Huw Edwards case - the impact on family

I'd probably also throw up

Completely out of character

No, completely in his character. Just you didn’t know. Well done to your wife, you should be proud of her and take inspiration from her.

And yes, my family has been in this situation, and we’re still waiting for a court date, and the perpetrator can burn in hell as far as I am concerned.

If my FIL did this, and then my DH not only stayed in touch with him, but expected me
to; I’d be cutting my DH off alongside his vile FIL.

You can’t be remorseful or fix this; you need shunned by society. Otherwise it continues.

I feel sorry for you op, it must be an awful thing to go through, and I feel sorry for Huw edwards family. I think it show though how completely selfish they both were.

You can choose to have contact with your father, but you can’t keep your children safe. From
your dw pov what is the point of maintaining a relationship with fil? It would fill me with disgust to be in the same room as him.

If my FIL or indeed my actual father was convicted of this kind of thing I would never have anything to do with them again.

I am absolutely on your wife's side.

@Copperoliverbear rates of imprisonment and lengths of sentences are far, far higher in the UK than most other Western countries. We are not in any way 'weak' in comparison to most other comparable countries. The only country which imprisons more people for longer is the US and that doesn't seem to be working out very well for them either.
There are many, many countries with lower rates of crime than us which have more lenient sentencing.

“Suppose this happened to your father in law, seemingly out of the blue. You have primary school children. How would you react, ”

He would never see me or my children again. Absolutely* *no contact.

I would also be re-living every time they were in his presence and wondering if anything had happened.

I feel incredibly sorry for his family, no family should have to deal with this - but it is his fault, his actions (or inactions) his arrogance, his selfishness (prioritising his ‘needs’ over the potential consequences and impact) and his disregard for his victims and the abuse his involvement perpetuates that has caused all the heartache, no one else.
These men may serve their time but they should carry the responsibility and accountability for their actions forever. That is as true for your situation as for Huw Edwards.
Furthermore, there isn’t a ‘paedo scale’ as some people seem to be suggesting - if you engage in looking at pictures of abuse of children you are a paedophile, regardless of whether there was ever a plan to act/take things further.

I'll leave you then with an open and hypothetical question. Suppose this happened to your father in law, seemingly out of the blue. You have primary school children. How would you react, and what would you expect your wife/husband to do? Really?

It didn't just happen to your FIL, it was caused by him. Saying it 'happened' makes it sound accidental. It wasn't, your FIL chose to do this.

I would go no contact and would expect my DP to do the same, and also with anyone who chose to apologise or stand by the paedophile.

You should have cut them off completely OP, you're choosing someone who's complicit in child sexual abuse over your own children and wife.

You said that there's no wrong or right answer, there is and it's the one that supports your wife and children and goes no contact with the child abuser and anyone that apologises for them.

Spare a thought for victims.

I write from bitter experience. Some years ago my dad was similarly prosecuted and pleaded guilty. Completely out of character and out of the blue. Outcome was some sort of supervision order. No custodial or suspended sentence.

Completely out of character? Maybe from the character he pretended to be, but his real character was obviously very different.

If this was my FIL, I would have nothing to do with him. I know my partner would wipe him out of our lives too. If I had a partner that wanted to see him, forgive him etc, I would end our relationship.

It wasn't out of character for your father, it's who he is.

Well done to your wife for refusing to talk to him.

"Suppose this happened to your father in law"

Nothing "happened" to your dad. He chose to view images of children being abused, thus creating demand for more children to be abused and abusing those children again by looking at the images. He chose to do that. He chose to do it in spite of being a father and grandfather himself, knowing it was illegal. He got caught and he chose to plead guilty, likely because of overwhelming evidence. So I would cut him off and thank god he was caught.

TBH, OP I am shocked your wife stayed with you after finding that out. I’d have ended the relationship there and then.

Mostly because if I was her I wouldn’ trust your father around my children or any friends of my children - particularly when they were young and vulnerable. And I wouldn’t be able to look at him without feeling sick.

I would divorce my husband if his father was a pedo.

It was reported yesterday that Davies & his wife have separated as his address on the court papers was a different one.
And yes, your wife is right not to sweep it under the carpet.

I'm sorry you've gone through this and I hope you have support. For me, my priority would be my children and I would cease contact.

I can guarantee the OP won't come back and answer any challenging questions

Spare a thought for the predator apologists.
Take that to MNHQ and have them fix your title.

Similar but not the same happened in my family, and I agree with your wife.

These are images of real children being raped and abused.

Your dad is still a paedophile, your forgiveness hasn't changed that and as evidence suggests, he is still having the same thoughts about vulnerable children. There is no cure.

How does that sit with you?

That's how the law works though. You hire a barrister to defend you.

@HeddaGarbled I am talking about pedos in general if they're proven to be guilty they do not deserve to live.
Tell the children in those videos and photos, children who have been abused tell them the death penalty is a tad excessive.
That's why this country is in the state we are in, because we are weak and someone says sorry and they get away with it,
Once a pedo always a pedo.

If my dad had pleaded guilty to making sexually abusive images of children then I would have been horrified and shaken to the core. The love and protection of my children would automatically take effect and he would have no contact with them. I would be so betrayed that I would also have to distance myself from him. This depraved abuse destroys families.

That's their job though