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AIBU?

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Is this child maintenance enough?

61 replies

Ilovepugs2017 · 31/07/2024 10:28

First of all, just wanted to say I realise I am lucky that my child’s dad pays some form of child maintenance as I know a lot of dads don’t.

I’m wondering whether what my ex gives me for our son is enough though.

We split up when my son was a year and a half old (he’s now 13) and we sorted an agreement between us rather than going through child maintenance service.

He works full time - not sure what he does but he recently told me he couldn’t have our son when arranged as he had been offered a cover shift for a shift manager at £250 for 10 hours work which he wasn’t going to turn down.

Anyway he gives me £30 a week maintenance for our son which has been the same since he was little - obviously as he’s gotten older things cost more and he needs more money for things. Clothing for example is a lot more expensive now (he’s in men’s sizes as very tall) than it used to be when he was a toddler.

I know with the cost of living it’s impacting everyone so I was wondering whether it would be unreasonable for me to ask him whether there is anyway he could increase it a bit? As what he is giving me is helping a bit but not anywhere near enough.

Just for reference - he has him one night a week for half of the year so basically 26 nights a year on average.

He is taking him on a camping trip in august with his family for a few nights (rare occasion) and has asked whether I’d be giving him any spending money. Am I right to think this is unreasonable? I don’t ask for spending money from him when we go on a camping holiday….

Any advice would be great, thanks for reading X

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 31/07/2024 11:18

How much is your rent, for example?

Gr33nsl33ves · 31/07/2024 11:18

Maybeeeee … but I’m not sure you’d get all that much over. I got my claim through and for £24k I only pay £230 a month and don’t have my child any nights or any other children so I wouldn’t expect more than £20 extra a week at a push and also you should definitely consider how it may affect the relationship between you. It’s cheaper not to even see your child and just pay the money which makes zero sense (pls note this isn’t my circumstances at all - he’s taken my child and currently going through court) than paying and having to pay the expenses of your child when they’re with you on top of the maintenance.

Pensions contributions are discounted too from earnings.

Maybe discuss it with him first and explain and mention you might make a claim. Child Maintenance have access to your earnings so they’ll be able to accurately assess but there’s a lot of other stuff to consider relationally and for not very much money if I’m being honest. If things have already broke down though I’d say go for it and see what comes back

TheShellBeach · 31/07/2024 11:17

He's paying a pittance.

There's nothing for you to feel guilty about, if you get it increased.

Ilovepugs2017 · 31/07/2024 11:16

CovertPiggery · 31/07/2024 11:14

Just saw you don't know his income for sure. Definitely go through the CMS, they will ask him for proof of his income for the calculation.

Yeah it’s just an estimate based on what he’s mentioned in conversation previously …

I just wonder how much of an impact it will have with the fact he’s got his girlfriends two children living with them

OP posts:
Ilovepugs2017 · 31/07/2024 11:15

CovertPiggery · 31/07/2024 11:13

I've just done a calculation based on £500per week, 1 night per week with the ex and him living with 2 other children, and it comes out at £51.60 per week.

You can do it here: https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

Personally, I would put the claim in through CMS. Your doing yourself and your child out of money.

Thank you. I will message him about it to see if he is happy to sort an arrangement between us but if not I’ll do a claim through CMS. Just hope if I go down that route that he doesn’t stop CM completely then as I wouldn’t be surprised if he did that…

OP posts:
CovertPiggery · 31/07/2024 11:14

Just saw you don't know his income for sure. Definitely go through the CMS, they will ask him for proof of his income for the calculation.

Ilovepugs2017 · 31/07/2024 11:14

familyissues12345 · 31/07/2024 11:07

Yes they would x

I’d have to check how much that would impact things aswell then….

OP posts:
CovertPiggery · 31/07/2024 11:13

I've just done a calculation based on £500per week, 1 night per week with the ex and him living with 2 other children, and it comes out at £51.60 per week.

You can do it here: https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

Personally, I would put the claim in through CMS. Your doing yourself and your child out of money.

Calculate your child maintenance

Use this calculator to work out an amount of child maintenance for your children.

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-child-maintenance

Ilovepugs2017 · 31/07/2024 11:12

Mrsttcno1 · 31/07/2024 10:59

What does CMS say you should get from him? You can just do a quick check online for a ball park figure if you know his income

This is the thing I’m not 100% sure what he earns as he’s never really said and changed jobs since we split up

OP posts:
Ilovepugs2017 · 31/07/2024 11:11

@DecafDodger no 😂 I struggled to get a bit of spending money off him for our son to go on a school trip to Paris

OP posts:
Ilovepugs2017 · 31/07/2024 11:10

@familyissues12345 He hasn’t said he’s gonna withdraw the £30 from the child maintenance for the week they are camping….. as yet.

