Stopping paying child maintenance at 18

I don't think anyone on this thread has advocated cutting a child off. Just not financing a lifestyle of someone not prepared to work or study.

Just because you are (edited) crap with managing bills doesn't make you a lazy layabout or whatever mum has been called.

Mum works full time - that is a good example to set.

However, mum is crap at managing bills. Help in this area not derision on a parenting site would probably solve the situation.

All the adults in the 18 year olds life work - The Ex, The OP, The Mum. (although OP has not confirmed she works - I'm presuming)

These three people in the 18 year olds life need to support this young girl as a group - support her not punish her or give ultimatums - and not take pot shots at each other or make themselves out to be the wonderful parent compared to poor, useless, lazy mum. One Sky bill does not a monster make.

If the 18 year old is struggling then the fault is shared mutually between all 3 adults...this young lady did not lick it off the floor -

And, mum should not be the Fall Guy by default.

I was responding to the posters who suggested UC.

I agree she needs a job but until that is achieved it falls to the parents. I don’t see how some of these posters think it’s laudable to do otherwise.

I'm not sure it's JUST her fault but she's not exactly modelling any independence. And dad is teaching the daughter she can do fuck all and daddy will pay.

Well this thread is consistent,.

Always the mothers fault. 😐

What has Dad done to equip his 18 year old with the necessary life skills to make their own way in life?

Mmm I do wonder how the dh treats you op? He seems very preoccupied with keeping his ex wife happy. I know you say its amicable but I'm almost not sure if that's worse. It feels like he's still married to her essentially?

At 18 dsd is an adult. Time to stand on her own two feet with back up from your and her dad when it’s needed. The set up at the moment means she has the ideal model to just be like her mum —- someone else will provide.
And he should have cut off ex wife years ago. Who pays £185 to Sky because she doesn’t want to speak to them? Madness that your DH is indulging.

But don’t people have parenting skills that go beyond cutting off funding?

Yes quite. Let society shoulder the burden.

Hi OP,

Given your strong work ethic which comes across in your posts, I presume ye both work - and both contribute to the Money Pot.

Although, you may not be able to convince your husband to cut off total support, you could, however, argue that half the money to support Ex and DSD is funded from part of your wages too and you are going to stop the half that you have been paying towards them. IYKWIM.

It is up to your husband to decide if he wants to continue to pay his share/half for the time being.

It is a tricky situation. Your husband is probably slow to take drastic action in case he alienates his daughter. Which is understandable. I would also advise caution in making too many demands - blood is thicker than water and you do not want to appear the 'convenient' baddie in this situation.

I’m going to be shot but fuck it I’m used to it on here. I’d argue that if the parenting was done correctly preparing for being an adult, having a lazy layabout 18 year old wouldn’t be a problem. The hard yard parenting would be done in readiness for 18 years old - an adult. Of course support will be required but to fund a lazy layabout, no, something went wrong when teaching the kid right from wrong. In this case, mum is a fucking useless example of an adult and dad has enabled mum and daughter to be this way by thinking he was being kind.

Yes at least on UC she will get support to find work or an apprenticeship/training scheme.

plus while technically I get your point on it being “taxpayers” supporting, it will still be “her” money and the sooner she learns about budget, paying bills etc the better. She may also see that hang on? I get x a month, if I got a job and earned y I’d have z spare and can go out more/buy more make up/stuff.

sitting at home letting dad pay for things is no lesson.

As a poster said above, people are so keen to have children then so keen to offload them the day the calendar flips to their 18th birthday.

16th birthday (or rather when they leave school in June) if they decide to leave education without getting a job or apprentiship. Sometimes a lack of money is needed to give a YP a kick up the backside rather than a sense of entitlement that someone will always pay for eveything.

Ideally she would not claim universal credit. But if she does then at least she will get a work coach who will keep tabs on what jobs etc she is applying for. Often it takes an external person, young people are not very good at listening to their parents sometimes.

That’s exactly what I think.

It’s up to the parents to get her motivated and sorted with employment. That’s parenting- not cutting the cord, wiping their hands and steering her towards UC while patting themselves on the back for making her “independent.”

As a poster said above, people are so keen to have children then so keen to offload them the day the calendar flips to their 18th birthday.

And she wouldn’t be “paying her way” on UC in terms of the impact on society, just in terms of her immediate family.

Small wonder there is such a “borrowing and benefits” culture when this is seen as model parenting.

Like I said she can sign up for UC and start paying her way.

If she's on UC, she's not paying her way. Taxpayers are. Benefits are for people who are genuinely in need, not for people who are capable of working but can't be bothered.

If you ring up sky and say you're going to cancel they reduce it.

We do it every year.

Since he is having trouble, tell him he can decrease it over 5 months going down by 20% each month. So it stops at a set time and not just a jolt.

This way you can help her while doing it.
Get him to cancel sky for her whilst at her hoyse the first month. Saying it will cover the cost of the lost money.

This.

Then the daughter at least is in a position where she might get the idea if her mother then needs her to contribute for food / accomodation / transport.

I would stop paying in that case. She has options, she doesn't want to take them. I'd offer to support for like getting to interviews and stuff but his ex wife needs to pay her own sky bill.

Ofc neither of them can be arsed to do anything, they know he's going to bail them out.