MIL ignored gift idea

GPs not GOs

Child not good!

Damn autocorrect

@AliceMcK it's the GOs choice not to buy one, based on what they feel about the amount of plastic that the good has.

Which they did.

Don't grandparents have a look in occasionally? Not that my DM ever said anything about toys - but we were very selective in what we bought. No idea how old OP's DS is either.

I thought we all knew plastic was bad for the environment, anyway. Perhaps MiL thinks that?

It’s not any one but the parents place to decide if their child has too many plastic toys or not.

I've had people do this and its so annoying, I now just ask them to get something that I'm not too bothered whether they get or not, or now that DD is a bit older I just say get a gift card so that she can choose something herself or pool gift cards together to get a more expensive item. I get that some people think its cheeky stipulating what to get but its really frustrating when someone specifically asks what to get, I tell them and then a few days before birthday/Christmas they say its out of stock etc. when they could have bought it 4 weeks ago when they asked.

It’s still ungrateful

My late DM bought all sorts of books and toys for my DCs. Appropriate or not - and usually appropriate - they were gratefully accepted as the gifts of love. Perhaps OP's DS does have too many plastic toys?

Depends what it is. One should read to children books which they cannot yet read themselves, I think, so I read The Dark is Rising sequence to my children when they were 5 and 8 - both enjoyed it. I don't know what the book is, of course, and if I thought that as a gift it was unsuitable currently, I'd put it on the DC's bookshelf for next year.
We don't get to choose the presents other people give our DCs.

Agree.

Grandma could have bought the book without asking for suggestions if she was so keen on grandson having it or asked if there is anything that she shouldn’t get or stay away from that her grandchild wouldn’t like. Tbh, if she is close to her grandchild, she should already have an idea of his likes and dislikes.

To find out if it's a power play or not, next time MIL asks for suggestions say "Ah yes you bought him a book for his birthday, if you're wanting to get him a book he is really into x at the minute and hasn't seen his new book yet, or would love anything to do with dinosaurs." If she buys something along those lines, well then you're sorted and give her book suggestions- that's what we did with my DM until DS grew out of the annual Guinness book of records, if she still gives you a book or something else age inappropriate, then I'd tell her to buy what she wants going forward.

@soupfiend @bakewellbride
Yes people read to their kids. But people read age and stage appropate books.
I'm assuming the child is 6 or 7 to be young enough to really want plastic toys.

Books for 9 / 10 year olds just aren't appropriate to read to such young kids. And they tend to lack pictures.

If plastic toys aren't Granny worthy I'm guessing Captain Underpants and Wimpy Kid aren't either. I'd bet she's bought some sort of classic, Oliver Twist, Railway Children

@Memo88 Please come back and tell me if I'm somewhere near right!

I book thats 3 years over his reading age (excluding dyslexia) is also likely to have a story line thats not age appropriate, be too long, not hold their attention either

Be declared "boring" stuffed back on the shelf never to be read ever.

It’s not ungrateful. They asked what the child would like- the parents told them.

If the parents had known this would be ignored, they would’ve bought the thing the child really wanted… and been grateful for whatever the grandparents had brought.

Presents are a privilege, not a right. Just say thank you and move on.

Who said no one reads to their child anymore, op certainly didn’t, she’s upset her mil asked what DS wanted and got him something different.

I hate my DDs being given books, they don’t need any, we have 100s of books in the attic for them to grow into and 100s more on various bookshelves throughout the house. When they get new books it’s what they want to read and they will pick them themselves.

The three times I gifted children books was 1) when the birthday girls mum gave me a list of wanted books her dd had been trying to find and 2) 2 personalised autographed books by the author on a new book that just went on sale so knew the children had not read them yet. I also checked with the parents that the children would read the books and appreciate the personalisation.

Yabu and ungrateful, I can't imagine having such a materialistic outlook on things. It's my son's 6th birthday next week and when people have asked I've given suggestions but have always added that they don't have to give anything/ any gift will be much appreciated.

My toddler enjoys some of my son's phonics books and I'm pretty sure they are way above her level! It sounds like you're just finding a way to be pissed off about the present because it's not from the list. A book can be enjoyed at any age if you read it to them or look at the pictures.

My MIL buys stuff that I would not personally choose for my kids but I always try to be positive and appreciative. This whole outlook of having a list and no one should dare to deviate from it is just a bit sad imo and alien to me. I hope my kids don't grow up thinking like this.

Honestly some of these replies

Does no one read to their children anymore?

I had lots of 'advanced' books when I was a child. I grew into a fantastic and voracious reader because of it. My parents read to me all the time.

Mental load!!

please!

Its what you have given yourself to stress over, perhaps wonder if your child really needs all this stuff and giving ideas and suggestions. Next time, anyone can just get him what they feel is appropriate and if he doesnt like them then they can go to charity. A child still benefits.

It just seems odd to me to ask for ideas, others go to efforts to give you ideas then you totally ignore entirely and get something far more expensive than the items on the list which are frankly not wanted. Surely this is lose / lose on all fronts! Except the shops!

And yes Dh and I are working our way through £200 of book tokens as we gave the teens the money - so we are the losers here!

Why should someone be grateful for something they don't want? This isn’t grandma just getting it wrong, it's about making a decision her GS has too much plastic and choosing something worthy. What could be more worthy than a book? Well, a book that the child can enjoy because it's age appropriate. Buying books that aren't, is a great way to put kids off reading.

My mother in law always did this. I just stopped suggesting things the DC's had specifically asked for , it was easier. Her expectation was that I suggest things that she wanted to buy, I'm not a mind reader

You are lucky she asked. She did not have to and she did not have to buy what you suggested. A book 3 years older than his reading age is for you to read to him. An excellent idea.

Hi op,

I am, for once, team MIL. She can buy whatever she wants so except if in an previous years and without fail she did what you asked…I would really rethink your approach. To be told kinda last minute isn’t great but she could have not at all…

Did she say she was indeed going to buy that toy or did she just thank you for sharing an idea?

now for remedies : is there any of your gifts that you can return and have reimbursement to provide the cherished other one?

I hope it all works out. Birthdays are a thing at ours too so I understand the upset of not having it « perfect » for your kiddo.

🌺🌺

This is what I have done in the past too. Birthday money is great, for getting those presents they really wanted.

Well, I’m a granny, and I get whatever is asked for (including plastic tat) and often something else as well. I just want my DGC to be happy, and would much rather have suggestions than get something unwanted or age inappropriate. It’s much easier if you see the children near their birthday, then you can ask them, but if my DIL made a suggestion, I would buy EXACTLY what was requested.