MIL massive stroke 3 days before holiday

I would happily travel alone with a child, especially a 12 yr old. Not sure I would want to leave my DH however.

It’s Europe. You’re as safe there as you are here. If you live in a city here you’re probably safer there.

Definitely go.

@Dinoswearunderpants interestingly MIL's parent was always very critical whenever MIL or her siblings went on holiday abroad, asking why they needed to, what about if they became ill etc. MIL and her siblings did a lot for the parent but were agreed that they would never curtail their holidays as parent had been ill for years and they couldn't put their lives on hold waiting for them to die.

However, as parent got older and frailer they just wanted to die, they had had enough of life, it brought them no joy. When they had a stroke and the end was finally near, and MIL had a holiday booked, parent told them to go, not to cancel, not to sit by her death bed. Parent died 2 days after MIL went away. They died when no sibling was in the room. They had been unconscious for those 2 days and siblings had been visiting. MIL had spent her lifetime telling parent how much they were loved. Hardest decision MIL had to make, but she was with closet friends when parent died. One of the other siblings was a very emotional person, think MIL felt more supported and better being with friends rather than emotional sibling!

Why does going mean lacking compassion? I would be advising OP to go regardless of her relationship with mil. It's not about that it's about being practical. Holidays to most are a big deal. They're the time you really unwind and relax. Of course loved ones are important but you're important too and there's often really nothing you can add being there. That's prudence not lack of compassion. Not every family needs every single family member sat around weeping about an elderly, very comorbid person going through the natural process of dying.

If your Dh says go, then go. My mother was persuaded to still go to Greece 3 days after my dad suddenly died. I was meant to fly out to surprise them. She’d have been alone at home otherwise. Different situation, I know, but I think you’d be sitting regretting it if you didn’t go.

Hi op sorry to hear that. My dad died day before hols so we moved dates out. You more stressed away I think. Anyway not easy times. Best wishes

I'm glad I read your post as I was going to say that we were in a similar situation and knew the relative approaching end of life would have sent us all on holiday.
How awful that you are in the complete opposite situation, it feels as though she has deliberately timed this to stop you going - especially with your husband's health conditions.
I would be going on holiday and I would be hoping that your in-laws would be telling your husband to go too. If not, can Jet2 postpone your holiday to later in the year or next year?

What are your concerns? How do you think single parents cope? I've been alone with my daughter when she was 4, 5, and 6. It'll be much easier with a 10 year old - have a wonderful time!

I'd stay.

DH would tell me to go and have fun. DH would also never leave me if the situation were reversed. We are there for each other when times are tough. If his DM died I wouldn't want him coming home to an empty house and having to cook his own dinner. I would want to be there to hold his hand, feed him and support him. DC would understand. At 12 the can easily get that stuff and seeing parents work together is an invaluable life lesson and will really help with their own self confidence. Its nice to know someone will always, no matter what be there for you.

Finally some compassionate responses.

I don't care how awful someone has been, they are their parent. I just can't get my head around people honestly thinking the best solution is to leave.

I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in.

I would go, as your DH wants you to.

You will be fine fine fine travelling with DD on your own, promise. Just make sure you have all the essentials- passports tickets, medicine and money. I travel very often on my own with my two- one of whom (my 14 year old ) is very autistic and also has/had a flying phobia. DH is not a good traveller so I took it on myself to take the DCs on as many flights as I could possibly afford to try and get DS1 over his fear. (It worked..... and we are going long haul at Christmas time). If you need, go to the special assistance desks when you fly and just say you are an inexperienced traveller and they will look after you- we have only had good experiences with special assistance.

And enjoy yourself while there. You can't change whatever the outcome if going to be for your MIL although of course it is a stressful time... but you can't influence it, and you can only be moral support to DH. If he really wants you to go on holiday then you can be that support via phone.

Best of luck.

Yes I'd feel the same. I'm not sure if you'd even enjoy it worrying about what is happening at home.

