DD is 8 and has Asperger's.
She's very very literal- i have to be careful what I say to her as she really struggles if I've said something is happening and then it doesn't. She's having therapy to work on this as sadly it's something that is going to happen in life.
She's had a hard year at school with some low-level bullying, and has no friends at school. She has about 4-5 outside of school who are my friends' kids who she sees occasionally, maybe every 2-3 months.
One in particular is M who she loves. We don't see M often as she's very busy and very popular - always out at parties or play dates.
M's mum is very strict and will insist on work being done before playing. And if the work isn't done, you don't go.
We arranged to meet M at the pool yesterday, and M's mum warned me that M had to do her work first. She texted at 12 to say our agreed 1.30 meet was unlikely. At 3 I messaged asking how long she'd be as DD was getting upset & going back & forth to the pool entrance every 5 mins looking for her. M's mum then called and said sorry, M hasn't done her work so they aren't coming.
DD was gutted and now thinks M doesn't like her as if she wanted to come, she'd have done the work.
For context M was also 2 hours late for DD's last 2 birthday parties. This year her mum got the time wrong apparently. Last year she wasn't allowed to leave until she'd tidied her bedroom.
I know my DD has to learn that sometimes people let you down. And sometimes people say they'll do something and then don't.
But AIBU to think this friendship is going to cause more pain than it's worth?
And also AIBU to think that it's fucking rude to let us wait 90 mins and then say you're not coming ?! I respect her right to punish her daughter as she sees fit but she's punishing mine too, who has done nothing wrong.