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Original poster

MIL massive stroke 3 days before holiday

387 replies

NoSourDough · 01/08/2024 08:35

We are due to fly to Greece tomorrow evening.

MIL (79) had a serious (second) stroke on Tuesday morning. The first one was 2 years ago, she has been bed ridden since that first one with limited speech and mobility.

We saw her Sunday morning and she was fine (she was still living at home with my BIL and carers coming in 4 times a day) but sadly had another stroke on Tuesday.

Shes in hospital and unresponsive, consultant yesterday said it’s doubtful she will come out of hospital. It’s palliative now however a waiting game.

DH morally cannot leave his brother or MIL and come on holiday (understandably). Travel insurance will not cover this third party event (we have checked).

We have a 12 year old DD who has never been on a plane before and has been looking forward to this holiday for months.

DH insists that I should take her whilst he stays here. I feel like MIL could be in this condition for weeks, perhaps he could come but I understand that would be unreasonable. His brother is telling him to come but DH won’t do it.

Should I travel alone for 10 days to Greece with DD? What would you do?

OP posts:
itsgoodtobehome · 01/08/2024 08:57

I can't comment on the MIL bit as I have never been in that situation. But, I have a DC the same age as yours, and we travel on our own together loads, as I get more annual holiday than DH. So me and DC will quite often go on a little adventure, just the two of us. It's great, and we've never had a problem. You will be fine.

marmite2023 · 01/08/2024 08:57

It was just mum and me my whole life. We’ve gone backpacking in India and all sorts. A trip to one of the most upmarket Greek islands will be fine and it will be good to get your dd out the way so your dh can grieve exactly how he wants, whether that’s crying in bed or drinking beers watching the tv in his pants.

he had said stay then I would, but there’s going to be a load of shit work to do and your dd will still need entertaining and occupying. Your dh is probably relieved that he can get on with things without having to look after dd and house.

Original poster
NoSourDough · 01/08/2024 08:57

katepilar · 01/08/2024 08:56

Why are you worrying about traveling on your own?

I’ve never done it before - I’m sure I will be fine.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 01/08/2024 08:57

Wayk · 01/08/2024 08:38

Check what would be the cost to fly home if she passed. Also ensure your husband will not be resentful later on if you go,

What would be the point in coming home then?

AngelusBell · 01/08/2024 08:56

NoSourDough · 01/08/2024 08:38

Thank you - just to add, how would you feel about travelling alone with a child? We are going to Santorini. Would you feel safe? I’m a little nervous.

I was a single parent and took my DD to Greek islands several times. We didn't feel unsafe at all.

katepilar · 01/08/2024 08:56

Why are you worrying about traveling on your own?

Enchomage · 01/08/2024 08:56

That's hard for you all.I'd go.
We can't always remove all the negatives from a particular course of action, but there are things that might help:
Visit your MIL before you go and speak to her .It's said hearing is the last of the senses to go; even if she's unresponsive. Tell her her son is staying with her and how much all of you care. Whatever you would normally want to say.

Then go, have a different, but special, time with your daughter.
Your husband is suggesting the sensible thing for you all and it could be a consolation for him to know you and your daughter are doing this.

Discuss what you will do if your Mil passes away while you are away.
Get yourself set up with the right phone plan so you can be sure you're in good contact.
Wishing you well.

minipie · 01/08/2024 08:55

I would go.

And if I was in your DH’s shoes I would want you to go. I wouldn’t want to be worrying about you and DD missing the holiday, on top of my grief about my mum.

Werweisswohin · 01/08/2024 08:55

I wouldn't go.
If it were the opposite scenario, so if your DM was this ill, would you mind if DH took your child on holiday and left you alone to potentially watch your DM die?

Original poster
NoSourDough · 01/08/2024 08:55

Galoop · 01/08/2024 08:51

I wouldn't. You should support your husband. How would you feel if the situation was reversed?

He has told me to go. I would tell him to go.

My gut is actually saying that she will keep going a few weeks and will still be here when we get back.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 01/08/2024 08:55

If it was my MIL there's no way I'd go. I'd want to be with her as much as possible.

In your situation though I'd take DD, but there is absolutely no way I'd expect DH to leave his mum.

Bluebirdover · 01/08/2024 08:55

Go, your DH is happy with it.

CrumpledBankNote · 01/08/2024 08:54

Can it not be pushed back? Even if there's an administration fee etc.

High likelihood is she will die whilst you're away - brother or not I would never leave my husband to deal with that without my support.

WimpoleHat · 01/08/2024 08:54

jay55 · 01/08/2024 08:49

Go, might make things easier on your husband to be able to just do what he needs to for a few days without worrying about you. He and his brother will likely want time together too.

I thought this too - in the nicest possible way, it might be easier for him if you’re not there (especially as you’ll all be - understandably- disappointed about the holiday). Find out what your DH genuinely wants and do it. Travelling with a 12 year old is absolutely no problem, especially given you’re going to a major resort. All best wishes to you all; horrible thing to deal with.

MouseofCommons · 01/08/2024 08:54

Go. I'm sure your MIL would want her granddaughter to have a holiday. As long as your DD is OK with it then it's a shame to miss out.

theeyeofdoe · 01/08/2024 08:53

I've been on holiday many times with my three children without DH (he's really fussy about holidays and we can't afford the ones he likes more than once a year).
I suspect your DH also just won't feel like a holiday.

Soontobe60 · 01/08/2024 08:53

Personally I wouldn’t go. I would want to support my husband.

Dopaminefuelled · 01/08/2024 08:53

When my DM had a stroke the travel insurance covered my holiday which was 2 months after the stroke due to ongoing hospitalisation. They covered for me, DP and DD.

Original poster
NoSourDough · 01/08/2024 08:53

Thank you all so much, really appreciate these comments and guidance.

It’s a package with Jet2.

OP posts:
Needanewname42 · 01/08/2024 08:53

I'd double check with insurance. MIL is an immediate relative.

But failing that I think you should take DD. I can't imagine wanting to go on holiday if my mum was receiving palliative care after a stroke.
However of the 3 oldies I know who died after a stoke 1 was immediate, the other 2 lasted about 6 weeks.

Might be worth asking the Doctors what timeline they'd give her.

OMGsamesame · 01/08/2024 08:53

Galoop · 01/08/2024 08:51

I wouldn't. You should support your husband. How would you feel if the situation was reversed?

He has said they should go.

OMGsamesame · 01/08/2024 08:53

NoSourDough · 01/08/2024 08:38

Thank you - just to add, how would you feel about travelling alone with a child? We are going to Santorini. Would you feel safe? I’m a little nervous.

What, specifically are you nervous about? Greece is a very easy place to visit.

(I would also follow your DH lead. If things change while you're there and you need/want to come back early then you'll have that option, you can still check in with your DH regularly while you're away).

TheSecretIsland · 01/08/2024 08:52

Yes I'd go. But I'd also go if I was your dh. Sadly you have already lost MIL if she in unconscious in hospital.

Galoop · 01/08/2024 08:51

I wouldn't. You should support your husband. How would you feel if the situation was reversed?

Snacksgalore · 01/08/2024 08:50

Is it a package deal? Who with?

TUI allowed us to move our holiday to a much later date free of charge when my Mum was moved onto pallative care.

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