Help me annoy our neighbours

Love your style! OP if you don’t know where to start with this the Ceca is a good name to google

The collective We been advised we have to record his actions and give the footage to the police....

I can totally understand folk taking matters into their own hands.

Sod the trumpet and get yourself a tuba!

I once lived across the street from a house of about 12 students who would have regular parties on a week night until 4 or 5am. I therefore stood on their doorstep at 7am and hammered on their door until someone answered so that I could complain to them!! (As I had to go to work!!)
I also took great satisfaction once when I saw doting parents coming to pick them up at the end of term, in letting them know just how often this had been happening and how rude they’d been to me and other neighbours about the situation!! Said student was suitably quiet and didn’t say a lot - but his mum did!!

We have a poxy neighbour who has pretty much upset or abused most of the residents and some of the things he does when his wife isn't around are:

Throwing out screwed up circulars/drink cans from his car window as he drives past, Reverses into a dirt driveway (we are rural) and spins his tyres, then tracks the dirt/mud down the road. Dropped a bucket ? of cow dung over letterboxes, Sits in the car and really rev's the crap out of it to annoy our neighbours. Been abusive on social media using his wife's account but giving himself a non de plume. Throws fresh dog bones over our neighbours fence, we are unsure if they are poisoned or not, but neighbour throws them back and notified the police. Hedge trimming goes over the neighbours front fence at a hidden section etc.

Personally we all wish he would ignore the rest of us and go and get a job.

Report them using whatever is the current equivalent of an ASBO.

Better still - paint it on their financed RR, so word gets around 🤣🤣

Borrow a baby with colic.

my neighbours are vile, constant noise, fly tipping, horrible misogynist abuse when i asked them to keep the e noise down, broke into my yard and pinched my bin, have turned house into an unofficial HMO, This is just a snapshot of what I have experienced I have reported them to the council and the police. Began doing it two years ago and guess what...nothing has changed. Council have a file on the property and say I have legitimate concerns and they are "working on it". So my point is, there is nobody who will do anything in relation to noise and anti-social behaviour. Everyone on my street who live near them hate them too so at least I am not alone but I dream about them moving away

Are your houses attached?

If so, I would make a playlist of all the songs they play during their inconsiderate parties and blast them out at top volume for hours at them, starting as soon as their parties quieten down. So if their party ends at 4am and you're still awake, start your "party" right next to the joint wall, go sleep on the other side of the house and keep it going until 9am. They can hardly come and tell you to be quiet.

The other suggestion I've seen a few times is to play YouTube noise of dogs barking loudly on a loop whenever you go out. If they come to complain, just tell them you don't have a dog.

Sometimes OP I'm not in the bloody mood to acknowledge anybody outside and yeah it might be rude but who cares really? If I want to be a miserable cunt and not smile at people then so be it lol and this might be irrational but if someone waved or said hello every time I walked past that would piss me off and make me feel like they were forcing me to participate in a friendly hello against my will haha just take the hint and go about your day. I also don't give a shit who has bought a house or if they are renting and I give no shits about their cars either. I know a few people who get so wound up about people parking outside their house and it stresses them out (it's not allocated parking btw) I also give no shits if I have to park just a bit further away it's literally a non issue. You are getting annoyed for no real reason

Get a cockerel ! They are THE worst. Only thing is you’ll obviously have to take him when you move !!

What an absolutely disgusting thing to suggest! How old are you? My neighbours are absolutely disgusting but I wouldn't even dream of doing anything like that!

Decent speakers leave this on

It works a treat. it will drive them insane and they won't have a clue where its coming from.

My old neighbours used to have very loud late partys, i would set my alarm early and mow my lawn,a few other neighbours started mowing their lawns at the same time they were fed up.manners cost nothing noone is any better than any one else,agree report to council noise team about late noise,speak to local pcso police about blocking parking on pavements they are clamping down on this

Now this is how I like my petty.

Wagner's Ring Cycle is 26 hours long. Perfect.

I'd say NI is a pretty safe country, ironically. Parts of England scare me. The worst parts of NI are the large, religiously segregated housing estates which are still paramilitary fiefdoms, and this gives a distorted impression.

Gregorian chants or Morris Dancing music full blast at 5 am next to where they’re sleeping.

Hire a kletzmer band for a live garden performance. And then tell them they can practice in your garden at will.

I read sometime ago on MN that someone mixed milk with cat shit and poured it into the bonnet vents of a horrible neighbour’s van. This was the opposite of your situation OP as it was horrible neighbour moving out. So I guess they were driving off with a cat shit milk shake heating up on the engine and permeating through the air vents of the vehicle.

Silly String in the dead of night. Tackle the Range Rover.

Clatter pots and pans at 6pm. Wind chimes on every corner of the house.

Wait for it to rain and chuck grass seed on top of the RR. It will either a) grow or b) get eaten by shitting birds. Either way....win

The LokiDoki Guide to Neighbourly Relations 😈:

Is there a car parked anywhere near your front garden? Jet washer spray can make a right muddy mess so you should always watch out!

Vacuuming right into those upstairs corners and skirting boards is a job nobody wants to do, so best get it out of the way early in the morning.

Music with heavy bass lines travels extremely well so be careful you don’t upset people with that, especially if it’s an almost opposite genre to their own music preferences.

Everyone loves outdoor speakers and big bamboo wind chimes!

If you are going out for any length of time, it’s always advisable to leave something playing to deter Burglars. As an example, Warner’s Ring Cycle is quite “robust” and about 15 hours long. For days rather than hours, the complete Lord of The Rings is available as an audiobook on Audible for 1 credit and, played at the appropriate volume, should help quite nicely.

The wrong type of birdseed spreads weeds absolute everywhere as well as creating a scene reminiscent of The Birds if you have any starlings nearby. Definitely do not feed the birds in your (sparkly clean) front garden or near anybody’s car.

😁