To not know when to just go 'fuck it, sack off the holiday and go home'

This sounds tough but holidays are often very difficult for autistic young people. My DS is autistic but in mainstream school. Our holidays are massively constrained by his needs.

Dont treat this as bad behaviour , treat it as him struggling to cope.

I would consider leaving him with GPs in future and taking him on day trips instead.

It sounds like miserable teenager (normal) mixed with SEN (also normal) mixed with being allowed to have his own way and to some degree spoiled (not prepared for the real world). You and your husband are the adults here and your (expensive?!) holiday is being ruined by a sullen sulky 14 year old and you're happily on here making excuses for him rather than making a plan with your husband for how to a) tackle this behaviour within the limits of your DS' sen and b) how you move forward and start preparing him for the real world and adulthood where he can't avoid things he doesn't want to do by sulking.

I think I'd probably curtail the holiday by a few days tbh. So maybe stay 7 days as opposed to 10

It's all very well posters saying they'd go mad / take his phone / punish etc but what good will that do? He's a teenager with the added complication of autism - you're better off trying to work with him

Everyone is miserable right now so something needs to happen! Can you sit down with him and talk to him about what he would like to do? Is it gaming? Reading? Swimming? Visiting somewhere? Cinema? Or does he just really want the comfort of home and his bedroom and familiarity?

I'd use the above as a starting point to getting to the bottom of what's bothering him - although I suspect it's mainly being a teenager! And it's the reason why I've not brought my youngest (now aged 17) away since he was 13. We do short weekend breaks whilst he stays with family and plenty of day trips as and when during the summer holidays etc as that's what he's happy doing - and I refuse to punish myself with a fortnight abroad with him!!

Oh, I know this feeling.

Going home isn't the answer but reclaiming your own holiday is.

Figure out what you WANT to do (just you) while you're there and go and do it. Let the others follow suit.

A wifi outage may help things...worth a try. Lie with impunity.

I really feel for you. I wonder if a post in the SN forum might be useful. I realise that advice from parents of NT children isn't really helping. I hope you catch a break.

We had the holiday from hell this year but with some moments that saved it. To be honest I think we expected too much of the kids- it was ‘right we’re doing x y and z and because we’d paid for it we were all guns blazing to get everyone out but they needed days where they chose what to do or did nothing.

Talk to him. Ask him what would make it a holiday for him (one of my dses was easily bribed with a takeaway and game of cards night!)

Why can't you leave him in his room

@kaleidoscoperuby that's really hard. Sanctions won't work if he doesn't understand etc.

What does your husband say?

If you go home, is there anything you can do to make your son realise how awful his behaviour was, or nothing will sink in?

I realise it isn't helpful but planning a holiday 18 months in advance with a teen is not particularly sensible, they change so much as they grow up. In your position I would probably write this holiday off, go home and if your employer will accept it go back to work and reclaim the relevant leave. It's better to be led by what the teen wants to do at the time as far as holidays go if you want to avoid aggro with teens. We once decided to take our teens to Oz for the six week summer holiday. They were absolutely incensed, how dare we plan something for the whole summer holiday.............

Forgot to mention both of mine are ND too. It's bloody hard work.

Mine were both like this at this age.

We solved it by going to all inclusives abroad and then they could have a bit more freedom and choose own meals/go to a different pool etc.

If he can't be left for more than an hour or so then you may have bigger issues.

He’s 14. Will he at some point be able to manage uni, or independent living.

I don’t have experience of this, so forgive me if my post is insensitive. It’s just that you sound tired and upset. It sounds like his needs trump everything.

I’m just wondering if there’s some point you get a break, with which I’d say save your dosh to splurge on relaxing holidays in a few years, just you and your DH.

Op can't leave him on his own though

All teenagers can be awful on family events, such as holidays. Let him flounce around and get on with enjoying the holiday.

I'm having exactly this same problem at the moment. What we did yesterday was leave the two of them at the holiday house. One still in bed, the other on the Xbox. DH and I had a fab day out by ourselves. When we got home the eldest wanted a take away and we said no sorry we've already eaten out. We made them a boring pasta for dinner. I told them all about the wonderful day we'd had. This morning we had two willing participants for a beach trip. Still fighting and moaning a lot of the time but we've had a pleasant day all the same. Give it a try. At the very least you can have a nice day yourselves and leave the moaning teens to their own devices. They'll soon feel like they're missing out.

Is there anything he actually wants to do? Or he just wants to stay in and game or whatever else?

can't he be bribed with nice food?

I'm finding UK holidays hard going now with my NT 13yr old. It's just boring for him doing thing with his parents and young sibling, away from his gaming and friends.

We try to do things that he enjoys - eating out and shopping. Mixed in with what we want to do. We also got a hot tub which he was quite happy with. But I can tell he's outgrowing UK breaks with us.

Is there anything he might enjoy doing? A nice meal or ice cream? Cinema? Ordering pizza? Could you plan the next couple of days together? Maybe an attraction that would spark his interest. We ended up visiting various football stadiums to keep him happy, in between activities for the rest of us.

My DD was like this at that age. She really wanted to do stuff but would then be overwhelmed and her fight or flight response was definitely more fight than flight! What helped for us was really thinking about activities and space. Don't plan lots of days out. Keep the food the same, don't eat out. We used to take pillow and duvet from home as it smelled right. Lots of downtime. We would also divide and conquer - one of us go out and the other stay home. Read a book or watch a film. Low demand, low sensory activities.

We did learn that giving up didn't actually help - as then she would be so guilty about ruining it for the rest of us that she would still spiral out of control!