Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is deactivating the Ring doorbell so I can’t see what he’s doing?

190 replies

Clueless2000 · 31/07/2024 22:30

Posting for traffic.

Long story short - I think he has a drink problem. And I think he buys booze in secret.

I can sometimes see on our family tracker that he’s left the house when I’m out but when I later check the Ring on my phone, there is often no alert to show he’s gone out at that time - no videos in the history.

I think he’s somehow turning off alerts so I don’t get them and can’t see videos of him returning to the house with a carrier bag of drink.

I’m not very tech savvy - could he be doing that??

OP posts:
Bettedaviseyes111 · 31/07/2024 23:09

I think if he’s a functioning alcoholic and is hiding it then you are going to have difficulty finding evidence because he will be good at disguising it and getting rid of the bottles etc.

It all sounds super stressful and not good for your well-being to feel the need to track him and check the doorbell etc.

I’m not sure any of it will achieve the outcome you want. I would be upfront and say here’s what I think and see what his response is, better than tying yourself up in knots wondering.

TwistedSisters · 31/07/2024 23:03

Sorry you're going through this OP.

Yes , he can turn it on and off and remove videos. I don't think you can recover deleted videos. You should be able to tell if the app is currently on or off but I don't think you can the history of it being turned on/off if that makes sense.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 31/07/2024 23:00

He can turn it on and off and he can also edit the history and remove videos. I did this once when I was having a huge computer chair delivered for my DH birthday just in case he happened to look!

Original poster
Clueless2000 · 31/07/2024 22:57

For the love of god, why do some people on here always have to twist posts to make out the OP is some kind of nut job?

If you need the back story - I’ve never had any interest in the doorbell or knowing where or what he does at any given moment. But I had to confront him some months back about his drinking. He promised to cut back and do something about it. I don’t believe he has. Sometimes I come home after being out all day and I can tell he’s been drinking when as far as I’m aware, there’s been no booze in the house. So I think he’s going out and buying it when I’m not here and getting rid of the evidence before I’m home.

i actually think he’s drinking quite a hefty amount, daily. I also think he’s spending quite a lot of money on it - money we don’t have.

So, yes, I think I am justified in trying to find evidence to confront him with. Please stop making me out to be some kind of controlling psycho.

Thank you to those who’ve been helpful. He set the Ring up so does he have overall “control” of it or can I tell from my app when it’s been turned off and on?

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 31/07/2024 22:56

Why do you think he has a drink problem?

Doesn't the tracker give his location?

Where do you think he hides the empty bottles?

Greytulips · 31/07/2024 22:46

If you have to track him, there’s a problem! Deal with the real issue and not the door bell.

WigglyVonWaggly · 31/07/2024 22:46

Mine often misses things when the WiFi connection drops. It’s shite. Nobody is turning it off.

DoreenonTill8 · 31/07/2024 22:44

MounjaroUser · 31/07/2024 22:40

Come on, she's not doing this for the fun of it, is she?

Show quote history

Isn't that what anyone tracking their partner would say? 'I'm doing it for you because I'm worried..'

Tel12 · 31/07/2024 22:44

Our WiFi is poor and the doorbell doesn't always alert. Just saying.

MounjaroUser · 31/07/2024 22:40

PuttingDownRoots · 31/07/2024 22:35

I know you are worried about him...

But if a friend told you their partner was tracking their movements through multiple methods (phone tracking, ring doorbell etv)... would you find that worrying behaviour?

Come on, she's not doing this for the fun of it, is she?

LovelyBitOfSquirrrel · 31/07/2024 22:39

I turn mine off when I order Maccies in secret

DoreenonTill8 · 31/07/2024 22:37

You track him when he leaves the house and then investigate his movements ?!!

PuttingDownRoots · 31/07/2024 22:35

I know you are worried about him...

But if a friend told you their partner was tracking their movements through multiple methods (phone tracking, ring doorbell etv)... would you find that worrying behaviour?

HeadsAlwaysSpinnig · 31/07/2024 22:35

If the bell is connected to wifi, it will disable the camera/notifications if he is turning it off before he goes out and back on again when he gets back

RamonaRamirez · 31/07/2024 22:32

Yes he could

but the problem is not the ring door bell?

if a person wants to drink you cannot stop them

any idea you have of controlling his drinking is an illusion

speaking from experience…