MIL ignored gift idea

It's just a communication and different families having different normals issue. You and your family are not objectively right.

My DHs family are like yours, they want an exact brief and just buy it, gift giving is functional. My family like looking around and finding things for people, things they might not have asked for or I might not have thought of getting. Both ways are fine.

So in future: your family asks - give specifics
His family asks: "DS is really into dinosaurs/football/crafts just now," so she can work with it, but the fun of buying gifts isn't removed for her.

Don't try and force your way on her, one person's efficient is another's joyless.

One toy and a book sounds completely appropriate, particularly as you’ve stayed be has multiple other gifts.
A book 3 years above his reading level sounds fine too, better to buy ahead than behind and you can read it together.

My in laws are like this, although they tend to send presents weeks (sometimes months) late, and sometimes not at all. I give themed suggestions rather than specifics, like “DD loves fairies, so maybe books/stationery/games about fairies” and then just leave them to it. Could you try that?

I also think it’s a good idea to train your kids not to expect anything from in laws if they’re unpredictable - my kids are never bothered when things arrive late or not at all, because I’ve always done a breezy “ah you know what gran and grandad are like, never mind” (whilst privately imagining throwing them off a pier).

If you want your children to have specific toys that they have requested then you need to buy them.

It saves disappointment all round. You know the gifts are correct, your child will be happy and all other gifts are just extra bonuses.

I think as a society we have gone off the deep end when it comes to buying toys for kids. Research shows fewer toys is actually better for child development.

Getting gifts from parents makes sense but not every single family member needs to buy something.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/singletons/201712/study-underscores-why-fewer-toys-is-the-better-option

I wonder if people would still think MIL was in the right if the gift choice had been reversed- i.e. the DC asked for a book and MiL bought a toy instead.

Some of these responses seem to be more about gift snobbery than the actual present itself, so a book is an amazing gift that every DC should be delighted to receive rather than "plastic tat" aka a toy that the DC actually wants.

DF did a bit of this when DS was young. Bought him a copy of Treasure Island when he as about 5 and repeatedly kept asking if it had been read to him/if he had read it NB DGF had zero intention of reading it to him himself. I did suggest some more accessible books if his aim was to get DS to read more, but no the only acceptable one was what DGF had read when he was young. Gifts like this are more about the giver than the receiver.

How old is the child and what was the book?

@Memo88

My side of the family are very generous with gifts, and I love the whole process of spoiling people for their birthday.

Your MIL probably thinks DS has enough toys for now and will benefit more in the longer term from a proper story book and being read to and then learning to read by himself.

Not sure what’s so awful about that?

Just because you’re used to your family doing things in a particular way doesn’t mean that your DH’s family must be wrong. There are plenty of families that don’t view the ‘buying lots of stuff’ as a demonstration of love, because obviously, it isn’t.

Its not ungrateful at all. OP would have been perfectly happy if their MIL had not asked for a gift suggestion. But the MIL did ask for a suggestion, and let the OP think that they were buying it, then bought something that won't be used for another three years. At the same time, OP would have bought the thing herself, but bought something else because MIL had implied she'd get it. So both of them have wasted time and money!
If MIL didn't want to buy plastic toys, she should have just said so at the outset.
We don't do gift lists but it really annoys me when people give DC something that they wouldn't use, because it is really wasteful. TBF, usually my family run their ideas past me first because they don't want to waste their money either.

This.

We were never asked to make lists growing up. We got what people chose to provide for us. It just seems so grabby to train kids that they are hard done by if their explicit lists and expectations are not fulfilled.

I tend to give vague 'in the general ballpark of things the kids like' as suggestions unless I know it is someone who wants to and will buy the specific thing requested and has given a specific budget etc. sort of 'oh, they're really into Octonauts and quite like jigsaws at the moment.' type thing.

Never give your best suggestions to relatives unless you know they are reliable. Learnt that the hard way.

Mrandma and aunt do this. They buy the cheapest thing or something i would never use (like earring when i dont have pierced ears). I used amazon wishlist and gave it to everyone. When someone buys it then it disappears from the list. This worked for my grandma, not my aunt. I either regifted or gave to the charity shop.

I know my mum used the tactic of buying the presents for them. Here are your presents to give. You owe me this much money.

Is it the case that the present you suggested was " too expensive". Some people are just cheapskates. My aunt would always pick the cheapest present and complain if its over £10 and she has loads of money

how awful. I hope your DS's birthday isn't totally ruined by not getting another piece of plastic!

Can’t you just buy it yourself. Why be so petty ?

Thank you! I was looking for a comment like this. I find it crazy that people are so indignant over their kids not getting exactly the presents they want.

You're raising spoiled brats, surely, or at the very least sending the wrong message about consumerism. The perfect present will not make you happy long term.

Kids have to learn that they can't always get everything they want and it won't kill them to have one not-so-great present in a pile.

Think a few people need to go and look up the definition of a suggestion.

Next birthday get her to give him money or money, she probably secretly thinks he gets too much stuff that's why she got the book.

😂 OMG yes! The selfish woman wants to read to him! How dare she.
So many people post on here about DC having piles of plastic tat.
Another ‘I can’t stand my MiL’ thread.

Yes a birthday is exactly the occasion for a young DC to realise that granny feels it's more important to make a point - and not even a good one at that by not actually buying a book for the right age range that they might enjoy - than buy the present they actually have asked for and want.

So the grandparents who choose their own present get it wrong, and the grandparents who ask for ideas are adding to the mental load.

As usual, can't win. Especially if in-law GPs.

So you wouldn't ask for ideas then. Or if you did surely you'd ask for ideas for books they might like.

What you wouldn't do is ask for a present suggestion of something they wanted, give no indication that you wouldn't be buying that gift because it's more plastic and then purchase a book because you felt that was a more worthy gift.

I'm team mil, I wouldn't want to buy more plastic tat either.

A book is something he can keep and enjoy, even if it's a bit old for him right now.

This would annoy me. Mil is not thinking of your child but of what she wants to get him, what she wants to do (read to hi
). she is a selfish woman.

Goodness me, it was a suggestion, not an order. Really not a big enough thing to get worked up about.