To feel shocked about this comment from one woman about another.

The majority of rapes and sexual assaults are carried out by perpetrators that the survivor knows such as spouse, colleague, date.

Even in countries where women are covered head to foot or dress 'modestly' there are high levels of sexual assault. In Egypt for example, it's common for large groups of men to surround women and sexually assault them. Sexual harassment is common in conservative countries like India.

Sexual assault has nothing to do with what you look like, it's about power and control.

I'm shocked that you're shocked.

Very similar story in the Daily Fail today.. strikingly similar

I completely agree that women should be able to wear whatever they want. But the fact is there ARE vile predatory men around and personally I'd feel more vulnerable wearing skimpy clothes.

I'd also think my daughter's more vulnerable and would worry.

God, what an awful comment. Basically implying some women deserve to get raped and we should just expect it if we dress a certain way. I wonder if she feels the same way about school uniforms… no type of clothing can protect people from sexual violence

You only have to look at the comments on here to see the extent of internalised misogyny. Women finding long hair on boys a practical nightmare, where as it’s fine on girls. Women finding their husband’s lack of cooking skills amusing. Women ‘tempting’ married men away from their wife and children as if they are sirens. Women funding the childcare out of their own pay rather than jointly, or just referencing it to their own (‘I’d barely make any money, it’s pointless going to work’, rather than ‘my husband now earns £1000 less a month, would it make more sense for him to go part time). Daughter-in-laws being held responsible for arranging family get togethers and presents whilst their actual son is not accountable.

I'm not actually shocked you heard that because to be quite honest that was a view point commonly held by both women and men at one point.: that women were culpable by what they wore/ how they behaved if they were raped. It goes hand in hand with the examination of the rape victims sexual history and even her messages and emails etc.

BUT I had hope we had moved on from the the victim blaming culture at least among women themselves. I think it is still present in the legal system to an extent.

So it is very sad to hear women actually still expressing such an anachronistic and false view point. But not altogether surprising.

Unfortunately I'm not at all surprised and I've heard it all before. I remember when I was 22, I was sat on a bench in town waiting for my partner to walk down after his morning shift. A woman approached me (I'd say she was only in her 30s) and told me I am stretching my legs out for men to stare at me and I ought to be ashamed, and that once I get raped I will regret parading myself around like this.

I was wearing a bloody turtle neck jumper, but my skirt cut off above the knee (though not a mini skirt) which I guess must have been the shameful bit. But that shouldn't matter. I could have been "parading myself" in a thong and what she said would still be unacceptable.

It's all just internalised misogyny which sadly is still very common.

1988 age 30 l was out with a friend in town ( sat night very busy) in my new pink mini skirt with matching box jacket.. very hot night.. felt really good..stood at a bar waiting to get served.
A guy behind me at the busy bar put his hand under my skirt and tried pulling down my knickers..
These were the nights when police patrolled the towns and cities .. l went up to two police officers ( one male..one female) and the male said.. what do you expect dressed like that.
My friend said.. " well I'm wearing a mini skirt .. am l going to he the next one.. or other women wearing mini skirts?"
The female officer smirked and said.. " either go enjoy your night or go home"🤷‍♀️

There’s a story on the daily fail today where a young woman confronted an older lady because she made a comment about how she was dressed, something along the lines of no wonder they get raped. The comments on the article are shocking, completely in agreement with the older lady. Why do people never automatically bash the awful people who perpetrate these crimes, you should be able to go anywhere and wear anything you want without unwanted touching or attention. Saying that though, these things still happen in places like Afghanistan where women are covered head to toe - so what would these victim shamers give as the cause there I wonder!

This.

In similar situations, I have sometimes describes what I was wearing when I was raped. Yellow cotton trousers, runners, a striped T-shirt and a denim jacket. I was also ten years old.

Why is it assumed all women are some collective who share the one brain? Men are individuals so why can't women be?

I totally agree with this comment. It's magical thinking - if a woman gets raped it's not because men are idiotic monsters, it's because she made a bad choice. It gives the illusion of control and makes them think that if they do 'the right thing' then they won't be the target of men's random violence. I have a lot of sympathy for it - to me it seems a fairly normal reaction to a world where you can just be going about your business and some entitled fuckwit can bring such horror into your life, purely because he feels like it.

The whole conversation was appalling. Why the hell was woman one even commenting on another woman's rape? It's not casual gossip.

I absolutely would have said something, I always do and always have when I encounter casual misogyny, from men or women.

(Mostly men though, it's usually men).

Yeah, I don't know why we don't all just wear full coverage clothing like the women in Iran, and completely solve the issue of sexual assault and rape!

I've commented on two stories on the Daily Mail this morning and both comments have been removed. Neither of my comments were offensive or inappropriate.

One was about Jennifer Aniston, written by a male showbiz reporter who said she "looked very perky while braless". If you are going to be a showbiz reporter, report about showbiz, do not use it as an excuse to be a Peeping Tom. I asked him why he wasn't reporting on real showbiz stories and writing these embarrassing stories instead.

The other was written by a woman, about Paul McCartney and his "leggy wife Nancy". The photo showed them both wearing a pair of shorts each and Paul showing as much leg as Nancy but he wasn't described as "leggy". I asked why and said it was embarrassing.

These people make me absolutely fizz.

I have never seen any sort of evidence that shows a correlation between what a woman is wearing, and her chances of being raped.

This is the same old narrative that “poor men” are “unable to control themselves” .. which means women should be walking round covered from head to foot, to stop men from being tempted.

It’s utter rubbish … women in countries / cultures where they are routinely covered over for “modesty” (don’t even get me started on that misogynist tripe), still get raped.

This is about Male entitlement..clothes have nothing to do with it

Being a woman doesn’t automatically make you a good person. Some women are bloody awful. Look at the female morality police in Iran, dragging young girls off of the street and into prisons where they are sexually assaulted by the male officers. They know full well what will happen to those girls. They probably think they deserve it for being ‘immodest’.

Maybe it’s internalised misogyny, maybe it’s a sense of self-righteousness and no empathy. Maybe it’s jealousy. Maybe it’s about trying to claw back some modicum of power, at the expense of other women.

I do feel that the way men sexualise women has a knock on effect of women becoming competitive/judgemental/catty with other women over perceived looks/attractiveness to other men.

It's a form of self-preservation really, isn't it?
People like to find, what they think, is 'the reason' this awful event has happened to the affected woman - to reassure themselves that such an event could never happen to themselves, as they would never 'dress like that' / 'go out alone in the dark'.
It gives them comfort and puts their fears to bed.
They can't bring themselves to have empathy as it would force them to face their own fears of not being able to control events or other people's actions in life.

Yes lots of women have internalised misogyny.

I've voted YABU for not saying something. What was there to think about?

I hear the same sort of stuff and always say something. You missed the first time, you'll not the second.

Were these people you know or people who were just talking loudly near you?

Honestly she shouldn’t have even told you she’d been raped. That’s the awful part to me. She may not want the world to know.

There really is just one word to answer whether you are being unreasonable in being shocked. NO.

No discussion is necessary. It is shocking.