To ask how you quit alcohol? I always get too drunk.

This is me right now. Third social situation yesterday with a different set of people where I drank wine, didn’t know my limits, drank too much, have memory loss and today have massive hangxiety. Embarrassed myself by being an arse to my husband, just generally a massive dick! I am only 8.5 stone so only takes a drink or two for me to be drunk! The last time I drank was a work thing and I lost massive chunks of the night and didn’t know what I’d done and the time before that I cut my forehead.

I know I need to stop entirely as I just don’t know my limits and I don’t want this feeling again.

You can always just tell them you don't drink any more because it gives you a headache. After a few questions noone will think anything of it.

It worked for me OP, literally no one asked any questions at all. Although I did force my GP to listen to me explaining how I realised I was intolerant/allergic, she couldn't have been less interested but I wanted to tell someone the whole story.
I had planned to say, that even one drink made me violently sick and I passed out the last time I drank more than more then one glass. Which was true but no one did ask.
Really after a short time no one cared. But I have had to politely drink zero alcohol beers kind friends have bought. They aren't bad but usually I just drink water. Unless it's a special occasion and I am in an ice cream shop when it's a milkshake for me!

Yes, I know. Its the way your brain reacts. It's not uncommon. These are the people on the threads about "my partner is amazing, they only drink 3 times a year, bit when they do I don't see them until 6am" lovely people who lose the run of themselves entirely. If it helps try to think of it as an allergy. Like some people can't have gluten, peanuts or a pet cat. It's restricting, you'd love not to have it, but you do, so you need to avoid the cause.

None of the ‘tricks’ - alternating water, eating a big meal, sticking to spritzers etc - worked for me. I was bad at moderating, and so eventually I just stopped.

After a while, people geberally accept it when you say you don’t drink. And you stop caring what they think, anyway.

Alcohol no longer features in my life. It’s not something I miss or think about anymore, although it took a year or so of doing drink-associated firsts - holiday, wedding, party etc - before I could fully relax in my decision. My DH still drinks (although not to excess), we have wine in the fridge and I can honestly say I don’t ever feel like it now.

5 years later, I am SO glad I braved it. Love being clear headed, no hangovers or anxiety, and can be comfortable in my own skin and enjoy life’s great moments without getting pissed.

Its very normal that tolerance is low when you rarely drink. My trick is water. After every alcoholic drink i order a bottle of water before i have more alcohol. And i try to drink slow. So when the others finish their first drink i will usually still have half of mine left. That way i skip a round. Then i order water in round 3. So when the rest gets their 4th drink i will have my second 😄

The thing is that our society is drenched in alcohol. In your mid 30s you have been exposed to decades of pro alcohol propaganda.
You don't need to drink, it's is neuro toxin. We put into our bodies and it travels through every organ and messes with our brains and all our internal chemistry. It affects all of us differently. I feel lucky I became allergic to it about a decade ago.
I appreciate you may not feel as I do. I listened to a lot of podcasts and read a lot of quit lit to reach this point. Also if I drank I became very ill so it was easier for me.
I do recommend a podcast called over the influence, its hosted by a BBC radio journalist called Sharon Hartley, she is very down to earth and to my southern ears has a fabulous accent I actively enjoy listening to.
Good luck OP alcohol free life is awesome.

Read:
This Naked Mind
The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober
The Sober Diaries

Listen to:
One for the Road podcast

Follow:
Andy Ramage on Instagram and any podcast episodes with him. The one he did on Feel Good Live More was the catalyst for me stopping drinking alcohol.

Giving it up is the only answer. I got such bad headaches after only two drinks that just stopped a decade ago. (On the very odd occasion l drink just one drink) Maybe a couple of times a year.
There are fab non alcoholic cocktails, wines etc.
After a while you and all around you barely notice.
It is so nice to getup feeling fine after a big event or night out!

Or maybe just don't go to triggering events or where you know people you dislike will be there. If it's important for you to attend then learn new coping skills than relying on alcohol in those events, like going with a friend, arriving early and leaving early, letting the host know you won't be staying long or make your own get together where you get to control whether alcohol is served at all and who attends.

So what if they think you're unsociable? Let them think it, better than suffering with black outs and anxiety. It's their problem if they can't imagine a fun evening without alcohol. Do what is best for you.
if you drank just 6 times a year, it shouldn't make a dent in your social life. Usually if you drank every week, or every day it would have percussions on social life in that you might lose some friendships that are built around alcohol. There are many other activities to socialise, catch up with friends and bond over than alcohol.

It sounds like you drank to cope with social anxiety or there are people there that trigger you. I would find psychological help for this. Maybe CBT might help.

This is important. If the OP could adopt any of the reduction techniques suggested, she wouldn't have a problem. For her, alcohol sets off a powerful craving for more that is pretty much impossible to resist. She would start with good intentions but would quickly think 'what the hell..'. She could go out with limited funds but would find a way round it, accepting drinks from other people etc. I honestly believe the only way is none at all.

I just stopped. I recognised and accepted in the end that I was bad at moderating so I decided to not even try and stopped drinking at all.

Life is easier, healthier but a little more boring if I’m honest as DH and friends still drink.

I do this too. I set a limit of 2 doubles, have them first thing and then switch to non alcoholic for the rest of the night.

Having a rule really helps. It's hard the first few times but then it beds in as habit and the drunk devil on your shoulder slowly loses power.

I'll be honest, it's very hard for those of us who can just stop to truly understand people who struggle to do so. My suggestion which I completely admit may not work is to deliberately alternate alcohol with water or a soft drink, also avoid rounds as they encourage "keeping up".

As I said, for me I can just stop, decide I fancy just tonic or whatever, very hard to put myself in your shoes but my friend alternates to cut down

The only way with your type of relationship with alcohol is to cut it out completely. You have no off switch when you start, and I don't think there is a way round that, it's just how your brain responds. On the plus side, as a binge not habitual problem drinker, you are not physically dependent and you spend far more of your life without alcohol in it than with. So really you 'just' need to avoid it completely. For a while this might mean also avoiding trigger situations, parties, nights out etc. You should also tell everyone you can't drink anymore (make up a reasons such as medication if necessary). I'm sure that sounds like a depressing thought, but you will hopefully reach a point where spending three hours at a party sober rather than drunk is a small price to pay to avoid the misery, mishaps and damage drinking causes you. Good luck. There's so much more to life, I promise.

Get a card like hyperjar and put x amount in your wallet. You can have more drinks if they are non alcoholic so you get a longer night or less drinks if they are alcoholic because they're more expensive. I'd also be tempted to goto an aa or similar meeting/therapy because even though you don't drink much usually, it's clear that you don't have the control mechanisms to limit yourself when you do which is harmful to your longterm health. Only you can have the control to say 'enough' if you really want to.

Why bother finding your limits. Alcohol impacts everything negatively - mental, emotional, physical. You wouldn't try and moderate any other kind of drug or poison. If you can stop, do. 12 months here op. It's been hard but it is do-able.

Can you find your limits? I can't drink wine by the bottle like my friends so tend to stick with cider when socialising, lower % and the fizz reduces the qty I drink.
At home I will have wine but know that 2 glasses are my limit, any more and it takes me out of chilled into drunk.

I went cold turkey for about a year. I find it much easier now to just have one drink and stop.

Try not drinking for a month and see how that goes. It may be easier than drinking more water, or having one drink then switching to non alcoholic drinks. Good on you for recognising the problem. If people are surprised that you're not drinking, say you're driving, taking a break, trying to improve your health, or whatever works for the situation.