To expect DH to come with us?

I personally wouldnt spend that amount of money of camping gear without my partner agreeing to it.

It sounds like you are trying to force him to do something that he never signed up for.

Invite a friend and kids and you will have a fantastic time. I do this yearly with my daughter and her friend (and her Mum comes along).

We have a big tent and it is relatively easy to put up but, maybe sell your one if you can't put it up and buy an easier one.

X

so Al finances are separate and his life is pretty separate never putting himself out for his family - marriage and children are about compromise and sometimes doing things you wouldn’t choose!

I've been camping overnight with friends twice, enjoyed myself. But I don't like camping and wouldn't go again and certainly not for 5 days.
You enjoy it with the kids, go without him.
My Dh hates hotel stays, so I always took the kids away without him.
He'd come on days out with us.

Loads of kids don’t like camping at all.

Fine for the OP to like camping. But it’s not fine for her to expect her DH to want to do it to. I wouldn’t go on a camping holiday, with or without kids, if you paid me.

I get all of the comments of people saying “camping isn’t for me - I’d never go”… I feel that I’m potentially not going to be the biggest lover of it - trust me I love nothing more than a 5 AI, but it's the DC who are desperate to go camping

When my young DC said they wanted to camp, I bought them a pop up tent for the garden. I did not spend £1.5k on kit and make all the adults go on trips they didn't want to.

Surely there's a compromise?

Although it sounds like a DH problem rather than an actual camping problem.

It sounds like a really miserable marriage with a selfish, mean, lazy man.

I hope you have copies of all paperwork for his business tucked away.

You don't sound happy.
You have settled for very little.

Is this really the future you want?

You built a tv unit on day of discharge after major surgery? Whenever is there a circumstance where building a tv unit is so important. Sounds like you might get a bee in your bonnet and insist on doing unnessary things. Your kids are likely to be happy camping in the garden.

He sounds lazy and uncommunicative.

That doesn't mean he should have to go camping. You don't get to decide that it's the right thing for him to choose to do.

What I can't understand is why the op would do something as silly as assemble a tv after major surgery. Get someone to do it of He can't/won't.

Is there about to be a story about finances? Is this the real reason you're trapped with him?

"Even after I came home having had major surgery, I built a tv unit the day of discharge - whilst he sat and watched…"

Martyr. And pass agg with it.

If he started on about you being unsafe camping when you know and feel that you're perfectly fine then no doubt he'd be patronising.

Also, why the fuck have you bought a tent that completely fills your boot? Where are you putting the rest of the stuff?

Op decided they were a camping family

This sums it up, I agree.

Op must have known before they even had kids that her dh is not a camping type.

My dh loves skiing but I will never go, ever, and he's always known this. This doesn't make me lazy or avoiding family time. I just won't ski.

The thing is though.

Op decided they were a camping family and decided they were going to go multiple times a year. Even though she knew he wasn’t keen.

He has been, he tried it. Doesn’t like it.

If this is the dynamic of the marriage, I am not surprised he doesn’t do much from the Ops point of view.

Op makes a decision he isn’t enthusiastic about and then decides because he isn’t doing what she wants, even though she knew he didn’t want to, she moans about him.

Dp wants to do the front garden this year. I think it can wait. But he has some time off and wants a project. So he can crack on and do it. If he started, but then was moaning about it at me for not also doing it I would tell him to piss off. I have done the odd bit over the weekend. But I didn’t want to do it. He started it so he can finish it. To start it, fully aware I wasn’t wanting to involved then to try and manipulate me into also doing it would be a dick move. And not a dynamic I would be happy living in.

This.

I used to be married to a man like this, I spent years trying to think of things that were fun for him that the kids would also enjoy, just to get him to spend time with them.

Even after I decide to leave him , I waited for another few years to try to get him to bond with his kids, but he wasn’t interested.

I ended up going on holiday alone with the kids, as even when we did exactly the type of holiday he wanted he wasn’t happy . He would hire a car and go off on his own all day or stay in the hotel room on his phone / laptop and just come out for dinner for a couple of hours.

After I left him, we were all much happier . Sadly he sees his kids for a couple of hours a few times a year. And of course he pays no child maintenance as he’s self employed.

I didn’t want it to end like this, but I couldn’t go on doing 99% of the effort to make our marriage and family life work .

I think you are both somewhat to blame here but I voted YANBU as he is more unreasonable 🤣.

