Trying so hard with my twitching

The OP has posted multiple threads where she has been given a lot of advice, most of which she hasn’t taken, and has had plenty of medical investigations (and hasn’t been taking supplements that’s she’s been told to take by medical professionals). There may be an underlying health issue, but given her posts both on this thread and others, the biggest issue is her mental health, which is stopping her actually acting on advice because she just spirals.

OP has some symptoms that need investigating. But on top of that she has panic and anxiety about the symptoms, which can be helped by MH support. Not saying the whole thing is due to MH but MH issues are exacerbating the situation.

Ok so this is now making sense. Your first experience of someone being seriously ill was your mum not dealing with it. The reaction she modelled for you was that it was catastrophic, world ending, something to be terrified of. Her reaction was probably quite traumatic for you at 16, especially when you were already dealing with your own feelings about it. Did your relative recover?

Then losing your dog, so unexpectedly, sounds like he went downhill fast. This may have created in your mind a belief that any minor illness or symptoms could be something sinister that could potentially cause you to go downhill at any time.

Logically I'm sure you know that statistically this is unlikely but these two experiences have in effect created a major trigger for your anxiety. You have trauma there and are being constantly triggered. This is of course just my theory and musings, I may be wrong, I may be bang on the money.

As someone who has CPTSD I have real sympathy for this if its what is happening but since triggers can't be avoided, it's a case of having to deal with them. Have you ever heard of EMDR therapy? I think it could be very useful to you, especially in conjunction with some CBT.

While you look into what is available, wait for referrals etc it might be worth looking at methods of breaking out of a spiral.

You have to consciously prevent yourself going there. I tell myself out loud to stop it. 'Of course they don't hate you, Balloon, they don't even know you, don't be so fucking ridiculous. Drink your coffee and stop thinking before you give yourself a headache.'

Tell the paranoid part of your brain to shush, not now, you're busy and its chatting shit anyway. Reason with yourself aloud, like we're doing here. No, you don't have xyz. This is why.

Distraction techniques. I sometimes play the kids games if I'm anxious. Who can focus on a panic attack when this FUCKING PIKACHU is getting carried by the whole team for 2 towns and still goes down in one hit? Not that Pokemon gives me road rage or anything...

Grounding is another good one to start with. Count 5 things you can See. 4 things you can Hear. 3 things you can Feel. 2 things you can smell. 1 thing you can Taste.

Carry chewing gum. Or Smints or something. Burst of taste or even loud music can sometimes halt the mental merry go round.

Patting helps. Use your hand on your collarbone and pat firmly and slowly. It simulates a slower heartbeat and your own will often slow to a similar rhythm.

Be around animals. Dogs, horses whatever, they're very soothing presences. Horses in particular I find calming. Riding lessons changed my life. Though I am now known as She Who Has the Treats so get followed across the field by a procession of horses like the pied piper. Or as another poster suggests, could you get a dog?

You can absolutely change things. You just have to go into practical mode and set the balls rolling.

The people saying you need mental health help anger me so much. Until you experience something as scary as having your nervous system turn against you, shut up. You have no idea how isolating it is. The lack of sleep alone is enough to start sending you crazy.

And to think it could be something as simple as MSG doing it.

I have had what you’re experiencing. For me it was a combination of electrolyte imbalance, low b vitamins and strangely enough, an intolerance to msg (yes msg can cause this horrendous experience). I couldn’t sleep properly for months, had numbness in hands, felt like I had insects walking on me.

I was terrified I was developing something like MS. I really hope this helps as I know how scary it is.

Increase your b12 anyway, see if it helps. Fish (especially oily), Eggs, Dairy, Meat, especially liver and organs (once a week) are extremely high in b vitamins.

Have you had a b12 blood test? Low b12 causes all sorts of nervous system issues.

What does your husband say about all of this, is he supportive?, is he getting support? You are clearly not functioning on any level and I think you need more help than anyone can offer on here, you need to speak to a professional. Health anxiety is absolutely hideous, I really hope you can find a way through.

www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/where-to-get-urgent-help-for-mental-health/

Have you considered getting another dog OP? I don't know if it's possible right now and haven't read all replies. But it might really help your anxiety and give you something else to focus on. Get a sturdy breed - not one that is known to be short lived or prone to illness - from a rescue perhaps.

What was your dog’s name? My little buddy is snoring on the floor.

Sounds like you have some unresolved trauma . I’m still of the opinion of a lot of self care and tlc being the best cure.

