To expect DH to come with us?

He's married to a control freak.

This. That said it sounds like he had opportunities to express reticence and gave it a bash. He could have been more open about his lack of enthusiasm.

How old are your kids? Too young to help?
In my limited experience of camping (which I dislike) there is no shortage of people prepared to give you a hand to drag something in or out of a boot so I would just crack on

obviously be financially a lot worse off. We’d survive, but I imagine our life would change quite a lot.

If you’re the one facilitating the DC’s lives and out-earning your DH - or at least what he chooses to contribute - and he only spends 2 weeks a year grudgingly on ‘family time’ then I don’t know why you think you’d be worse off.

Divorce makes everyone poorer, this is undeniably true. But in a day-to-day sense (rather than an overall net worth sense) you sound in a decent position to ditch the selfish twat and move on.

Anyway I'm with the other posters who say this marriage seems to have died a death. You have a lot of scorn and contempt for your husband - whether justified or not it's hard to say because your posts are rambling and stray from the point (eg saying your dh should worry about your safety, while insisting you don't worry about it yourself etc etc).

It does sound a bit like you dislike him so you find faults in a scattergun way to justify your dislike rather than you disliking him because of those faults.

But regardless of the justification, you loathe him. Might as well end it surely

So on the face of it he would appear to be a workaholic and works every hour under the sun, but he actually only gets paid for ~30 hours…he just has poor time management and fills his days with “work related stuff”

Just as an aside because this is not the main point of the thread... this is just what it's like being self employed isn't it? You have to do all your own marketing/sales, tax accounts etc etc. To an outsider it looks like inefficient busywork because they aren't billable tasks but they have to get done.

And he never will OP

He's not going to change.

It's up to you if you put up with this or not.

You just seem to be adapting your answers to whatever you feel the criticism is at the time.

He works too much, he’s a workaholic etc - has now become he only works 30 hours a week and you work more.

So he is always at work is a lie because 30 hours is not being always at work. I would love to do a 30 hour week.

You are flip flopping from one nonsensical moan to the next. You say you bought it and have been blasé about going it alone. You’re capable and intended to go just you and the kids (according to some posts). According to others your life would be in danger if you did so, because you’re a poor weak female who needs a man to fix everything and hold the heavy things…

I’m honestly not surprised he’s not keen on engaging with you because you really do
sound exhausting. It sounds very passive aggressive and that’s not a pleasant way for either of you to live.

Your marriage sounds pretty broken and a tent was never going to fix that.

My husband would come camping (if I had a blow to the head and decided I want to subject us all to such torture) and he would absolutely want to help with the lifting, carrying, camping admin. He wouldn’t leave a TV unit unbuilt. He wants to be around us and makes sure we know it. But that’s nothing to do with camping and everything to do with the fact we are happily married.

Clearly you aren’t. With one breath you’re saying how he’s so disengaged in family life and another you’re posting in confusion that he doesn’t want to prioritise a miserable 5 days in a tent over anything other than a miserable 5 days in a tent. He was already disengaged from family life, what did you actually expect?

Camping is REALLY hard work even for those who actually enjoy it. Your marriage sounds equally hard work. It’s not surprising regardless of whose fault the state of your marriage is that he doesn’t fancy 5 nights under canvas all stuck together pretending it’s a jolly holiday….

Straw and camel's back. Would it be tricky to find all of his money as finances are separate? I've heard about forensic accountants on here, might be worth investigating. Is he aware that you're thinking of splitting? Or does he just not bothered? He'd be losing a lot more than you!

To be frank, OP, I’d be looking to divorce him.

I can’t tell you how much more enjoyable family holidays are since I got divorced.

And there’s far less resentment in “doing everything” if there isn’t a lazy arse just sat in front of you, scrolling through his phone. This was the case even when the DC were small!

Now mine are 15 and 10 so the big one will lift anything heavy as she’s a lot stronger than me! And the younger one isn’t bad at helping now either.

I knew you’d get loads of replies saying you bought the tent, he didn’t even want to, so therefore why should he go with you!!

I would only agree to this if he categorically said no way am I camping so don’t bother. He didn’t so I feel he’s being unreasonable.

Families are about compromise. And why wouldn’t he want to spend time with you all? This is the bigger issue isn’t it.

He was also unreasonable to sit back and watch you put up a massive tent. In fact this would piss me off BIG time.

But some mumsnetters will tell you that it’s your fault because you bought the tent so you should of course put it up.

What a selfish and bizarre attitude. What happened to caring for your partner and doing something for the greater good and to be kind.

He sounds incredibly selfish and you sound fully able to support yourself. Something to think about...

The difference is, when I’d discussed my ideas of getting a tent and going camping, he never once objected/said it was a bad idea/that he wouldn’t come.

This is the key bit that made me vote YANBU. You discussed it with him. The default obviously was that you intended this as a family affair. If he knew he wasn’t into camping, or even wasn’t sure if it was for him, he should have piped up then. You could always have borrowed/ hired a tent for a “trial” trip to see if he was ok with it if he wasn’t sure.

Now that you’ve shelled out so much money, I don’t think he should be refusing to come.

What were his ideas as to what you all should do for a family holiday.

Why not just leave him? Sounds like you can afford to.

Are you an influencer OP?

Brutally, he clearly doesn’t give a shit. Did he even want kids? Presumably he was this uninvolved before they arrived? I frankly don’t see the point of him. You do all the running in this relationship, even to the point of paying half of holidays despite earning far less. Have you looked at how much you’d get if you dumped the useless arse? I can’t see why you’d want to stay, it’s not like he’d want the dc 50% from the sounds of it.

OP and a lot of posters have commented that this guy is "checked out of family life" - but he goes on two long haul family holidays a year, and went on the "test weekend" for the new tent, so he isn't fully checked out....

He works very hard - I assume the family benefits from his income? If not, if he keeps the majority of it for himself, that's perhaps different. But if he is working to allow you all a great lifestyle, then I think that does deserve some kudos yes.....

And some people just hate camping. Why would you want to insist the person you love does a thing they hate? Just go with the kids while he's working......

I wouldn't go either. You do you.

As a teacher, you can often discern which are the camping children in a class, they are often calmer, less materialistic, less reliant on screens, more imaginative, less materialistic and more confident and appreciative.

What rubbish.
In fact sounds like your entire post is a fantasy - I dont believe a word of it.