MIL massive stroke 3 days before holiday

My DH will put practical head on when anything like this happens. He would be happier that I would be with DC and doing our thing whilst he got on with sorting out MIL and having the support of BIL.

My MIL would rather DC were having a holiday rather than hovering around her death bed. In fact she would love hearing about the holiday, so if her hearing was still working, a FaceTime from Greece telling her about her day would probably be an option.

That may be true, but you do not need to use this as a weapon to get back at her - because it wont - - she dont know, she's dying.

How would you feel if your mother was facing death and your OH fucked off on holiday?

The only person you will be hurting is your OH
It is super unsupportive to even be considering this

This is a massive assumption. For most families holidays are a massive chunk of their budget. It could be that it will take the family years to save up to go again. On the flip side the child can say goodbye to her grandma before she goes having happy memories of her rather than spending the next however many days visiting her when she's actively dying and possibly not even conscious or aware of her. I wouldn't want any grandchild of mine to see me like this to be really honest

Go, absolutely. I've taken my two abroad on my own several times since they were little.

You should go. Lots of parents travel alone with their DC. I've done it and it's fine. I'm taking my 2 away on my own later this month. If BIL is ok with your DH going I think he should go too, but it is entirely his decision. But either way you should go and have fun.

They can say goodbye before they go.

Your children will have many opportunities to go on holidays in the future, but they probably will regret not to say goodbye to their grandmother the last time.

I went on a longhaul holiday knowing my granny might well die whilst I was there and she did sadly pass away whilst I was out there. I had a very loving relationship with her. I'm a deeply caring person but also pragmatic. I really wasn't going to change things being there. My dp and I were in no position financially to refund the holiday if we didn't go. My granny was in her 90's being well cared for at my mum and dad's house and Passed away peacefully. I would expect my future grandchildren to do exactly the same in this scenario.

Death is always sad but sometimes it isn't a tragedy and as pp have said you can't put life on hold waiting for death.

I'm sad I wasn't around when my granny died but I don't regret it. If dh has given you his blessing and you think that your dd will be able to relax when she's out there then just go.

you'll be totally fine

I wouldn't go, I'd want to be there to support my husband. Losing a parent or waiting for a parent to die is horrendous and going on holiday wouldn't sit right with me.

I also think you should go, as guided by your DH. People handle these situations differently. There are those who want their partner/spouse there for the emotional support and others who prefer to work through their feelings alone. Neither is wrong.

You should go.
She could survive another long while.
They can stay seriously ill for quite a long time. Deteriorate and rally, deteriorate and rally, on and on.

A relative of mine had a catastrophic stroke last year and the general consensus seems to be that he could live another 10 years.
He'e been watching the Olympics at the moment and some relatives expect him to live far beyond the Brisbane Olympics in 2034.

Cant see it myself - but it seems to be the running consensus.

I wouldn't go. I would want to be there to support DH if she dies. But only you know your DH and he copes.

It doesn't matter what you or I think, or even what the OP thinks about whether her dh "should" go on holiday, or the relationship he had with his mum.

Child/parent relationships are complex, and if he feels he wants to/or needs stay for what could be his mums last days, he is the ONLY person who should make that decision and it is not a decision that should be swayed by anyone else's feelings at this time.

Which leaves the only decision is whether the OP feels a jolly is more important than supporting her husband, who has health issues himself, during what will be a very emotional and difficult time for him.

No one, not even the OPs dh knows how he will react/cope if/when his mum dies. My normally stoic dh actually broke down for weeks after losing his cruelly manipulative mother - it was heartbreaking to watch. I actually cannot comprehend how anyone could even consider abandoning a spouse to deal with such a stressful life event themselves for a week in Greece!

I couldn’t go away and have ‘fun’ whilst my husband’s heart was about to be broken.

It’s important to remember that people are different, that relationships and families work differently and that sometimes one person’s way of coping wouldn’t work for another. My DH would absolutely prefer to be left to “get on with it” in that situation and would mean it if he said “go without me”. By the sound of it, the OP’s DH is of similar thinking.

Except a) the mother is unconscious and unaware, and b) was not a particularly pleasant person.

She's controlling and abusive. So, no.

Totally agree. In the same situation I would put my child’s wishes first in agreement with their father.

The OP says he wants them to go on the holiday- and she knows the family dynamic a lot better than we do.

I don’t think I said children should always be the priority? In the circumstances here, that’s my view.

Most PPs agree you should go with your daughter. I would go further and say all of you should go; your MIL could remain under palliative care for longer than the duration of your holiday and maybe for quite a while afterwards.

Childhood is about memories; it doesn't sound as if your DH has good memories of his own childhood, so perhaps it's reasonable to argue that he shouldn't deprive his daughter of happy memories of her first flight abroad on holiday with both her parents.

Dying with family assembled round your bedside is a romantic notion, and while some grieving children will say they would do it all again, many say it was a drawn out, traumatic experience they'd prefer not to think about at length.

I would contact the holiday company to postpone till probably next year. It’s worth a try. My holiday company did this for me free of charge when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and hadn’t sorted the insurance as we usually do that just before we go on hols. Even if they did it for a charge it would be worth it for you to be here to support your husband if that is what is best for you both.

I totally disagree with this . Children should not always be the priority. Respect for the mother and seeing her on her journey is surely the priority here

I'm really torn on this. Part of me thinks go , but the other part worries about training your DD that she can leave difficult situations. Death is an important part of life and should be marked I think.

Of course your DH has to stay with his mother. And if he doesn’t want or need your support, yes take your DD on holiday.

But be prepared for however you - and your DH - might feel if she dies while you’re away. It might be more complicated than you anticipate.

Agree. This would have been a different thread with this in the OP and not dripfed in. Just go, the both of you.