MIL massive stroke 3 days before holiday

Enjoy, glad you've all got away.
Hope you have a blast. And remember that BIL is a star for persuading DH to go.

Great update, OP. Enjoy (all of you)!

Pleased to see your update @NoSourDough and I'm glad that your DH is getting some much needed rest.

Thanks for updating us OP and glad you’re having a good break.

Wonderful update . X

DH had a big birthday, I organized a WE abroad with our two children, their partners and babies. Mil was in hospital for observation, the doctors told us to yes go, nothing would change and when we came back we could move her to assisted facilities. Mil was stable, only a bit out of it. We left a day ahead because of very long drive. First night : phonecall from the hospital at midnight, Mil had died. Husband and I sat and talked it through. He's an only child, like both of his parents. Hardly any family. All the people who really matter to us were already on their way to meet us. So we decided not to return to our own country but to continue to the destination, tell our children in person their grandma died, spend the WE together and then go home. Next morning we called the undertaker we already knew from when Fil died, they did a great job and took care of everything that needed to be done right then. After the WE we drove home in one day, taking turns because it was a 12 hour drive. Next day straight to the undertakers. Funeral etc. went perfectly. Some people told us it was harsh what we did, but we were all together as a family, only not at home. I would do it again, no regrets!

Intrigued to know what the word is and what it translates to?

@NoSourDough I hope you all managed to get away and are now relaxing in Santorini. It will do you all good to be having a break, whatever happens

I am so glad you have managed to get DH to go and you are all going away as a family. Honestly your DH being around at her bedside would not have made any difference especially if she’s unconscious now.

far better and more constructive to spend some family time together. On a practical level, you’ve spent so much money on the holiday/ insurance - don’t waste it; especially if your DH himself has health issues.

enjoy your holiday and being together as a family.X

Your child isn't a baby anymore, I think you'll be fine together. 💝

Glad to hear both you and your DH are going. If it was my sibling I'd want them to go on holiday.

If my mother was a narcissistic witch who had been ill for 2 years and currently stable then yes I'd go.

My grandfather did not want anyone grieving for him, just celebrating his life, and would have been very cross if I'd given up a family holiday to wait for him to die.

It's just death. It will happen when it happens whether the OP is there or not. They're not close so no benefit of "being there".

@Lizzie67384 and if it were you who was dying, would you want death bed scenario or would you rather your family went on holiday?

I suspect the brother thinks he should say they’re welcome to go on holiday, but if my brother said that to me, I’d obviously know the right thing to do would be to stay.

The original post was that the MIL had suffered strokes and was likely to die imminently. Of course, if there is no pressing urgency then they should go but from what OP originally wrote it sounded like the MIL was likely to die soon.

If my mother suffered a series of strokes and was unresponsive in hospital, I certainly wouldn’t be going off on holiday, I mean could you even enjoy it? I’d also be concerned about the lesson I was teaching my child - but I guess, reap what you sow? Perhaps the op’s daughter will go on holiday in a similar situation and maybe op is fine with that.

@Lizzie67384 the brother has told them to go on holiday. The mother has stabilised. She has been bed bound for 2 years. Do you never go on holiday until she dies?

Definitely go but without your husband. I flew to Crete on my own with a 4 and 5 year old. We were fine , will give you and your little one some time alone together.

Well a) it’s selfish to leave your sibling to deal with it alone and b) how could you possibly have a good time on holiday knowing your mother is dying at home?

They're not dying alone. The brother is there.

I think that’s utterly selfish! How could you enjoy a holiday knowing your parent was dying alone?

The MIL obviously has contact with both sons, so it’s not like they have cut her out of their lives - it really is remarkable how selfish people are.

A mother who has been ill for 2 years and who is a horrible person and they are currently stable... so yes I would!

And quite frankly if it was me dying I'd be furious if my kids and grandchildren missed a holiday just in case I stuffed it!!!

Oh how I wish you had read well what I wrote too 😵‍💫 this wouldn’t be ackward…

Never said she did but that she shouldn’t as it is important for him to attend his mom.

passive aggressive aren’t ya’?

Arf^ 🌺

I would go on my own with the child. Travelling alone with a 12 year old on a package holiday is quite straight forward.

I am travelling a lot on my own with my children. Hard work when they were younger and there were two of them but not with one. I am right now on holiday alone with my 12-year old. It's not a package and we travelled 10 hours by train yesterday. It's all fine at that age.

I have to admit I respect the pragmatic approach. There’s nothing you or your dd can do, you might as well get some enjoyment out of your holiday.

Sadly for me this is in stark contrast to how my family operates. We are Mediterranean so coming together as a family is just the done thing. Even when it makes everyone more agitated. The older generation have a word for this behaviour which they associate with Western Europeans who are viewed as cold and a bit selfish. It was said when they saw my husband wanting to split a bill. But I view it as sensible tbh.

Go. Your daughter will do better on holiday (by the way Santorini is perfectly safe) and your DH will stay with his mum as he wants to do.
If she should die while you're away, I wouldn't rush back either. DH has the support of his brother and an extra drama would not be helpful for your girl.