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AIBU?

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Original poster

Controlling for being angry at DH using oven

832 replies

SharpOliveHam · 30/07/2024 13:32

Dh likes to eat healthily which means he never fries any food. Even the 1 cal spray is not acceptable. Fine.

But DH knows I’m very funny about the heat. Hate it and do very well to keep a cool house. I’m the person who goes around closing curtains, opening windows at the optimal time to keep things cool.

Just got off a work call to a sauna downstairs. DH has made himself a fry up (chicken sausages, egg, mushrooms, tomatoes). The kitchen is reading 26c - it was 22.5c when I looked at around 12 pm.

I told dh that this was really selfish behaviour. And now I’ve been called controlling.

AIBU?

OP posts:
RedOnyx · 30/07/2024 15:36

It's 34°C where I am (not UK), "real feel" is higher, and last night I had the oven on to cook part of tea. We have an open plan kitchen/dining room/living room so cooking anything actually does affect half the flat. My partner's sole reaction to me using the oven was to thank me for dinner!

thesoundofsummer · 30/07/2024 15:35

You've asked if you are being unreasonable and have been told multiple times you are, yet you won't accept it.
I've got two double coated spaniels, I'm heavily pregnant and I've just baked a cake. We are coping just fine. You need to get a grip.

Ginmonkeyagain · 30/07/2024 15:34

Ummm aren't ovens designed to keep heat in?

YABU. It's not that hot. The guys on the building site next door are happily still working away.

ElaineMBenes · 30/07/2024 15:34

Yes, you are being controlling.

and very odd about a normal summers day.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 30/07/2024 15:34

YABU and insane.

AbsolutelyBarking · 30/07/2024 15:34

It is good that you care about your dogs OP but you are going over the top in your worries.

It sounds as if you are feeling the heat more than other people and more than dogs. This is leading YOU to be selfish even as you mean to be caring.

(A comic -irritating- character in one of Jane Austen's novels always thinks that everyone around him feel things just as he does and he endlessly protects them from things they enjoy.)

Double-coated dogs can be comfortable in English summer heat - or even hotter. (One I know recently moved to Greece and is happily moving between heat and tiled floors during the hot days ... at around 40 degrees.)

You probably don't want to walk them or get them racing about or encourage them to sunbathe.. but they are built to survive in a world without frozen towels. They are not in danger.

You can allow your DP to be happy too. His wants and needs matter.
(Buy him a 'Ramoska' -a pansize version of an oven from Eastern Europe- to use instead of an oven on hot days.)

januaryjan · 30/07/2024 15:32

SharpOliveHam · 30/07/2024 13:41

I’m not telling him he can’t use it but I’m calling him out on being selfish. His meal has impacted the entire household.

Is this a wind up?😶

SammyScrounge · 30/07/2024 15:31

JL690 · 30/07/2024 15:24

A fry up in an oven?

😁oops!

chickenpopps · 30/07/2024 15:31

🤮 How much dog fur is sticking to your towels/freezer?

Your poor husband and dogs.

Double coats work both ways you know, they keep the dogs cool and, so long as they are properly brushed out, they will stay cooler than single coated dogs.

Get the back door open and let them choose where to be, mine much prefer lying on the flags in the shade to inside.

StJulian2023 · 30/07/2024 15:31

Bluebirdover · 30/07/2024 14:18

Why not?

What's wrong with those items, not fried? Maybe the chicken sausages are UP, gut the rest is fine?

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Yeah to be honest I couldn’t see past the chicken sausages 🤮

Begsthequestion · 30/07/2024 15:31

Interesting that your dogs have higher priority in the house than your own husband. He was just making something to eat.

aviatorsrus · 30/07/2024 15:28

Wishimaywishimight · 30/07/2024 14:32

Don't start introducing common sense to the thread 😄

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😂😂

Laszlomydarling · 30/07/2024 15:27

Very controlling and unreasonable. I'm the same as you, feel really unwell in hot weather. I hate the oven being on due to the heat and also the cost. But my Son often cooks himself something. I would never complain about it. It's part of sharing your home with other people.

Testina · 30/07/2024 15:27

Batshit. And not your husband.

tribalmango · 30/07/2024 15:26

LaughingElderberry · 30/07/2024 14:35

Amateur. If you were really trying you'd be doing a full roast dinner! Preferably with a hot dessert involving custard.

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All cooked while wearing a Dry-Robe.

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/07/2024 15:26

@SharpOliveHam

for goodness sake, OP - get a grip!

you’ll be fine.
the dogs will be fine.

maybe have a glass of wine or something tonight and chill out.

tinytemper66 · 30/07/2024 15:25

You are being a twat...

JL690 · 30/07/2024 15:24

A fry up in an oven?

UpUpUpU · 30/07/2024 15:24

It’s not the oven @SharpOliveHam it’s your negative energy and anger heating the house.

Your poor husband and dogs!

SammyScrounge · 30/07/2024 15:24

Well...your.husband has every right to use the oven. He does not need your permission.
He prefers the oven to the frying pan. He does not need your approval.
Did you ask him if a cool house suited him?

kαλοκαλοκαιρι · 30/07/2024 15:24

GrumpyPanda · 30/07/2024 13:51

You do realize a fan does absolutely nothing to lower temperatures?

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The fan will help with air circulation, dissipating the warmest air more quickly and bringing in cooler air from elsewhere. Good to stick one in the doorway or even open a window for a short time if it's hotter than the air temp outside.

OP I sympathise with you, I work in a restaurant kitchen and it was over 45 degrees in there at lunchtime today. My partner was making a fish finger sandwich when I got home in our tiny studio apartment 😂

Sometimes when I’m trying to manage an anxiety I realise I do so by trying hard to control everthing in my power - maybe a bit too much.
It sounds from your posts that your anxieties are around your own aversion to heat, your pets’ health in the heat, and the fact that a lot of the care responsibilities are falling to you, and that could you speak with your vet to allay some of the concerns about the dogs? I think it’s not unreasonable to ask your husband to be more supportive, but in a way which allows him
agency too. maybe he could cook breakfast earlier, for example?

Rovinonmars · 30/07/2024 15:22

This is entirely bonkers 😀

SallyWD · 30/07/2024 15:22

RB68 · 30/07/2024 15:15

CAlling it controlling is taking it too far. I would call him inconsiderate as he clearly gave no thought to the impact what he was doing would have. I think the manner in which he is asked to try and keep the dogs cool by minimising use of heating equipment makes a difference. Making it clearly about the dogs and the cost of having to use the vets if animals overheat and get ill and not to mention the cruelty is the issue at hand here.

But also yes maybe look at solutions rather than slinging insults.

Heating equipment? He used the bloody cooker to make himself some lunch.
Jesus - I'm not a dog person myself but I had no idea there are people who won't cook themselves a meal in case their dogs get too hot.

ShittyTitty · 30/07/2024 15:22

Sorry but you sound like an absolute nut job.

Unclench for fucks sake OP. Your poor husband 🫣

NewGreenDuck · 30/07/2024 15:22

I've got a range cooker. I was thinking about baking a cake. If I want to, I do it. He fancied a cooked meal not a ham sandwich, why can't he? It's his home too. Later I'm cooking fish and chips as I fancy that. No one would prevent me.
If this was the other way round with your husband telling you what to do, would you be OK with that?