To expect DH to come with us?

This isn't really about the camping...
He's lazy and selfish
He doesn't think of anyone but himself
He sees child stuff as your job

And you just want him to prioritise you and the kids for once?

Does that sum it up?

Why, as you seem to have little regard for him! Were he to spend £1500 on, say, climbing equipment then expect you to accompany him and the children I doubt you would be thrilled.

Definitely this. It was apparently your project, and he tried it out.

You say he never takes time off but also that you have to holidays a year.

How many weeks, days equivalent of annual leave does he take? 5- 6 weeks is normal and average.

The camping is a bit of a red herring, the issue is about how much time he actually takes off.

Sit down and plan the year and when he's taking time off, and then discuss what you do with it.

Sounds like a nightmare. Why would anyone want to go through that torture when they have a perfectly nice comfortable house to live in. If I go on holiday I expect my life to be nicer not worse.

On the face of it, I would say that the person who went out and spent over a grand on camping equipment with little to no involvement from the other person and now expects that person to come on regular camping trips is being unreasonable.

But from reading your updates it sounds like you're just desperately trying to get your husband to show an interest in family life and all he wants to focus on is himself and his business

Take your kids camping by yourself and get used to doing more things without him. Take some time to think about whether you want to be married to him in the long term.

I can't believe you risked your health after major surgery to prove a point.

If the TV stand was that important why not put it together before surgery? You are responsible for your own decisions.

I love camping. I'm capable of camping on my own with ds. I don't want any man worrying about me.

You are in an unhappy marriage. Why are you staying?

Your idea you’ve bought and sorted everything he clearly has no interest

then you are trying to guilt trip using the kids and your safe as trump cards

I’m with him

people are only agreeing with you as you are the OP not particularly because your right

if it was the other way round and he was trying to force you to go camping he’d be slated on here

I love camping and had brilliant times camping with the kids.

But you do seem to have gone into this somewhat unilaterally.

He does sound disengaged: to have been there and sat around while you did all the packing up was out of order.

Is his job physical? I see a lot of men on campsites being hugely active and practical, hefting stuff about, constructing complicated tarp arrangements and rigging up cooking stuff (tripods etc). But I can imagine for some with physical jobs the sheer hard work of camping is not a holiday.

Big air tents are hugely bulky and heavy, and personally I have tents that I can manage solo.

If you spend all your DH’s holiday time away camping with the kids will he get any quality / holiday time with them? ATM I would be trying to encourage his family time in ways that he feels more comfortable with.

Because that is good for kids too.

But do keep taking them camping!

Almost like martyrdom

Now you are guilting him on the safety aspect of choices you have unilaterally made?
If you getceaten by a bear or squirrel, that's on him?

So why would camping equipment make sense then?

Your choices. Either he helps you do it, or you get a person in, or things fall to bitsxand he has to do it. As Ibsaid previously, you have made a rod for your own back her.
Now you seem to be cross about it

Because when one person tries to force another into something they find great fun, but the person being forced does not, it is shit.
You've invested all this money and made a rod for your own back - why aren't the kids helping you put the tent up, for example? You are trying to guilt him into enjoying something, or indeed participate gleefulky in, an activity that you (not sure about the kids) that you enjoy, but he doesn't
If he invested a couple of grand in carp fishing equipment and expected you to join him fishing by the side of a cold and windy lake, even if erected the equipment, would you be jumping on here saying 'what fun'? I doubt it
Yabu

I totally get this, OP. I think the focus n camping is a mistake because that really isn’t the issue. You seem to be reaching for a reason for this one thing to be a problem. But having a like or dislike of things is fine, not wanting to do a specific thing is okay even if your kids want to do them. Not being coerced into something you don’t want to do because your spouse spent a lot of money without getting your agreement id fine.

The issue is that he’s not doing anything he’s just totally coasting on your coat tails with everything.

You can’t change him. This is who he is. Is it good enough for you? Because it sounds pretty shit.

Sunk costs fallacy.

In your position, I'd be booting him out, not trying to convince him of the joys of an outdoor life.

You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. He's not going to change.

He doesn't value you or your family life with the kids.

My exH was like yours but in his case it was watching porn rather than work which stopped him participating in family life. I divorced I was in effect a single parent anyway

Who pays for the luxury long haul holidays?

A decision like buying a tent for you all to use should be a joint one. It reads like you talked about it, he gave no opinion whatsoever. Wasn't involved in the purchase, didn't get involved in any of the trips so far (other than to turn up.)

I feel like you pushed ahead with this regardless of his lack of enthusiasm and expected him to go along with it and are now frustrated he doesn't want to.

But I agree camping is great for kids and it's a shame he's the sort of dad who puts his needs/wants above his kids.

I'd still go and have great times with your kids. The payout is the fantastic memories and good relationship you get with your kids. If your dh doesn't want to be a part of that, that's on him I wouldn't waste your energy on him.

My DH and DS love to rock climb. That involves camping. They always invite me to go and "watch" (and camp), but I politely (or not) decline.

I camped as a child and teen. Many times the water pumped was rusty and outhouses. No showers, which as a teen girl was not my idea of life/living.

As I tell my DH and DS, these days, my idea of roughing it is a hotel without room service. (Half kidding)

I recently saw the one "rock" they climbed on a TV commercial for a state. Now I am really, really glad I didn't go. 😱😲😳

Did he agree to camping before you bought the tent? While I can appreciate your "won't someone please think of the children" approach, if he didn't agree he wanted to take camping vacations, I don't think it's fair to judge him for not wanting to now.

Ahhhh I'm in a similar situation here! Hubby says "hmmm thinking of getting an air tent". I didn't say no, I didn't really have an opinion as I didn't really think he'd just go for it. I probably said something like "are you?". Next thing I know an 8 bed air tent turned up. It was 60kg. We are a family of 5. It didn't fit in the car. We have a young baby. Not the most practical purchase right now. We can afford it though (like you, we also go on overseas holidays).

I'm not a brilliant camper, but can see the family aspect. To his credit, he popped it up in the garden, solo, to show how easy it is. Yes, I did offer to help!

Soooo what I'm saying here is... the issue isn't your camping trip. It's your relationship. You need to talk. You need to know he'll prioritise you over his work. Don't make the conversation anything to do with the tent or safety of a woman camping alone, that will just confuse him as it has many people on this thread. You need him to support you, have opinions and step up to help in family life. If he doesn't, you'll feel more and more animosity until it ruins your relationship.

He's too selfish and self-absorbed to make an effort for you and the children. He wants to keep finances separate, too? 😬.

You say you've been over his habit of putting family last before and nothing changed... I don't think I'd be satisfied with that. I might consider whether he's a worthy life partner, though I appreciate that it's more complicated when you have children at home.

Yep, camping not for me either. The only time I willingly did it was a) when I was teenager and b) because I was at a festival to watch artists/bands I loved.
I never went camping as a child, my parents weren't into it. We camped out in the garden once or twice and that was more than enough for me.

I dislike camping and would be totally pissed off if my dh tried to railroad me into going ..
Your dh went once , really didn’t like it and doesn’t want to go again.
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