MIL massive stroke 3 days before holiday

If it were the opposite scenario, so if your DM was this ill, would you mind if DH took your child on holiday and left you alone to potentially watch your DM die?

People are different, yes I would genuinely want DH to rather go on holiday than sit with me in those circumstances.

I'd follow DH's lead. This is his time to say goodbye, there isn't anything you can do for MiL, and at this point he may like the space and time to be with her and with his brother and to know that even while this goes on, that you and his daughter are ok and doing things together with her not being distressed by it. If he isn't in need of you there for support then I'd take your daughter, and go and do your best to have a good time. I'm so sorry you're all going through this.

@NoSourDough Your mil has been ill for a while. She doesn’t sound as if she will survive to be honest. But when the worst happens, you won’t have any input. Your DH will be expecting this. In the next 10-12 days, there’s nothing you can do and he has family. Your dc could not do anything either. Your DC should be taken on holiday or you might never get one .

It’s easy enough to travel. Just arrive early at the airport, bag drop is usually 3 hours before flight so aim for that. Then go through security (read up on what’s required and pack accordingly) then head to a cafe! Don’t forget your passports. Just follow the herd at the other end. Are you being collected?

You will be fine. Let dc relax. This might be the only chance you get.

Yes. You should go.

It would be one thing if you and your partner were devoted to her and wanted to be with her for your own reasons.

I have been through something similar recently. My difficult and abusive mum was failing for a long time, would be close to death, then recover, then fail, then recover... Went on for several months. My brother and I encouraged each other to take our holidays while the other held the fort. As it turned out, she did die half way through my holiday. I have no regrets.

Go. Definitely go. Your DH should go to - I’m sure his mum would rather he was on a much needed holiday with his family than sitting by her bedside. She won’t know he’s not there.

Please go. Don’t worry about not having your husband there.
For what it is worth, most insurance companies would not have covered your family in the event of MIL having a stroke, given that she had already had one.

I think you'll be fine.

As a grandparent I'd really want you to go if that were me

OP has also just added another comment, with more information that she somehow managed to 'forget' in the initial post. 🫣🫣🫣

I would be very surprised, OP. After an event like this (and being told she's palliative) I imagine it will be days.

I would take DD and go, but I'd understand why DH has to stay. I'm not going to get into your feelings towards your MIL, but as PP said, you staying won't change anything. DH has his brother for support and you'll be back in two weeks. If the worst happens more quickly than expected he may be able to fly out and join you. Particularly if MIL has been bedbound for years, this isn't exactly unexpected and may partly be a relief. But my family may also be a callous lot, as we're very pragmatic about this sort of thing.

Whether or not you and your DD go on holiday has nothing to do with your MIL. She's not even conscious, and even if she were, she wouldn't have the right to an opinion.

Take your DD to see her in hospital today if you feel that is the right thing to do. Or not. I think your DD is old enough to say whether she wants to or not, and you're her parents so you're best placed to judge whether she can cope with that emotionally. And then go on your holiday.

Whether your MIL was emotionally abusive or not, it's important to let your DH decide what he wants to do here.

Is there any chance he could fly out to join you later if the situation changes at all?

I'd be tempted to complain about Jet2 on social media, they've been horribly inflexible.

Pull up your big girl panties. I travel with my autistic kid on our own plenty. Last year we went to Tenerife for a week. We've also done Paris, plenty of other UK destinations. Since I split with my exH when she was 8 I've not had many other options if we want a vacation. She is 13 this year and we are actually off on holiday with my new partner but I wouldn't hesitate to take her on my own. We have a blast!!

Perhaps it would have been helpful to state this at the beginning - you would possibly have got some very different replies.

Then your DH should come too.

If needs be he could always fly back if she dies but to be honest it won't change anything so he might as well enjoy quality family time instead.

This happened to my lovely MIL. She had a massive stroke. Was completely unresponsive, husband dashed up to be at her side and to support his sister as we were told death was imminent. She lasted another three to four weeks afterwards. I would go on your holiday. It will be lovely and better for your daughter to remember her granny as she was when you last saw her. She could well be still alive on your return, particularly if her heart is in good nick. Have a lovely holiday.

I think I would call the holiday company to try to postpone the holiday to half term in October or to next summer. If they refuse and your holiday insurance refuses, then I would contact the hotel direct and ask if they could change the dates and then buy new flights. I have always found hotels very reasonable. We had to postpone a big birthday weekend with relatives that had been booked and paid for as it clashed with a family funeral - we had to compromise on rooms but they did their best to find us new dates and there was no additional charge. I would fly to Greece with a child without a second thought and have done, but I don’t think I could enjoy a holiday under those circumstances.

You should go, your daughter is 12 and it's her first trip abroad, not only are you going to be just waiting for grandma to die but it might not happen until you return.

Sounds harsh but it's a chance to get some 1 on 1 girls time before she's about to turn in to a teenager and you might not get another chance to do this. I understand it would be a lot nicer to have your husband there but realistically no matter how badly she's treated him, he would feel guilty if he left, you however don't need to, unless he needs your support, is he close to his brother?

Her DH wants her to go. In this situation I would do what my partner wanted.

I also agree that sometimes it's easier not to have to be worrying about someone else. DH can focus on his mum and brother more easily if OP and DD are elsewhere.

Go. I remember the first time I went away with just me and my then 13 year old DS - I was terrified. We also went to Greece and it was a fabulous week. We really had quality time together and came back much more chilled.

I let him have a few laying while I got up early and sat round the pool on my own, headphones in zoned out the outside world.

It’s a lovely chance to spend 1 on 1 time together before they get too old to want to. I really regret covid restrictions meant I lost the chance of a couple more holidays with my son.

I went to Santorini last year and it’s very safe. Where are you staying?

Jet2 packages are very easy, so many reps everywhere to help you find your gate/transfer etc so i wouldn't worry about travelling alone with your daughter. With his blessing i would go, it might not be a bad thing for him to only have to focus on himself and his brother for a little bit and shield your daughter from some of the immediate pain.
So sorry for you all OP.

Go. Pack light regards clothes but take some home comforts. Cuddly toys, snacks in suitcase, good tea bags and a favourite mug.

I'm in Greece’s only worn a few dresses and flip flops in 10 days. Loads of swimming costumes and undies. It’s v hot, high 30’s

Id follow your dh lead here. Does he have support which he does. Also how would your dc and your feel if your mil passed whilst you were away. However is there anything you can do if you were there and maybe taking dc away best option. It's just an awful situation. Thoughts with you and your family.