Ex and his stepchildren

I predict a child who grows up knowing her selfish dad chose himself over her and goes NC.

Thanks

I really wish my mum had done what you did @CrispyDosa

Instead, I grew up in a dysfunctional blended family that never worked and which most of the kids couldn't get away fast enough from when they became adults.

Don't listen to the naysayers OP. More parents should advocate for their children in blended families. Society would be much better off with less damage to kids in the long term. It's just an uncomfortable truth for some adults.

I say all this as a step mum myself who has never ever encroached on important parent-child time.

I think you need to look at this through the child’s eyes.

If you re-read the OP’s update, you might realise that she is the one getting this relationship back on track by advocating for her daughter, helping her daughter set boundaries and mediating improvements in their relationship.

Until father and daughter have re-established a solid foundation, the step family need stay in background. DD will develop those relationships.

I’m glad dad was crying to see his daughter go. He needs a wake up call.

Quite the compliment coming from you tbh 😆

I predict a daughter that grows up and sees a mum who made her think her dad didn't love her by moving on and end up NC with her. I guess we are both psychic.

You're bonkers

CONGRATULATIONS OP! You have absolutely destroyed your child's emotional development! What a fabulous day for both of you. Great to think that - god forbid - something happens to you and she has to live with her dad that she's been trained to believe his behaviour in moving on was a betrayal.

You should be absolutely ashamed of yourself. You should love your daughter more than you hate your ex and she is NOT your emotional crutch.

No, she isn't. She got the time alone with her father, but wanted all of it.

Daughter wants to see her father, not his step children. She's entitled to see, or not see, whoever she wants.

I totally agree with you I'm a step mum to 3 children who are now adults, and I had a small child when I got together with their dad. When we go see them I always ask if my son (now teenager) can come as they might want alone time with their dad, as my son works weekends this is few and far between visits. I've suggested days out that don't include me to give them alone time, but they have always made sure that I and my son are included in all plans that they make.

It's very nice but I'm still very mindful that they might want to speak to their dad about stuff that is from the past and not in anyway shape or form my business.

I think in this situation your ex really should be making time for your daughter to have 1 on 1 time with her.

Give her some extra cuddles when you get her home, and maybe plan for some days out with her

He agreed to a plan for this holiday and has waited till she was there and powerless to go back on his word. Good for her contacting you.

After my parents divorce my brother and I never saw our dad again with his various randoms and their kids. I completely understand where your dd is coming from.

Normally on MN it is emphasised that parents with 'new' families should carve out time for their original children.

Presumably it's only one-to-one because your DD has no siblings. If she did then he'd see all together.

It's not at all unreasonable for her not to want to spend all the time with her steps who have her father with them ALL THE TIME

My daughter was distraught saying how she doesn’t see why she needs a relationship with them.

Jesus Christ.

Did you try explaining to your DD that she needs a relationship with them because, like it or not, they are her Dad's wife and her children and they are going to be in his life forever?

If she insists she only sees her Dad when they get 1 on 1 time then she's probably going to end up having absolutely no relationship with him.

I constantly reassured her that her dad loved her. I would like nothing more than for her to have a good relationship with him.

That isn't true though. You are doing exactly the same as your DD and encouraging her behaviour.

You did the right thing going to get her.

Ex seems to be digging his own grave here.

The father didn't see his child for 9 months because the child decided she didn't want to. And the mum facilitated this.

They're now on holiday together and actually spending time together and the OP is going to pick her up because DD has kicked off (again). So she probably won't see him another 9 months.

Also OPs comment:

I genuinely spoke about her potential step-siblings to her with excitement but she was never interested in them and they were always, always there.

Um yes, they will be. Because her Dad lives with them. It's tough but it's life and what happens when parents separate and move on.

But rather than OP talk to her DD, she's running off to go and pick her up so she spends even less time with him. Teaching DD that she gets to call all the shots.

Great stuff.

I feel like this whole situation is inductive of a badly handled break up where the ops daughter has been encouraged to see herself as separate to her dad's new family, rather than as part of it. If you can pinpoint the origins of this, which requires both parents to be willing to take a hard and honest look at how their behaviour might have played into this, then maybe the girls relationship with her father can be rectified.

you did the right thing collecting her . The bar is so low for men in terms of parenting it’s a joke, and he’s now reaping what he’s sown and feeling sorry for himself (hence the tears in his eyes). My own brother is currently trying to move his current woman into the home he shares with his kids 50% of the time, claiming it’s all happy families - family members have barely met her but have already witnessed several instances of her being incredibly unkind to his kids which he is actively pretending not to noticed! I can predict a similar outcome to yours in due course.

Sadly oP there is a variety of man for whom sex is a stronger pull than blood .

Generally speaking I think it’s important for dc to maintain their blood relationships and I applaud you for trying; but here I think she’s getting such a short, chewed end of the stick that I wonder about it …

Op doesn’t need to do that… ex is doing a fine job all of his own.

When people lie to you, it is absolutely fine to set boundaries. Can you not see that?

She could however not have picked her up and encouraged them to spend some time but no, she wants she gets but she’s not spoilt. OP is thrilled this is happening I’m sure because daddy is a big bad man and mummy’s the hero, been there done it, boring. OP is very clearly NOT interested in encouraging a relationship with dad only criticising she can’t stand he’s moved on and it drips out of her.. he watched it with his step daughter, so fucking what, grow up.

I won’t engage on this anymore. I have my view it won’t be changed. I tried to suggest mum and dad working together but mum isn’t at all interested. No hope

Go get her. I deffo would.

What nonsense.

Dad doesn’t fulfil his promises.

Hes barely seen his daughter in 9 months. And now he’s lied about their holiday together.

@CrispyDosa you are teaching your daughter that she doesn’t have to put up with poor behaviour towards her. Good for you.

I agree and I'm really surprised at some of the responses on here, It's not unreasonable for a child to expect to see a parent once in a while without step-siblings being there. I absolutely HATED going on days out with my stepsisters - it was never any sort of enjoyable or quality time with my Dad and I would never force that on my DD.

WTF how is this the OP’s fault?!!!! She can’t control either her ex or her DD, they are responsible for their relationship