MIL ignored gift idea

Whenever I give suggestions for someone's birthday, I also add "let me know asap if you're getting any of these or not, as I'll get anything you don't".

You could have just done this and then you would have known earlier.

Yours was a suggestion, not an order. It’s perfectly fine for a grandparent to gift whatever they want to their grandchild, especially if they don’t like or don’t feel comfortable giving your suggestion.

It’s up to you to be clearer (“DS is desperate for this gift, so if you think you’ll give something different let me know so I can get it for him”) and also to teach your children how to handle minor disappointments.

You poor MIL getting hauled over the coals for buying her grandchild a nice book.

Agreed! Equally if he loved books about space and fantasy and a book about romance was given it would be a rubbish gift.

I don't think its ungrateful in the slightest... if someone asks you what to get someone, you suggest something specific and then they ignore it, it's like whats the point in asking?

They've asked for a reason, if they wanted to go rouge and just get anything, don't ask in the first place!

Budgets are tight these days and I don't blame any parents for asking ( when prompted ) family members to get certain things they know their children want to make sure the kids get everything they want without having to spread themselves thinly for birthdays/Christmas!

Which is fine, but if she wanted to get something different then don’t ask what he wants for his birthday.

An improvement on my parents, who just don't buy anything!

I’d definitely unwrap and return. He’s only asked for two things. I couldn’t watch the disappointment on his face as he unwraps and it’s not there.

I’m totally with you!

ignore everyone saying you’re ungrateful, they’ve clearly not understood the point of your post, and your frustrations.

Ignore everyone who suggests that this birthday is some sort of opportunity to teach your child a lesson. The poor kid only asked for two things, he hardly sounds demanding.

Ignore everyone who says a book that’s three years too advanced for him is a great gift, and you should be grateful, as surely ultimately buying a young child a present for their birthday is about getting them something they’ll be excited over and happy about.

Ignore everyone saying you’re moaning over something too trivial, you’re just having a little vent and this should be a safe space to do that in. We all need to air our frustrations!

I hope your son has a lovely birthday and enjoys all the thoughtful gifts you got him!

if it’s the same price range as a book then the plastic toy is not going to be anything special.
You sound materialistic & grabby great that your family go all out but seriously get a grip & just enjoy being together & be thankful he’s got people in his life who want to celebrate with him.

He might love the book.

Well, you now know that any suggestions your ML asks for may well be ignored. And that’s not an unreasonable thing. What happened to people giving the gift they want to give? And people being grateful for what they have been given.? And as for for treating each person‘s birthday like you can create some kind of wedding list where you tick off the list of things you want - I would love to see an end to that

If money allows, buy him the toy he asked for. I always buy the main things from us, everyone else can get the “extras”

My MIL used to absentmindedly forget my child's birthday frequently....which is bizarre given that it was the day after my FIL's!!!
No card, gift or phone call.... to the point the said child would ask me if she "didn't like him anymore".
Fast forward to her birthday which she would mention about a zillion times and post it all over SM & expect us to acknowledge it with cards/gifts etc ...

So I'd say be grateful for the gift...even if it is the "wrong one". Move on & accept it gracefully and if he's lucky enough to receive birthday pennies then he can buy his choice of toy then.
Hope he has a lovely birthday

My MIL used to absentmindedly forget my child's birthday frequently....which is bizarre given that it was the day after my FIL's!!!
No card, gift or phone call.... to the point the said child would ask me if she "didn't like him anymore".
Fast forward to her birthday which she would mention about a zillion times and post it all over SM & expect us to acknowledge it with cards/gifts etc ...

So I'd say be grateful for the gift...even if it is the "wrong one". Move on & accept it gracefully and if he's lucky enough to receive birthday pennies then he can buy his choice of toy then.
Hope he has a lovely birthday

Why should a child lie/fake something to a person who has given a gift? Because this is good manners, and something we have to learn, like using a knife and fork properly.

The suggestion doesn't need to take up much mental load... Just say, very generically, what they like to do and leave it there e.g "Florence likes [e.g. art/ card games/ football] at the moment" etc. Avoid saying "science" unless you want to be gifted a horrendously complicated science set that requires loads of parental input or - horror of horrors - a slime set that will destroy any furniture that it comes into contact with!

This is just my pov & not a criticism of your ways OP. I think many children are far too indulged on birthdays leading to a sense of entitlement & often a strop if they don't receive exactly what they want. When my house became filled with gifted toys I decided enough was enough. I systematically went through every toy & asked DC to say keep or donate. The donated toys then went to charity. I have no objection to new toys as long as we are not inundated with them. Clothes & educational toys are always appreciated too & my DC have learned never to complain. If something they have asked for is not provided on the day of the birthday they can buy it with birthday money later.
FWIW, I hate being given suggestions as to what gifts to buy children or adults. If I'm stuck for ideas I'll ask. My reason is often you can't find the exact item or it's way over the budget you've offered.

This.

Perhaps she thinks he is intelligent enough to enjoy the book anyway? Surely children do not stick rigidly to books within their 'reading age'; even if their reading skills aren't developed enough to read an 'older' book, what has happened to parents reading books to their children?

We agree on that.

Just an observation, but why do so many mums-netters hate on their in-laws so much? Every other post is about how much someone dislikes their MIL, or sometimes SIL, then when I read it, it is usually over the smallest thing. In this particular example, poor kid didn't get one of the plastic toys he wanted, ffs. He got a book instead, big deal, first world problems. When did people start being so sodding ungrateful? People should stop sweating the very small insignificant stuff, life is too short

She bought him a book that is three years too old for him when he asked for a toy. Seems more passive aggressive than loving and thoughtful to me.

Not at all. Children are children and say what they think. It isn't rude to point out you already have something. It's a fact and it wouldn't of happened if MIL had stuck to her end of the deal. Rude would have been calling it rubbish. Why should a child fake something or lie because of someone else?

Voting has closed but YABU. You should be glad on your DS's behalf that he has a loving gran who has thoughtfully chosen something she thought he'd like. It's fine to give gift suggestions if you are asked for them, but you shouldn't expect these to be set in stone. If you want him to have the toy, buy him one yourself instead.