Go it will be nice mother daughter bonding time. Don’t worry about travelling alone, just use your instincts, stay in open safe places. I travelled for years as a single female, I loved it and would have no problems travelling with my DDs, we regularly do weekends away just us.

As for DH & MIL. My Nan who was very much loved, no toxic family issues, was in hospital quite seriously ill, at the time it as a first for many of the family, my aunt was going on her first overseas holiday with her dd, my parents were taking their first overseas holiday, a group of my male cousins were doing a lads holiday, my aunt was living in Germany ( first time leaving the country) with her DH for a few months. My Nan died while they were all away. It was fine I saw my Nan the night she died, another aunt was with her, no one was upset the others went away, Nan wasn’t alone and if she had been lucid she would have told them to all go.

if you mil has been abusive and controlling of you DH and BIL then I’d definitely go, her control should not extend to you and you DD. She sounds like she dosnt deserve your sacrifice of staying.

You can save and have another holiday with your DH another time.

Your travel insurance would absolutely cover this! I had a trip booked to Orlando, my Dad passed away the day after we were due to fly out. They refunded everything.

Whilst I understand you're looking forward to this trip I just couldn't live with the guilt of not being there for the final hours.

Your poor husband will lose his Mum and you want to go off on your holidays!

Your insurance will refund you (minus an excess) just rebook something for later in the year.

OP you say she’s unresponsive. Is she having artificial feeding or hydration? The use of these will have a significant impact on timescale of any outcomes and prognosis. If neither have been instigated it’s unlikely that she will survive for more than days.

And if they have been started, there may be some difficult conversations ahead for your husband and his brother about withdrawing feeds/fluids.

In the context of the relationship you describe between your MIL and your DH and his support for you travellling then I would go, and I would not fly home if she passes away. Other than funeral arrangements which BIL and DH can manage, you can add little. I understand your DH wanting to stay but as someone who has lived through a parent and FIL with terminal illness, these things can drag on and it's not good to look back and find you've literally spent years putting your life on hold waiting for the right time.

I would caveat that by saying if Jet2 will be accommodating and allow you to move the holiday to other dates, I would do that but she could still be with you at half term.

Me personally op I wouldn't leave my hubby because he would never leave me. I wouldn't be able to relax and if the worst happens then you will want to be with your husband. Can the holiday be re arranged ? Obviously if you choose to go then that's fine too. I'm honestly not trying to be mean . Either way i hope it all works out. Obviously it's your family and you know best at the end of the day. Wishing you all the best what ever you decide.

This isn’t a sudden, unexpected death, her DH has probably been mentally prepared for a while. When my elderly DF died there was really nothing for my DH to do. My sister and I did all necessary organising and supported each other.
MiL is unresponsive so unlikely to be a of who is sitting round her bed waiting . If she dies soon, DH could join on the holiday, there is often quite a wait for funerals.

I think you should go.

If you can postpone to October, do that and have the time together. If you can't go and just take it easy. I wouldn't say that anywhere but I would for Greece, it's amazing and the tourist industry there is so established and seamless that you will have a wonderful time. It's hot though, so be prepared for that and don't rush around too much.

She said the travel insurance wouldn't allow that. Obviously it would be better to rearrange for a later date so they can all go, but I am assuming that's not an option.

When my mother was in the hospice we had taken turns to sit with her but went home to get a quick bit of dinner. The phone rang when we had just got through the door to say she had died, we went back down, naturally very upset but the wonderful staff said it was very common for a person to hang on to die on their own.

@SlidingDoors1 her DH has told her to go on holiday, BIL has told his brother to go on holiday. As I said my DH would be practical head rather than emotional head in this situation. I am the emotional one, so actually he would probably rather be on his own than have me being emotional around!

It's supposed to be a family trip. Shouldn't they rearrange when all members can go?

I get that dying elderly relatives are inconvenient but either go with the dh now or with the dh in a couple of months when dates are rearranged. There must be a way to do this.