To not know when to just go 'fuck it, sack off the holiday and go home'

That's simply your opinion. And seeing as you're not the person asking for advice then it's also totally irrelevant. It's not a long running conversation, the original post asks a question which I provided an answer to. If you don't think my comment is helpful then just scroll on past. No need for you to assume the thoughts and feelings of the OP.

But your suggestion (send him to grandparents if he didn't cop on) was something the OP had already adamantly ruled out @Milliemoo6.

So how could the OP have possibly found it useful? It's really not much of a leap to think she didn't.

You also seemed to completely ignore the fact that her DS is autistic, information that was included in the first post. Needs were mentioned. This surely should have indicated that there was at least a possibility that the situation was more complicated than the usual teen self absorption?

I wouldn't usually say the above to you, but it bugs me when people go all defensive and rude instead of simply saying, oops, sorry, I missed that.

We're on a UK holiday and DS14 is just vile. He had no complaints about the planned holiday when it was booked 18 months ago but has been saying recently he didn't want to go. We offered for him to stay with GPs, he said no. He's angry, rude, uncommunicative, storming ahead, tutting, sighing - generally has a face like thunder.

He's autistic but well travelled and we're pretty good at dealing with his needs - was all factored in.

We're away for 10 days with a week to go. I'm just thinking we should go home and be done. But it seems like such a waste. We're many hours from home.

When do you give up and go home? Is that just teaching them that behaving badly = getting what they want?

When do you stop travelling as teens are so vile? We have quite a few abroad trips planned over the next few years but I'm considering cancelling them all but I really love travelling (and we won't be able to leave DS at home for many years due to his needs so no holidays for anyone).

Sure, nobody's stopping you from jumping into a long running conversation and blurting out your thoughts without first taking the time to absorb what's already been said. But don't get offended if people then point out that your contribution isn't relevant or useful.

But that's not in the original post is it. I'm not obliged to read through 14 pages of comments before making my own.

No, OP said he doesn't want to go to his grandparents, but he also didn't want to go on the holiday either so not sure what your reasoning is there. And no, I don't think OP might have tried this approach already, nothing in the post suggests that and I didn't suggest it was easy. ASD is a blanket, it covers a huge range if behaviours and differences, and most children with ASD can still understand cause and effect. Also, having autism is not the same as being disabled, not everyone with autism considers themselves to have a disability.

He's ok to be left but only for a short period. He goes to a specialist school and his needs can be quite complex especially if he's been dysregulated so I'm wary of leaving him in not our own home.

You don't recall correctly, there's no mention of that in the original post. Plus, I didn't say he had to go on the train alone.

@Milliemoo6 - if I recall correctly, the OP said her child can’t even be left in the hotel room for more than an hour - yet you suggested putting him on a train on his own - how was that of any help to the OP?

Training, experience and being ND is not the same as parenting children with ND. I should know I have all 3. Training, experience and ND myself.

Oh I don't know, maybe they're ND themselves, or have training in that area, or decades of experience working in a relevant field.....

Why would you take advice from anybody who doesn’t have a ND child though?

The bit that said ignore anything anyone without an ASD child has said.....

Where was it condescending? I saw some good advice in there.

Not sure I said anything about threatening

It’s still classed as a disability.

Can we have a link for your declaration that -
“most children with ASD can still understand cause and effect.”

Aside from that when in complete disregulation or meltdown it doesn’t matter what you threaten they are in no place to calmly process anything.

Also for kids who have a PDA profile threatening is the last thing you should be doing.

Condescending much.....

No, OP said he doesn't want to go to his grandparents, but he also didn't want to go on the holiday either so not sure what your reasoning is there. And no, I don't think OP might have tried this approach already, nothing in the post suggests that and I didn't suggest it was easy. ASD is a blanket, it covers a huge range if behaviours and differences, and most children with ASD can still understand cause and effect. Also, having autism is not the same as being disabled, not everyone with autism considers themselves to have a disability.

Just seen this post

We have 2x ASD teens. Over the years, I have massively reduced my expectations in general and around ‘holidays’.

We are the same family in a different location. We are all spending more time together than is normal (or natural).
The term ‘holiday’ is not really applicable, it’s a change of environment, a change of pace - and 1 of your party doesn’t cope well with change.

We try to keep as much as possible ‘the same’ & always go at the pace of the slowest person. I find opportunities to be alone eg I get up early morning & workout/ sunbath/read/go shopping alone/have any adult conversation without interruption.

Any responses from parents without ND kids can be safely ignored bc they do not understand the relentlessness of the challenging behaviour and the patience, planning and constant accommodations required.

Behaviour wise, my DH and I both completed
the NVR course (non violence resistance) which taught us about deescalation techniques and reduced our conflict as a couple. We stopped punishing by taking away tech etc and instead looked at more proportionate and instant natural
consequences.

Ultimately I have completely stopped comparing my life including ‘holidays’ with anyone else. My suffering was stemming from
wanting things to be different instead of accepting where I was and noticing what I could be grateful for in that moment.

Sending love and strength x

OP has already said he won't be going to grandparents @Milliemoo6. And I suspect he may not be capable of 'sorting out his attitude ' so easily. If things were so easy to sort out then don't you think OP would have thought of this approach already?

Also, if he were a disabled adult, instead of a disabled teen, she might still have to let things 'slide'? Lots of autistic adults don't live independently and still need considerable support - even the 'high-functtioning' ones (for want of a better term).
Disability changes things and parenting is quite different.

As an aside, here's no way my child with asd (who's actually a few years older than OP's son and who doesn’t have any intellectual diisability in case you're wondering) is capable of getting a train by himself yet. Not a hope at the moment I'm afraid.