having lost a parent myself I would never even consider leaving my dh to deal with potentially losing a parent alone. His difficult relationship with his mum will just make the emotions even harder for him.

Not in my experience. When my abusive mum died I felt nothing. And my brother likewise. We went through the motions of dealing with her death together. And I would 100% have told my DH and kids to go on holiday if the kids had been that age.

Not really related to your dilemma but if you do decide you are going without DH and you paid for insurance in the last 14 days you may be able to get a refund and buy standard travel insurance for yourself and DD.

Go. It sounds like your husband has got this and he has his brother with him.

And you will be absolutely fine travelling in Greece just you and your DD.

Please just go.

His heart isn't about to be broken. His mother was cruel and abusive.

My FIL had just moved into a palliative care unit last year when we were due to go away, my MIL insisted we still all went and he hung on for another 4 weeks after we got back

My friends Mum was in a similar situation healthwise, she had a stroke, then a more significant one that led to palliative care. 8 months later she had another one and then another 2 months after that she died. I don't think you should put your life on hold, this could be quick but it could also be long. Make your peace and go. I got a phone call recently to say my grandparent had been taken into hospital very ill and she was not going to agree to treatment. I travelled to visit and whilst she was pleased to see me she told me that my job was to look after my kids. We shared stories and I showed her photos. She emphatically said when I was leaving that I wasn't to be sad she was content. 10 days later she died. I didn't feel guilty that I had not dropped everything to visit again. We had peace.

Also don't put expectations on yourself for the holiday, go enjoy sunshine and ice cream and take each day as it comes and just play it by ear. It can still be a good holiday even if you don't do heaps of things and will give you the energy you need for any thing that needs taken care of when you come home.

I'd take your child, this is important to your DH and he isn't alone. A bittersweet break is still a break and it'll give your child a chance to frame emotions whilst not having to try to 'protect' DH