DM not acknowledging she did have a disabled DC

I have two autistic male colleagues in their 40s/50s and it's like watching myself as a teen at times.

Thank you for answering. Now, please use the loo. You don't want a UTI.

Many women feel they’ve learned to mask to the point where they question whether they’re actually autistic. Men usually go completely in the opposite direction as they get older. It’s down to the social expectations of women vs men.

I didn't accuse anyone if you are referring to me. I was saying unless you think autism can be cured then I am still autistic, but I am not disabled.

You may have met the criteria at the time of diagnosis but that may be a long time ago. 25+ years for me.

@LostTheMarble yeah we definitely know his situation best. And thanks, I've done plenty of reading up on it. At the moment he doesn't struggle at all, if he ever does we will deal with that when it happens.

Another poster accused me of wanting to cure autism. I simply corrected that.

Obviously you know your situation best. There is a long running thread in relationships about living with a partner with ND and how some people struggle more as they get older, may give you a different perspective or insight about how struggles increase.

@LostTheMarble your assumptions are incorrect. Maybe further in life he will struggle, I am talking about now and the past as I don't know what the future looks like. Absolutely no one has ever put him under pressure to be a certain way, he's got the love and support of everyone and knows he can talk to us about anything. During school, college, university there has always been SEN workers who have made themselves known to him should he need to speak to them about any worries.

Was this the same when you were a teenager at home ( in bed all day etc.) or did something change? Autism was much less recognised, including by mental health professionals.

I’m glad your son doesn’t need additional support. I am assuming he’s an adult who doesn’t live with you or with a partner? Works full time? Only has to take care of his own needs? There are absolutely adults with ASD who can manage life without facing burnout or MH issues at some point. Many do though, usually because family life and work becomes overwhelming, and what they’ve managed ‘fine’ with and had people in their lives convince them that they’re fine because they managed school and a job, they often can’t say they’ve not been coping for a long time because the expectation is to keep that mask going for as long as possible. Men with ASD often have a severe burnout by middle age and don’t recover from it/need high support/show physical health issues.

So, when DP did still go to work he'd leave c 8am & come home c 4pm.
I'd still be in bed, not dressed, not washed, not eaten, uncomfortable from needing the loo, stained the bed if I had my period, have marks on me from self harm/picking at myself.

I have been lurking on this thread for a while.

You come across as very self aware and articulate. I hope you don't mind me asking this, but as you are so self aware what was preventing you from using the toilet if you were so uncomfortable? I can't imagine not going if the facility was available. The relief is immense when you have been hanging on.

I absolutely didn't say it isn't a disability. It clearly is if it's affecting someone in that way. All I said was my son doesn't see himself as disabled and neither do I, because he doesn't require any level of input from anyone in his life for anything he does. And we are ok to feel that way, we don't need strangers on forums telling us we shouldn't feel that way. Everyone is affected in different ways, different levels of support needed, I get that. My son had an unrelated illness when he was younger which required a lot of support, he was disabled by it and was entitled to PIP (DLA), all of this was then cured and life changed for him to no longer require any of that. He needs absolutely nothing from anyone, physically or mentally.

Incorrect my dd has autism and is on the highest rate. She isn’t bed bound or in a wheelchair.

Autism is a disability but equally, individuals have the right to not identify with that, and to choose how to describe themselves. As long as they’re not speaking for others but they’re choosing how to view themselves and that’s perfectly fine.

How can someone with autism ‘not be disabled’ is the point, if you’ve been diagnosed with ASD then it is recognised that you have a condition that is disabling in some areas of life. Just because you can’t see it in the same way you can a physical disability, doesn’t mean it isn’t.

@LostTheMarble you said they are physically disabled, so how can they not be disabled?

Autism is a disability even if you’re currently at a stage where you don’t need full support though. For an autistic person to be ‘functioning’ to a socially acceptable standard takes much more effort mentally (and physically) than it does for an NT person. It’s the reason why so many girls are misdiagnosed when they’re ND, because they can mask so well that it seems they’re ok. I have a friend who is physically disabled, lives alone, works, university educated - does that mean they’re not actually disabled? Or because you can see their disability from aids they use it’s not the same?

You are being ridiculous. Just because some other people are functioning well, don't need support with anything, hold down jobs, great education, and so on and so on.....if these people don't consider themselves disabled that is ok. It's not shameful, there's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of with any disability. But some people DO NOT NEED SUPPORT and that is ok!!!!!

You’re misinformed. Firstly autism can mean a person has high needs their whole life, my middle son has the self care abilities of a toddler and that hasn’t changed in 5 years - he will very likely be entitled to High Rate pip at 16. As for DLA, the parameters for HRC is ridiculous, a child can have severe, lifelong needs but if they sleep through the night then they are not entitled to it at all. And I know at least two people who get the highest rate of PIP, they’re not bedridden or in a wheelchair.

@Carebearsonmybed You get the highest rate of care on PIP for autism? How? It's only awarded for people who are completely bed or wheelchair bound. Slightly different parameters for DLA's highest rate of care but those are the Parameters for PIP’s highest rate of care