A better idea would have maybe to have spent less on the tent/equipment unless you knew it was going to be a regular thing/everyone enjoyed it.

Neither my husband or a particularly enjoy camping although we don't hate it. Our 3 kids love it so we have been a few times and obviously just make the most of it even though it wouldn't be our first choice of activity. We bought a huge 8 man blackout and even that was only about £400 so sounds like you have went for an extremely expensive top of the range tent maybe meant for camping enthusiasts! Also maybe 4/5 nights is quite a lot if you all aren't keen.

That being said it's rubbish that he wouldn't just suck it up for the kids although seems on here there's a general theme of men who put themselves first! A man that watched me pitch a tent while doing little to help would really give me the ick.

I think YABU about the camping. My ex did this, it was one of the reasons I left. He was also SE and every spare moment he had, he’d take his DS camping. I hated it, but he’d always ask if I wanted to come, knowing I wouldn't. Then if I complained that we never did anything together I’d get “But I asked you to come camping”, knowing I’d never go.

Absolutely this. There is no way on earth I would ever camp, I'd rather gouge my own eyeballs out. Did it as a child, hated it.

More fool you for paying ££££ for a tent.

To be honest I'd be pretty annoyed if DH expected me to go camping, I bloody hate camping!

My opinion changed as I read through your posts.

He should definitely be pulling his weight at home - there’s definitely an issue there. He does need downtime after work but there’s a limit to that.

If this is your 3rd holiday in a year then I think it’s fine for him not to come. It’s not like he’s dodging all holiday's. I appreciate the view that he wants to do the flash ones and not the grind ones but you only get so much holiday a year (I know it will be flexible for him but it’s still time when he can’t earn). Yes he should be prepared to do things he doesn’t want to do for the DC but it can be a compromise between you as to who does what. You seem happier doing this. The problem is if he won’t do anything for the benefit of them which does sound like the case.

If you aren’t concerned for your safety then I don’t see why he should be if I’m honest. I’d find that patronising.

I’ve been in a similar situation to you and I made sure I got camping equipment that I could do on my own. So a smaller lighter tent. As the DC got older & could help I went for a larger tent. I know this advise is too late but I think you probably did know there was a risk he wouldn’t come and that should have been factored into your purchasing. I do agree that a bigger tent makes it easier when you are there but it is possible to camp with a smaller tent & leave stuff in the car.

I can with friends as they can help if a partner isn’t with you. Obviously this requires knowing people that will.

This. This is your real issue here.

Sorry I'm with the husband on this one. I hate camping and two nights is my absolute max and that is in hot countries when we are beach camping.
Camping in the UK...no thank you.

My husband wouldn’t be concerned about my safety, but he would come along because we’re a family and he’s part of it (plus also would for his own weird purposes need to do stuff like pack the car and the tent, because apparently I’m too slapdash 😂). I think you’re trying to explain that your husband is opting out of family life as much as he can, and I’d have a huge problem with that if I were you. You’re not being unreasonable at all as it’s not just camping, it’s everything and that can’t be easy.

Also it's fine for people, men or women, not to be into DIY. I have no interest in putting up a tent or TV cabinet. I am very willing to pay a handyman or whoever to do this for me, if my amazing FIL doesn't offer first.

No way would I accuse my dh of being a lazy slob or anything else because he's not into DIY either.

I don't see that op's dh is a lazy slob, or even a workaholic. He goes on two long haul holidays a year with the family. He evidently works hard enough to afford long haul holidays.

Not wanting to lift heavy tents during your precious time off doesn't make you lazy.

Air beam tents are great,yes they are large but so spacious.We took 4 grandchildren away many times.The children all pitched in and had fun they still talk about it.This is not your problem.The problem is your DH and that is what all this is about not the camping.Are you actually happy with being with him it doesn’t seem like it.That is your decision.Is this the life you want for your children and off course yourself? Good luck in the mean time go camping have fun maybe ask a friend and other children to come with you.

You are being ridiculous. You are not concerned for your safety but you are not happy because he is also not concerned for your safety. He doesn’t need to be concerned, you are going to camp sites not wild camping.

When I was married to my first H,we went camping small tent, even with DC in nappies. It was the only way we could afford a holiday.. but we got a quick pop up tent, not a monster like yours. Second DH would stick pins in his eyes before going under canvas.

All of this 👏

I couldn't stay with a selfish prick like this.