Does he fancy me or not? Can't tell.

I would say he likes you. Perhaps ask him if he'd like to go out for a meal one evening? You literally have nothing to lose. If he says no, then say 'well perhaps we can catch each other for coffee again' and leave it at that. I suspect, if you suggest a meal out, he will jump at the chance!

i think he likes you too

In my experience a big clue is in how tactile he is - not in a creepy way.

Male friends who have been interested in more have always made an effort to include reasons to be physically close, like gently touching my arm to get my attention or even playful things like messing up my hair. Just non-threatening ways to be closer.

That's not a guarantee of course, some people are just naturally tactile, but my male friends who are only friends never do these sorts of things...and these are men I could happily spend hours in the company of without feeling all 'peopled out' like I do with some others so there is a genuine connection, but it's purely platonic.

Well, according to @TheWoodlanders , all men knew. It just took one of them to tell you.

Then again,@TheWoodlanders also points out that men are shallow.

So the kudos of being identified as a babe is a bit diminished by the credibility of the people doing the identifying.

Still. Nice to know anyway.

Turns out, I’m a babe! Who fucking knew!

In my experience if a bloke that's worth getting involved with is into you, you'll be in no doubt about it.

Is he definitely single?

Sounds friendly rather than flirty. Why not ask him how he sees you

I think it sounds friendly rather than flirty. Do you want it to be more? If so, ask him on a date.

So you reckon that every woman in a 'proper relationship' is, by definition, a babe?

This is good. I mean, it does rather imply that we can't know whether a woman is a babe until she gets into a 'proper relationship' - and that means it's men validatng babeness. That part's not good.

But on the other hand, we can now be sure that any woman who is in a 'proper relationship' is a babe, because it's that babeness that qualifies you for being in one.

Your insight just hugely expanded society's perception of who's a babe. Well done!

I'll go against the grain here. In my experience (and I accept it's just my experience), blokes don't tend to lose much time if they're certain about you - but, as I said, I appreciate it's not everyone's pov. I'd tend to interpret his behaviour as liking you as a friend and possibly keeping his options open in case of a dry spell.

My gran had a very good rule: a relationship is like a Christmas pudding - best ones take a month to cook, but leave them for more than three and what you built up in your head will never match what's under cover (yup, she was a bit of a character 🤭).

OP how's your self-esteem in general?

I do all of these things with a male friend, I don't think long time no see is flirty! I'm married , so is he and I don't fancy him at all. We regularly go for coffee and chat for ages, have similar interests and have a joke with each other. Maybe he does fancy you but there's nothing in your posts so far that evidences that.

From how you outline it, quite possibly. My strong counsel (I am a bit older than most mumsnetters), is that you ask him to go out with you for one night to see how things then progress. If film is your thing you could do that? The number of friends I have had who have lost out on potentially good relationships just because they were not willing to try and were not sure of what the other party thought is ridiculous. There is always a risk that you finish up slightly embarrassed, but that is better than just doing nothing?

But friendship is a ‘proper relationship’.

How did you meet and how long has this been going on? Sounds cute…maybe you could increase the flirty banter a little to see how he reacts…

Sounds cautiously flirty on his part, OP … what do you want from it and how long has this been going on for? You can wait til he makes a definite move, make a move yourself?

Since you already have coffee ‘dates’, I don’t think it would be presumptuous to invite him to something more ‘next level up’ with more of an intimate vibe to draw it out.

OP the main thing is, do you fancy him? He is clearly enjoying the friendship, but do you want it to go further?

I have a really close male friend, but there has never been anything in it apart from that. We can just be friends with men.

He definitely seems flirty op!

How old is he?

@TheWoodlanders That’s definitely a you problem. You sound uncomfortable and like you compare yourself to other women… that’s a bad vibe

Lol. What a load of shite. So all men are such specimens that they can keep a woman dangling because she’s not slim enough? Do me a favour!

I wasn’t thin when I met my husband. But apparently he’d fancied me for ages (and still does) Fancy that! Please don’t project these incorrect ideas onto others. It’s not fair.

I said YANBU because it sounds like he does fancy you, you need to edit your vote instructions!

Ask him and find out ! Haha. Think of a way to be playful with it, or if you like him take the plunge and just tell him.

Its definitely a long coffee date… catch up

I'm quietly optimistic for you OP but I couldn't vote because you've given yanbu and yanbu!