I try to be as far as I can with him… he’s asked whether they can borrow our roof box to go which we’ve agreed to so I’ll always help if I can but I do feel like I’m being taken for a mug a bit.

He went on a school trip to Paris for 4 days back in May and me and DH had to pretty much cover the full cost of that. £500 + just for the trip itself plus £300 spending money and he reluctantly gave him £60 spending money after me asking him if he could give him something to go

OP posts:
Daleksatemyshed · 31/07/2024 11:09

Op he's asking for money because you've let him off too lightly for years and he doesn't appreciate it. Think what you could buy for £30 then and what it buys you now, everything is way more expensive. Ask him to put your money up, if he says No then go to CMS.

familyissues12345 · 31/07/2024 11:07

Ilovepugs2017 · 31/07/2024 11:06

He’s got one other son who is about 25 now so obviously doesn’t pay anything for him.

But he lives with his girlfriend and her 2 younger kids (16&7) so I think they would be taken into consideration by CMS?

Yes they would x

Ilovepugs2017 · 31/07/2024 11:06

He’s got one other son who is about 25 now so obviously doesn’t pay anything for him.

But he lives with his girlfriend and her 2 younger kids (16&7) so I think they would be taken into consideration by CMS?

OP posts:
familyissues12345 · 31/07/2024 11:04

No that's a flipping pittance - I got similar (actually £25), through CMS but my "delightful" ex always managed to work cash in hand etc Hmm.

I bet he's suggesting he won't give you CM for his camping week either?

maddiemookins16mum · 31/07/2024 11:04

£30 a week? Pathetic, having a few pets can cost that. How little he thinks of his child if he believes that is ok.

Itsajobones · 31/07/2024 11:00

Ilovepugs2017 · 31/07/2024 10:56

@Itsajobones it really is real unfortunately. As I said I don’t want to appear ungrateful by any means but £30 doesn’t stretch far these days…

Ungrateful????!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 oh my god.

PiggieWig · 31/07/2024 10:59

It’s based on his earnings, as others say. Do you think he’d be open to telling you what his earnings are? I think it’s 15% of take home in your situation (one child less than 52 nights a year) but the CMS calculator will give you a more accurate figure.

If you can discuss it amicably, you can just agree an amount based on that. If not you can open a claim.

Regardless, his wage WILL have increased since you agreed £30 a week, as will your DCs living costs. Therefore YANBU to ask for an increase.

Mrsttcno1 · 31/07/2024 10:59

What does CMS say you should get from him? You can just do a quick check online for a ball park figure if you know his income

PussInBin20 · 31/07/2024 10:58

You are mad - you’ve done yourself out of a lot more money by not going through CMS. And no increases in all that time? He must be laughing.

DecafDodger · 31/07/2024 10:57

He is taking him on a camping trip in august with his family for a few nights (rare occasion) and has asked whether I’d be giving him any spending money.

Does he provide spending money every time you take your son out?

Ilovepugs2017 · 31/07/2024 10:56

@Itsajobones it really is real unfortunately. As I said I don’t want to appear ungrateful by any means but £30 doesn’t stretch far these days…

OP posts:
grapestar · 31/07/2024 10:56

You need to find out how much he is earning (or go direct to cms) but I reckon from what he said about the shift he was covering he is on at least £20 an hour which puts him at a minimum of 36k a year - presuming he only has the one child he should be paying you around £360 a month.
He's a CF for asking if you are giving any spending money...if certainly be requesting more money and if he refuses go to the cms. You are not lucky to receive something from him, he should pay a hell of a lot more than he does.

Ilovepugs2017 · 31/07/2024 10:55

I would imagine the overtime shift he done recently at the last minute was double time (though this is me assuming).

On that basis is £25 an hour is double time is hourly rate would be £12.50 on average….

I know he works nights so I don’t know if he gets extra shift allowance for that

Say for example he was working 40 hours on 12.50 that’s £500 a week.

This is just based on what he’s said to me previously so I don’t know how accurate this figure might be …

I’m trying to keep things amicable between us for the sake of our son and have never gone down the CMS route previously incase it gets his back up but I’m just finding finances more and more of a struggle as he’s getting older. You know what teens are like - wanting to be out the majority of their time with friends etc so I need to make sure he’s got money for drinks food etc while he’s out and about X

OP posts:
thursdaymurderclub · 31/07/2024 10:54

thursdaymurderclub · 31/07/2024 10:46

i got £50 a month for 2 children..

oops i meant a week... infact it was £200 a month so less than £50 i guess

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