I've rtft. Bloody hell. You're expecting the tablets to upset your system so it's become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's all just your anxiety.

Oh gosh, can you ask for a GP referral to a specialist mental health physio? Most will be the very best people to do CBT for health anxiety, because they will actually examine you (the twitiching) thoroughly beforehand, will do this type of CBT all the time, and they are also skilled at treating hyperventilation.

Even if something is wrong, there is clearly health anxiety too, and CBT will certainly help - but the wait for physio will probably be less too.

A general physio assessment may be temporarily reassuring re anything neurological (less so re the bowels etc), but they wouldb't be ale to address everything else.

OP. We are back to being ridiculous now. Get a grip. There is no cancer. They have checked. Liver or Pancreatic cancer is blindingly obvious in even the most basic blood tests.

Pale stools are normal when your body is a nervous wreck! Too much adrenaline, too much cortisol, body in overdrive will dump everything. That's why when you are nervous about something you often need to pee every 5 minutes.

Dumping everything means that food is not staying in the gut long enough to be fully digested. Especially if you have digestive trouble already. Hence yellow poo.

I always know when I get the shits whether it's a bug or anxiety related. Anxious shits are more yellowy and have a distinctly foul smell to them.

Stress will always exacerbate any digestive troubles. The stomach is ALWAYS the first to go.

You NEED to lower your anxiety levels before you do yourself serious damage. Go for a massage and STOP thinking of everything as a symptom.

Do a bit of CBT here. We want What, Why, Hard Evidence For, Hard Evidence Against, Reasonable Conclusion.

Get a sheet of paper, divide it into 5 columns and in the first write out exactly what you are afraid of. Then in the second column write Why you think that. In the third column write down what hard evidence you have that it is cancer. And by hard evidence I mean test results, supporting evidence not just your feelings. We with anxiety cannot trust our feelings, our minds are not to be trusted.

Fourth column is what evidence you have that is ISN'T cancer. So you have a clear blood test, possible coeliac or intolerance, raging stress levels that would account for the lighter stool. New meds etc

Then in the fifth one you tot up the evidence in columns 3 and 4 and you write the likelihood of it being what you fear. So you have say 2 things that might indicate cancer (you don't, that's just an example) and 6 that you don't. The evidence points to you not having cancer.

It's hard to accept the fact that what is wrong with you is psychological. I've been on the same journey. But you cannot trust what your mind tells you, your mind is a nervous wreck.

Think back OP when did this start? This thinking that every niggle is a major illness? What is at the root of it? Were you ever seriously ill as a child? Someone close to you? Something must have triggered this to start with, maybe something that you don't even realise affected you. Think hard. What was the first thing? Ever?

Hell all of this could be a distraction technique that you don't even know you're employing. Actually thinking about it that's pretty likely. You really resist thinking about the anxiety or treating it. Any time we attempt to get you to start getting proper help, you come up with some new disease you're positive you have. Time to push it aside and look at what you're avoiding. Really look at it. Don't you want a life free of this?

I am so glad you slept well. That’s a really good step.

Your doctor sounds very effective and thorough.

Hang in there, use the tools you have to treat yourself well. Let the tools the GP has do their stuff.

No you don’t have pancreatic cancer or liver disease. Maybe something else… but you don’t have the symptoms of those specific things. The twitching is a much bigger concern than any of the other stuff you’re worrying about. You need to talk to your GP about anxiety.

Have you had covid or any other viral disease before this started- apparently it can be a rare effect of it?

i’ll link this thread from 2022 where the upshot of it is that a virus can sometimes affect the nervous system and cause twitching.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/coronavirus/4555025-anyone-had-muscle-twitching-after-covid?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

That gentle running commentary you do for fretful children. It’s very soothing.

You can suck your thumb too, if you fancy it!

With the box breathing and the 5 senses grounding work. And the chatting quietly to yourself.

I’m likely to fall asleep soon so won’t be able to keep you company. I know you are ok, though. Breathe.

Have you never tried talking to yourself? It can be really comforting. You can do it out loud, treat yourself like a toddler.

Right, Come on Keir we’re getting over tired. I think a hot chocolate and an early night is what we need. Let’s get the milk out…

etc etc.

Food does move through quickly when you are unsettled.

I had a funny stomach ache once, was convinced it was something awful. Was rolling on the floor clutching my stomach. Turned out to be just a nervous tummy. Now I know what it is, I don’t get so worried and I know what not to do to make it worse 🤣