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Original poster

MIL massive stroke 3 days before holiday

387 replies

NoSourDough · 01/08/2024 08:35

We are due to fly to Greece tomorrow evening.

MIL (79) had a serious (second) stroke on Tuesday morning. The first one was 2 years ago, she has been bed ridden since that first one with limited speech and mobility.

We saw her Sunday morning and she was fine (she was still living at home with my BIL and carers coming in 4 times a day) but sadly had another stroke on Tuesday.

Shes in hospital and unresponsive, consultant yesterday said it’s doubtful she will come out of hospital. It’s palliative now however a waiting game.

DH morally cannot leave his brother or MIL and come on holiday (understandably). Travel insurance will not cover this third party event (we have checked).

We have a 12 year old DD who has never been on a plane before and has been looking forward to this holiday for months.

DH insists that I should take her whilst he stays here. I feel like MIL could be in this condition for weeks, perhaps he could come but I understand that would be unreasonable. His brother is telling him to come but DH won’t do it.

Should I travel alone for 10 days to Greece with DD? What would you do?

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 02/08/2024 22:18

FatmanandKnobbin · 01/08/2024 08:40

I don't think I would go.

How much is dd likely to enjoy her holiday? You'll be worried about your dh, you'll feel forever guilty if she dies when you're away.

There will be other holidays, but this is a time that will never be repeated.

It's a really tough one, and there is no right or wrong here, so don't feel guilty if you do go, you have your dhs blessing.

This

I couldn't go personally.

noodlebugz · 02/08/2024 22:18

NoSourDough · 01/08/2024 20:55

just come back to this thread and read all the comments, thanks to everyone who took the time.

she has stabilised over the past 24 hours. He has decided to come along after massive persuasion by his DB. If anything changes between now and our flight time then we won’t go but she could very well be in this condition for weeks. So he is coming with us for now.

I’ve just followed this by reading your comments OP.

Im really glad DP is planning to go. It sounds like you all need and deserve it - have a lovely time! x

Ohnobackagain · 02/08/2024 21:59

@NoSourDough if DH is ok with it I’d go, if you feel you want to. If it is a package and she should pass and DH wants you to come back (may not be any point as funeral could be 2-3 weeks and DH may not want you to) then TUI and Jet2 are usually pretty helpful … you will be as safe as at home.

Lizzie67384 · 02/08/2024 21:37

TheSerenePinkOrca · 01/08/2024 09:04

I think your DH should go too.

If I was the MIL in hospital I'd be mortified if my son missed a family holiday just to be around waiting for me to die!

But if your DH won't go then you should still go!

That’s so horrible! You’d leave your dying parent just to go on holiday???

saraclara · 02/08/2024 21:21

laraitopbanana · 02/08/2024 20:41

Hi op,

yes your dh needs to be with his mother. If anything happen…he might not forgive you forcing this.

Just go with your DD. He will be sad to not have come but think worst case scenario. Then make your plan around it.

Good luck 🌺

Edited

OP hasn't forced anything. DH told her to go. Send his brother had persuaded him to join her.

I do wish people would read OPs' posts on threads like this one.

OhcantthInkofaname · 02/08/2024 21:18

Go.

tenterden · 02/08/2024 21:12

I would definitely go. I hope things go well OP X

OliveOyl321 · 02/08/2024 20:46

Soontobe60 · 01/08/2024 08:53

Personally I wouldn’t go. I would want to support my husband.

I have to say I feel the same. Couldn’t imagine being on holidays while my DH was dealing with such a difficult situation. Not a judgement, just me. Hope you’re all okay. Not an easy one on either front.

laraitopbanana · 02/08/2024 20:41

Hi op,

yes your dh needs to be with his mother. If anything happen…he might not forgive you forcing this.

Just go with your DD. He will be sad to not have come but think worst case scenario. Then make your plan around it.

Good luck 🌺

JustMeAndTheFish · 02/08/2024 19:46

Sorry to hear this OP. If you decide to go (and that’s probably a good idea) Jet2 will look after you very well, and Greece is wonderful country to travel solo (as I do) or with children. Santorini tho, at this time of year, will be busy.

BlueFlowers5 · 02/08/2024 19:39

Go on holiday for your DD if you think DH can cope at home.

CauliflowerBalti · 02/08/2024 19:33

Hope you’re enjoying a glass of something cold with your husband after a stressful few days.

You’d have been fine travelling with your daughter alone though. Especially on a package holiday. Have faith in yourself! And enjoy your holiday

Socksey · 02/08/2024 19:23

Az someone who has health issues etc... and your DH has said to go, and I've travelled on my own with DC many times.... go... and have fun...
There are more than 13 pages so I've not seen all the updates... so, unless there is a pressing reason to stay, go and have hmfun with the kids

IggyAce · 02/08/2024 18:54

Honestly go, many years ago my DGM was diagnosed with a brain tumour just before I was due to go on holiday, she insisted that I went. Her op went well, however a few days later she suffered a massive bleed and was declared brain dead the day we flew home. I was able to say goodbye as she died a day after I came home.

SamW98 · 02/08/2024 18:53

Best decision OP. I hope you’re sitting outside a taverna in Santorini now having a lovely dinner and a glass of wine or a cocktail

Efrogwraig · 02/08/2024 18:49

NoSourDough · 01/08/2024 08:38

Thank you - just to add, how would you feel about travelling alone with a child? We are going to Santorini. Would you feel safe? I’m a little nervous.

Yes, l'd feel safe. Go.

DiduAye · 02/08/2024 18:42

Going against the flow here I wouldn't go husband is only going to lose his Mother once there will be other holidays for your daughter.

Guccigirl123 · 02/08/2024 18:35

I would go. Can understand your husband wants to stay with his mum. Have been to Santorini many times, it’s a very friendly and safe place.

AtlanticMum · 02/08/2024 18:33

Ho OP. I hope you are on your way to Greece with DD. You will have a great time and unfortunately these elderly health issues can stretch on. You will be better rested and refreshed to support DH when you get back and also he can focus on the family situ whilst ensuring that DD has a lovely holiday. Best of luck. ( Similarly dithering over a holiday here with an elderly & ill FIL - who is insisting that everyone go on holiday).

Sometimesright · 02/08/2024 17:46

You will be fine Santorini is safe and the Greeks love children

eluned16 · 02/08/2024 12:44

Go. If anything, this shows you how precious life is and you should live it to the full. Greece is very safe & beautiful and you'll have a wonderful time together, I'm sure. Your mil is in safe hands and with her children.

anyolddinosaur · 02/08/2024 09:56

Agree the brother is a star. Plan on bringing him back a nice bottle and if necessary doing a lot of the hospital visiting for several weeks when back. From personal experience this could be months with several hospital dashes along the way.

JMSA · 02/08/2024 08:45

NoSourDough · 01/08/2024 08:38

Thank you - just to add, how would you feel about travelling alone with a child? We are going to Santorini. Would you feel safe? I’m a little nervous.

Of course. I'm a single mum and took my 3 daughters to Greece the other year.

JMSA · 02/08/2024 08:44

I would go, but not for one second blame your husband for not going.

TizerorFizz · 02/08/2024 08:42

@NoSourDough Good news for all
of you. There seemed to be little consideration of your DD in this thread at times. She needs this holiday and, honestly, if someone elderly dies, what on earth can you do? My DM died recently. Family members not around. I was the only visitor near the end. Stay in touch with brother but have a holiday. There’s truly not much you can do. Bigger decisions later on I suspect.