Clare’s law disclosure

Back away slowly.. Do NOT tell him you know
Stay safe

I’m pretty sure she can, but she cannot tell anyone what was actually disclosed.

Hopefully he hasn’t got a key to your home?
if so, get locks changed ASAP

This is what I’d do if possible. It is not worth confronting a man with form for violence.

I don’t mean the Claire’s law, but whoever piqued OP’s initial curiosity. He might threaten them or something.

This is probably the route although he will possibly contact you to see how you're getting or or if you want to meet for a coffee. If you have the money, I'd offer to repay his portion of the holiday. You shouldn't have to but it might stop him getting angry about it either now or a few months down the line when he has too much to drink or something else in his life has gone pear shaped and coming looking for you. (I don't mean to worry you but some guys can be very hard to get rid of).

I also think feigning illness (or even chronic illness/can't cope with relationship too etc) is a safe way out of this.

I don't usually advocate lying but honestly I think your safety is more important here.

And to the posters who say threaten him with the police - when have the police ever done anything? This is terrible advice when dealing with a violent man imo. You're not gonna get 24 hour police protection...

Good plan to tell your boss at work. Then he can’t leave messages flowers show up etc.

Woman’s aid can help you with an exit plan.

First time my partner who I only later found out to be a serial DV perpetrator attacked me was on holiday as I’m pretty sure he knew I was so isolated.

Do not go on holiday and do not tell him what you know. I'm sure it was scary to hear but the worst thing to do is confront him. I would just say you've realised you're not in a place to be dating and you need to end the relationship. Allow him to reply once or twice and then block on everything. Tell someone you trust who can check in on you every now and then.
You may also want to consider breaking up in public or through phonecall/text.

I'd honestly try to let him down as gently as possible... You realised you fancy women? You're grieving over something/someone and not ready for a serious relationship? You've been diagnosed with an illness and not in the right place to date? He's amazing but it's just not the right time for you

Any excuse you can think of that won't rile him up. Then I'd get yourself somewhere safe - you want to end it with as minimal drama as possible.

Did the police say if he has a history of stalking/harassment of former partners? Do you have a male friend who would come and stay at yours for a few days as moral support? I would finish it over the phone and then block him. You don't have to say what you've found out but if you've questioned him already he'll probably have a fair idea of the reason. If you're at all concerned about his reaction, phone the police. Given his record, they will take it seriously.

I bc would either tell him in a public place like a cafe with a friend or family member nearby. Or over the phone. Don't tell him what you know just apologise and say it's not working for you anymore

No it isn't the same. Saying you're going to family court isn't a problem. Anyone can end up there.

Saying you've had a disclosure is disclosing that there was something to disclose.

I think perhaps there’s a difference between saying you have had a disclosure and detailing what you found out.

in the same way, you can say you are going to the family court, but you are not allowed to discuss the details of the proceedings.
Anyway, it looks like the OP would be best off discussing with police if she wanted to do that.

if he is really likely to be convinced by her saying it’s not you, it’s me then that’s probably a good way to go. She will have an idea if it’s likely to work. Like others have said, she could always try it and then escalate if necessary

good luck OP x

I would consider the fact that men like him are best appeased. Your priority is a safe exit, not the 'truth' or any big revelation.

I would say that the idea of a holiday together has made you realise that you are just not in the right headspace to be dating and you are sorry but you'd rather back out now than lead him on. This might give you an easy, non-dramatic or inflammatory 'out'.

IF that doesn't work - he starts to pressure you or make you feel uncomfortable, you can then do as advised about (inform him that his reluctance to accept your decision gracefully raised red flags, you ran a check and have logged your position with police and WA etc)..

But I'd definitely try for a low-key exit first.

In case anyone else is thinking of applying for a disclosure - you are required to keep this confidential, you sign a statement saying so, you can’t just ask for information on anyone (partner or ex partner who is still in your life in some way), and the police will refer you to a local domestic abuse service for advice - in some circs it is the local service or social services who give you the disclosure rather than the police.

also you are unlikely to get a Non molestation order just because he has a history of abusing someone else - but do discuss the situation with the da service or a solicitor

https://www.westyorkshire.police.uk/ClaresLaw/third-party-request

The after request section. OP would be breaking the law.
"If you receive a disclosure, it should be treated as confidential. It is only being given to you so that you can take steps to protect the potential victim. You must not share this information with anyone else unless you have spoken to the police, or the person who gave you the information, and they have agreed with you that it will be shared.The police may take action against you if the information is disclosed without their consent, which could include civil or criminal proceedings."

Prior to having the disclosure you agree that the information is not to be shared by you to anyone else.

Is that even possible?

Do NOT say it's CL disclosure.

Tell him your Granny had a fall then end it once you're away. Tell work so they can keep an eye out for him. Ask the victim support people for a safety alarm and keep your phone charged and on you.

Spend time away if you feel the need and alert police That he took the break up badly.

You should be fine but no harm in taking precautions. Not much has been invested yet.

My DH (police) advocates the ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ route whilst also phoning Women’s Aid/police to give them the heads up. He is of the opinion (but could be wrong, although has worked with dv for over 20 years) that quietly ending it is the best way to protect yourself. Confrontation is not his advice.

Are you sure the OP is not allowed to disclose that she has done a Claires law request?

I'd make sure your work, friends, family etc are very aware of the situation too, in case he tries to get to you through them, for example by "surprising you with lunch" at work or similar.

Sorry you are going through this OP, it sounds scary and I'm not surprised you are feeling angry x