To expect DH to come with us?

Your relationship makes me sad reading about it

This isn’t really about camping, it’s about you doing life alone while shackled to a man. You make his life convenient in the name of family life while he contributes very little by the sound of it.

Stop facilitating him. Don’t pay for his holidays, stop covering all the bases and maybe you’ll realise you’re better off without him if you’re doing it alone anyway.

Honestly, and respectfully, you sound like a bit of a martyr. I'm sure the TV unit didn't need to be built the day after your surgery.

You've purchased a tent he didn't want for holidays he doesn't want to go on and you're mad at him.

Are the kids keen to go because you've made it such a big deal?

I wouldn't invest £1500 in something I knew wasn't going to be loved by everyone.

He's a grown man who doesn't have to go.

“AIBU to think he’s an arse for: 1) thinking it’s okay to expect me to pitch and pack away the giant tent alone? 2) not having any regard to a lone female camping with young DC, having never camped before? (Obviously many females do this and I’m actually confident to this myself - but I’d expect him to have some regard to this). 3) having no regard to the fact that it’s for the benefit of fhe DC when we rarely get family time?”

Yes YABU.

1. you should of thought about pitching and packing away before the purchase. You said he wasn’t enthusiastic about the purchase so that should of given you a hint.
2. again you should of thought about that before deciding on camping.
3. as a family could a decision it of been made together about what you could do rather than you making the decision then not being happy that DH doesn’t want to go along with it

Tell him to F off altogether

You may as well be on your own!

I think yabu. He wasn’t overly enthusiastic, which should have been your first clue that he’s not really interested in camping. I couldn’t think of anything worse and wouldn’t be going either.

Yep, this. Is he actually willing to contribute his time to anything for his children/family? It sounds like he's now seeing your enthusiasm for camping as an excuse to spend even more time away from his family and being a parent. OP, any chance you can downsize the tent so that it is big enough for the three of you and easy to put up and down on your own? I think you husband is a lost cause.

It's a husband problem.

I had the same. Married to his business. Worked 14 hour days. Refused to take time off. Never wanted to do anything with the kids. Anything that needed doing around the house was either me, or me nagging him. All had to be on his terms. I ended up taking the kids away alone several years in a row, as he didn't want to. They did, but he chose not to listen to them when they told him they wanted dad to come too (never ever camping though... Lovely fortnights abroad without him)

Notice my use of the past tense.

We divorced after 20 years. Kids have very little to do with him now, as he chose to have little to do with them as they grew up.

If you've never been in the situation, you can't empathise with what the OP is experiencing.

I rarely say it, but on this occasion I'm calling LTB now. Else you'll do it later and regret wasting years of your life expecting him to get better or do more.

He won't.

Enjoy your lone camping with your lovely children.

What is he bringing into this marriage? If you were to leave would it make your life harder or easier?

If you're happy and confident to go on your own, what are you moaning about?

I’m not sure why you’re still with him tbh. Your updates and previous threads demonstrate that he doesn’t really give a shit about his family.

I wouldn’t be paying for any 5* holidays for him either. Leave him at home, then you and DC can go for two weeks which you would prefer, for similar price. You’re doing him a favour, enabling him to spend yet another week doing what he wants.

Are you happy to stay married to him OP. Your life with him doesn’t seem to be happy at all.
He brings nothing to your life and especially nothing to your children’s life.
He sounds like a miserable tight lazy Husband and Father.
I couldn’t stay with someone who takes so little interest in the family. It’s very sad.

If the dc are desperate to go camping sign them up for scouts or something .

I'm not usually a one for LTB but I am not at all sure what benefit there is to remaining in this marriage.

Camping is nice for like one weekend a year in decent weather.

And at a push one other night when it's the sensible option instead of a hotel.

Otherwise book me into a hotel which for the money you've spent on the tent could be quite a nice one

In a normal, healthy relationship, if he was there he would be pulling his weight. Feeling you have to call someone a lazy arse, whether you are afraid of his reaction or not, is already an indication that something is wrong.

I would love to tell you to go nuclear on him, but, without wanting to jump the gun, the sort of self-centred behaviour he displays and your passive reaction to it suggests an emotionally abusive dynamic where you're essentially walking on eggshells around him.

In a normal, emotionally healthy relationship, you'd feel able to tell him that he needs to fucking pull his weight and stop being a passenger without being afraid of his reaction.

That's because it is all on you. You husband is not involved in family life. He is basically a lodger in the lives of you and the children.

As for being a martyr, it's not that you do it all that makes your a martyr. It's when and how you do things, such as putting furniture together when recovering from surgery or buyng a tent that's almost too heavy for you to lift.

OP, you can't make people do anything they don't want to do. If he wanted to he would, but he's not. You can only draw your conclusions from there and base your decisions on what you know.

Tbh I love my DD more than life itself but if my husband told me he was taking her camping for 4-5 nights I would be bowing out too. Camping is so, so shit and that's such a long time. If he didn't explicitly agree to it originally you can't be mad at him.

Some people like camping, some people don't. It's quite a niche thing. You can't just buy a tent and demand he doesn't something he doesn't want to😂

Is that because he puts his earnings back in the business tho whereas you are PAYE with more disposable?

Either way it's only relevant as to the value of his business and whether he has no choice but to work very hard or whether he doesn't need to but chooses to as you said upthread. I am a small business owner and I know all too well that it sucks up way more time than the strict day-to-day management alone.

Your behaviour in trying to corrall him cmaping was unreasonable but also I think symptomatic of your deeper resentment about his input into family life. And I think the only way forward is to discuss properly whether he can/wants to take some of that time back from the business and put it into the family. And what that rebalancing would ideally look like for both of you.

You need to get to the heart of the matter, not fight a proxy war with tents, because it won't achieve anything and just buuild up further resentment on both sides.

The camping trip is a red herring. There's bigger things at play in this relationship than dh's refusal to go camping.

I'm afraid the issue I think is your marriage. Sounds like he is completely switched off unless it's something of benefit to him. I'd imagine he is the same on the 5* AI? He is allowed to say he didn't like camping and didn't want to go again but I don't think there was any enthusiasm there to begin with. If DH said he wanted to take our DC to an AI in a hot country then I'd go. It's not my kind of holiday and I absolutely detest sun and hot weather but I'd make an effort at least. Id hide in the shade with board games, watch any resting kids and make do basically.

We are a camping family so a little skewed compared to most posters here. Took the kids away for the weekend in our monster tent this year (first time with them, they are 3&5). They had a fantastic time, hard work putting it up and down but the memories are priceless for us. They are still talking about it from nearly two months ago. If it's something you want to do with the kids just crack on.

In regards to safety I don't think I've ever felt unsafe on a site. We've never gone wild camping or anything like that. Sites are generally secure and if you go for the family friendly ones for the school holidays you definitely won't have issues as a lone woman. I am thinking about taking the eldest away next year for a girls camping weekend with my smaller tent and my husband has absolutely no qualms about our safety. He actively encourages us to go.