Stopping paying child maintenance at 18

O/p has already said she has her own room and is welcome to move in.

she just doesn’t want to as she doesn’t want to get a job.

Oh quit with the grown adult . Most of the 18 year olds I know and have known are dragging themselves to lectures hung over then out for beers most evenings - all funded apart from a few token efforts at part time jobs here and there.

Yes, they are transitioning to adulthood but they won’t all suddenly be the full ticket.

Yes, the dd needs to be applying for jobs and putting together a plan. But the fact she isn’t all the way there at 18 is far from unusual ( as I say a great many have all the larks and capers university got a few years) .

And it isn’t something to punish the mum for who has done all the heavy lifting of single parenting. The judgmental lemon faces on here …

twas my understanding here in the UK that child maintenance stopped when the child turned 18 OR ended full time education anyway.

so unless there is some court order in play you have not mentioned.. why is your DH still paying?

i bet i know the answer to this one... it'll be a hell no!

DSS started Uni when he was 18, so we redirected the maintenance payment, so it paid for his uni accommodation, rather than going to his mother. Which is the same principle.

Who feeds a grown adult? Let me think about that.🤔

But how do you MAKE that happen? If she doesn't get off her arse then what? He stops paying. So who does feed her? The RP. Again, the reality is that she'd not going to get kicked out so both parents should support her.

Don’t pay anything to her mum after she’s 18!

You can subsidise your DSD as much as you want (and make it conditional on applying for jobs etc) - that’s perfectly reasonable.

However, I agree she ought be subsidised too heavily if she genuinely just isn’t trying because she gets money handed to her. She could sign onto UC if she wants to once 18 so let her live on that for a while trying to make ends meet and she will soon learn the value of a job and career.

Obviously don’t allow her to struggle if she’s trying and being unlucky as jobs are hard to get and if you make it clear she’s always welcome at your home then you’re doing more than enough!

My brother has four kids and rather than going through CMS, he always paid maintenance direct to his ex-partner (he paid her a lot more than she would have received through CMS) as well as spending ad-hoc on the kids for extra things they needed/wanted. When his eldest son turned 18 and started an apprenticeship, my brother switched to paying his quarter of the maintenance money directly to him (until he finished his apprenticeship and started earning a full wage).

His ex kicked off on a grand scale and said that because the adult son was still living at home, she should still get the money. My brother told her that while he appreciated their son still lived with her, he was now an adult and therefore if she wanted his bills/food covered, she needed to ask him to pay his share to her himself out of his wages and the allowance he was now getting from my brother.

He did the same for his second and third children, and will do the same for his youngest when the time comes.

Dad isn’t saying he’ll pay nothing though. He’s happy to contribute to supporting his DD - but not for her to sit on her arse and do nothing.

My parents gave me extra money right through university, and they supported me when I moved back home aged 30 because of health issues that meant I was unable to work for a couple of years. There’s a difference between supporting a child who’s doing their best vs one who’s taking the piss and not even trying.

I wouldn't be paying.

I guess for fairness he could taper it off? Reduce by say 15% a month over the next 6-7 months so it's less of a cliff edge and give everyone fair warning.

If SD is making no effort to seek work I'd rather put it into a savings account than pay her directly.

I think he needs to sit down and tell them this is happening and offer reasonable support to help them transition in terms of helping her with CV, travel expenses etc but be clear in the terms.

The longer she leaves it the harder she will find it as funding opportunities for college, ages for training schemes etc will exclude her.

Or they go on benefits…

I agree. Children don’t stop being their parents responsibility 24 hours after their 18th birthday.

Yes but at 40 you’ve had rather longer to get yourself sorted.

Becoming an adult is a transitional process not a date on the calendar. I agree the girl ought to be applying for more jobs, but until she actually gets one, this self-supporting theory is just that: theory.

Unfortunately it is true, we pay £190 to Sky which is an absolute rip off but that includes absolutely everything basically and the quickest internet for WFH! It is ridiculous prices

Stop paying anything to the mother. She earns more than him, so she can finance her lifestyle, she just needs to manage it better.

If he still wants to contribute, pay a proportion of the money directly to DSD - not enough to incentivise her not to work, but enough to help her.

Put the rest of the money in a bank account for DSD to be used for helping her put a deposit down etc when she decides to move out.

It’s not her age that’s the line here though is it?

it’s that she’s an adult, capable of earning full time who is choosing not to because she prefers to sit and rely on her dad’s money.

no one’s throwing her out, and o/p has said she has the choice to live there if mum can’t continue supporting her.

the “arbitrary line” is their life circumstances. My child is going to uni- I will top up as necessary so she can afford to live. If she had got a job she would be paying me board and her own way. Her age is irrelevant.

18 is an arbitrary line. How is it that we are so understanding of kids developing at different rates until 18 and then suddenly, that's it, they're an adult, they have to act like a 35 year old. And if they can't? What? Chuck them out? Most of us know that isn't going to happen so as a pp said what happens in these scenarios is the RP gets stuck with it all.

lol I’ve had 40 birthdays and haven’t become any less expensive.

maybe I should be insisting my parents pay me cm 😂

it’s child maintenance. This is an adult not in education or training. She can support herself, even if it’s a supermarket job.

sit down with her, work out her monthly costs you are willing to help with. Divide by 2- mum pays half, you pay the other half to her.

OP I think you need to ask yourself how much of what you are being told is true.

Yes but if she isn’t generating income the mother still has to provide for her
No she doesn’t. The girl can get a job or claim benefits, or enter into education and get a student loan. Neither of her parents should be providing at this point beyond a top up.

He's not giving money for his Daughter. He is giving money to his ex wife.
And you're watching him do it

If the 18 year old is still living at home then surely he still needs to help out. Or better yet, perhaps she should move in with her father and the OP and the mother wouldn't have to pay anymore

Considering you're all amicable, I'd suggest giving them a timeline of when payments will end. He could also start tapering down the amount to reflect the belief that she should be working. Obviously explain all of this to her with specific dates and reasoning.

Please do keep up the dental payments if you can (pay directly if necessary) as young people don't always appreciate/prioritise having healthy teeth!

Being rubbish with money is not an excuse to be a useless parent. If she would truly 'lose her house' if he stopped enabling her bad spending habits, that is entirely on her.

I would stop paying. My kids know that when they stop being in full time education then they have to get a job and pay rent towards their living expenses. He is enabling her to not do anything.