To just want my head and it all to stop

I’ve actually found it really hard to find someone with OCD similar to mine. Everyone assumes OCD is a fear of germs. It’s an obsessive compulsive disorder.

Hardly anyone understands how I can have OCD because my house isn’t spotless. All my obsessions are related to my child getting cancer from exposures, coal tar, plastic, paint, Xrays in pregnancy, car tyres at nursery, building work fumes, gorilla glue, brake cleaner, polystyrene everything is making me worried and I can’t distinguish a real worry from a OCD worry

Just wanted to chime in that your story is just like mine, I found your post because I’m currently obsessing about something that happened last year. My son may have got some creosote on his skin when he was 2, it was a wood stain and we were at a holiday home at a farm so I’ve jumped to it being creosote. I remember it was like black paint/oil and was hard to get off. I want to remember all the details, did I wash it all off, where was it, did he get more that I didn’t wash off, did any food fall on the wood that he ate? I can’t remember and that frustrates me the most. I look back on all my pictures again and again.

just reading what you’re saying, I do all these things, I want to contact the owner to find out for sure but part of me understands it’s not right but part of me keeps saying ‘what if’

I developed OCD in my pregnancy, I’m convinced my older son will get cancer because of me. Now my youngest is 6 months and all I obsess about is my oldest. Every few days I have a new exposure that I can’t shake. I waste days googling and asking my husband the same question again and again.

12 weeks CBT helped but didn’t shake the thoughts, partly as I found it difficult to find the time, I’m due to start psychotherapy next week.

reading the advice from other users has been really useful. I’d love to hear if anyone has improved or what helped them. I am reluctant to take ssri as I’m breastfeeding and worried that will open a new worry in the future.

OP your gp is wrong - please see another. It’s actually recommended you take anti depressants while doing cbt to make it easier to break unhelpful patterns. For ocd it’s even approved for use in small children for this reason. Although just remember when starting anti depressants the thoughts can for a brief time get worse before they get better so you have to be extra careful of self harm during this period.

we have a lot of ocd in my family unfortunately . We also have a lot of neurodiversity. Most common inattentive adhd where you have a busy mind and it thinks of many things at once.

ocd is a mental illness and you have to learn what are ocd thoughts and what are not. Once you recognise you are having an intrusive thought the best way to move forward is to identify the worst case scenario and accept it.you are worried your daughter has been poisoned by this chemical? You are just going to have to say to yourself there is zero you can do about what just happened and move on.

you need to learn to tell yourself everything is ok and self soothe - because your mind will only believe yourself it won’t believe others which is why you will be seeking repeated reassurance.

you can do this because you care about your daughter. Your love for your daughter is stronger than your intrusive thoughts - do you believe this? If you think about this I think you will agree and I hope you use this thought to stay strong because there is something much worse at stake here than your daughter touching this wood - it’s her modelling your anxious behaviour and possibly developing intrusive thought behaviour from you.

I wouldn't put it on FB.

The owner said it's safe and treated.

The way that the OP has described the smell as being all pervasive on the owner's hands and clothes makes me suspect her (the OP's) judgement particularly when considering her anxiety.

Report to the council if you feel the need but don't name and shame on FB as there is no proof at all. That's someone's business.

This is my childhood too. I actually painted it on fences for my dad on our farm. I still know the smell. My siblings and l are all in our 60s..hail and hearty.i would make a written complaint though as its not good to see kids coming out of a play area smelling of creosote.

Please seek additional help, for yourself and your child.

My mother's anxiety ruined my childhood. I am 44 now, and I haven't seen her in five years. We have a visit scheduled for this summer, and I am terrified. I'm scared to be around her, in case I do or say tlsomethjng that triggers her and starts a spiral.

Obviously, this is not the relationship you want with your daughter. If medication can help you, please pursue that. She's still so young and you still have so much time to create a mentally safer experience for her.

Have to agree with @Mongrelsrbeautiful that citalipram long term helped with my intrusive thoughts (because that's what this is). The first step is admitting this is an issue @stoppingtheroundabout. You have my unbound sympathy; intrusive thoughts and getting "stuck" like this is life ruining. Go and see your GP. Good luck! There's a different life out there. You can do this.

Just wanted to point out that creosote is only banned for sale to the general public - you can still buy it to use professionally. We use it to treat outbuildings and fences (farm). While long-term exposure is linked to an increased cancer risk, a brief encounter with it is not going to harm anyone.

I wouldn't give it a second thought. Or I might put it on local Facebook to highlight it. But anxiety? Called in sick, wtf? Please talk to your gp again, and seek out support in all the good books / counselling etc aswell. because this is so severe, it's out of hand.

OP all through my childhood our NDN used to creosote our shared fence every year.

My infant and junior schools were timber clad and they were also treated with it regularly.

It's a very familiar smell from my youth.

I am 66.

I've lived with horrendous heath anxiety, both related to my own health and my son's. The one thing that helped was thinking "Ok, if I had done something that meant my son was going to get seriously ill in 5 years' time, would I really want to spend those 5 years worrying like this?"
I know that sounds blasé, but it's the only thing that worked. As you know, reassurance and certainty-seeming absolutely doesn't and just makes it worse. I really feel for you.

I wouldn't be happy about that either OP. I still have nightmares about some dust we were exposed to at our dentist but realistically there's nothing I could do.

Please report it though. Health and Safety Executive, Trading Standards, Environmental Health etc. For the children's sake but also the employees.

I think you’re right to worry about it personally. I wouldn’t expect anything treated with creosote to be used in an indoor play area with kids. However… I would direct that worry into an email to the centre manager or just not send my DD there again. I wouldn’t fixate to the point it made me ill.

I feel for you op. Health anxiety is awful. Especially around your children as they are just so precious.
I wouldnt be worried about this but it’s easy for me to say that. I know however that sometimes we just need our anxious thoughts validated but then discounted. Your DD will be fine. Please continue with your therapy and medication if you can. Really helped me. Sending hugs xx

This!

Thank you so much. I’d feel stupid even writing about it as actually realising it’s ridiculous (I think I’m getting tired of worrying about it now, but it will be something else tomorrow!). I have been in psychotherapy and my therapist’s advice is actually to just observe these thoughts but not to feed them by e.g. googling or seeking reassurance. I’m getting better at it, but not tonight!

Anyway, you're far from alone. Thinking of you and hope that maybe this thread will give you a nudge to seek help. It’s worth it!

@stoppingtheroundabout please reread this.

You posting this is simply another way of satisfying your health anxiety and OCD. Trust me, I’ve been there. I suffer too. Posting for reassurance is just giving in to the health anxiety compulsions. You will get reassuring replies which will calm your worries temporarily, and then you will go right back to googling and posting 30 minutes later. Again, I’ve lost too many hours (probably days) of my life to this illness.

Stop googling, stop seeking reassurance. Look into medication and practice your CBT. Your daughter will be fine x

I feel for you. I am also up worrying about something. When I look at your reason to worry, I can objectively say that your reaction isn’t justified, much harder with my own! I do think you need help, for both you and your DC’s sake. There is so much that can be done to help, no point wasting life on obsessive worries. Same applies to me, by the way! xx