MIL ignored gift idea

You sound horribly ungrateful.

It won’t hurt your child not to get every single toy they ever ask for, actually it’ll be good for them to learn that can sometimes happen.

A book is a nice gift, and one he can grow into.

You’re teaching your child to be as ungrateful as you are, it’s not a pleasant trait.

Ordering people around about what gifts to buy and then complaining about them may well lead to no gifts whatsoever.

Reminds me of a sibling of mine who kept asking what to get DD and I gave very simple suggestions e.g. toy doll, books, dress etc and said just not shoes as I have literally got her so many as I never get the size right and I end up keeping them for her to grow into. Guess what, sibling decided to get her not one but two pairs. One pair of were too small and the other occasion shoes she will very likely not be needing. I still struggle to understand why. I think your MIL is just not a very nice person imo, next time don’t give any suggestions at all.

When is the birthday?

You seem to be doing everything birthday related, where is DH in this?

He can unwrap and take back presents, then rewrap new one?

He does need to be included.

A book three years too old for him? Why? I’m a voracious reader and a book that isn’t suitable to read for three years to read for the birthday boy is a rubbish present imo.

A suggestion is just that, not a contract so you are unreasonable to have suggested to her something he really wants. Also, being honest, a book is a great present.

I never get why people bother asking for suggestions if they’re not going to use them. We’ve had this happen too, with BIL and SIL. I’ve given them a suggestion of something not expensive that DD really wanted when they’ve asked, and they’ve got something totally different- and they barely know her because they’re just not bothered about seeing her. I ask for suggestions for my nieces and nephews because I want to get things they’d love, and if I can take something off my brothers’ lists for their DCs I always feel that’s helpful, and they always say they appreciate it.

Sorry, I don't mean to sound ungrateful
There's just history

My mum does this. She'll ask for a present idea for one of my teenage daughters. I'll give her one and even send the link. She won't act on it because she's too disorganised and then end up giving them money, because "that's what they really wanted."
It's incredibly annoying.

It's frustrating OP. My ex' family do the same. They never listen.

I always ask DS for a list of things he might like. He loves fantasy novels, computer games, and bike accessories, which usually feature heavily on his list.

Every year, they get him Man Utd football strip - that horrible slimy polyester material. DS has no interest in football and would never wear it. It costs a fortune and goes in the charity bag every year. Self help books (for a child - wtf!). And socks with dogs or cats on. They both go in the recycling.

The only positive is hopefully Cancer Research get a decent amount for the football strip.

It's puzzling how anyone can be so tone deaf, but PPs have the best idea. Take your ds shopping with his 'birthday money'. Nice for him to be very grown-up and choose and buy it' himself.'

I definitely learned not to suggest anything that DS had set his heart on to MIL because you could guarantee that it would never materialise but something cheap and "similar" would, because she really thought it was the same.

@Memo88 assume your child is fairly young. not getting a toy he wanted is not the end of the world. he will probably forget about it. and books are a great present. even if it is above his reading age, you could read it to him or he can enjoy it later.

ultimately choice of the gift is with the giver. although it is a little rude to ask for suggestions and then not get that.
I think it's too small an issue for anyone to stress over.

This is the absolute worst. Buying stuff for sets that doesn't actually go with it or match what they need!

My sister's in-laws do this. With 3 dc and limited space she’s careful with what she buys. They have a brio train set so when she asked for a specific brio engine she got a large plastic train set. The request for a small Lego set led to a huge vat of “Lego ”incompatable” bricks etc. Could you put something away for Christmas and get him the toy he wants for his Birthday?

This happened for my daughters first couple of birthdays/Christmas' from my side of the family they hounded me everyday for gift ideas and asked me to send links, only to go out and buy something completely different, I was mainly annoyed at having to scroll through the internet for ideas more that anything when clearly they could think of gifts themselves.

Now I just say colouring in stuff, she loves it, I know it will get used and I don't have to waste time finding stuff to send them. Just give her a vague suggestion next time, and not the main pressies you know for certain the kids want.

Next time, say 'You normally choose your own gift, so I've already shared out the ideas I have to others'.

My MIL did this but always chose something my children weren't interested in because she never bothered to get to know them.

Ignore the people who say you're ungrateful. If she wants to chose a gift for him then she should get to know him better. Otherwise it'll end up as an unused gift, which is a waste.

Or she could, perhaps, get her grandson the thing he actually wants, instead of using a child’s birthday as a vehicle for the demonstration of her moral superiority.

The child has only asked for two things. That’s a very small ask, and turning her nose up and deciding to get him something she personally considers a more improving gift is joyless and self-centred of her. He’s not a demanding kid and it’s not unreasonable for his mum to want him to have the only two toys he’s said he really wants on his birthday.

If MIL wants to buy the child a book he won’t be able to read, why bother to ask what he wanted in the first place? It’s twattish to ask what he most wants and then refuse to buy it for him when it’s within her budget.

It would have been every bit as miserable of her if he had asked for a book three years above his reading age that he desperately wanted, and she’d said “He’s got enough books and that one’s too hard for him so I’ve got him a plastic toy he’s shown no interest in owning instead.” It’s tedious to make a child’s birthday about what she wants, rather than what he wants.

Yes , and ungrateful.

Agree with this. It's a suggestion, an idea, it's not compulsory for her to get it.

My DPs family never ask for ideas and buy whatever takes their fancy but whatever it is will be 3/4 years too young. They don't see my DC that often but always get the age wrong.

I always tell people what I’ve bought for precisely this reason. It’s not fair to take a good present idea then not buy the present.

Isn't it annoying when people do this? My DH used to do it, but when having unwrapped my gifts one year, I found the one thing that I really wanted was missing, so the next day I went out and bought it for myself. He questioned why I'd done that, so I told him that he'd asked for suggestions and so when I'd told him that I'd REALLY, REALLY like such and such, I'd expected him to get it for me, and was disappointed that he hadn't. He said that he didn't like buying me things I was expecting, so we decided that the best thing to do was for me to come up with a list of things I'd like, with my most important gift highlighted at the top of the list, but that I would give him a choice, ie, this year I've asked for a new handbag, I've done a list with links to the ones I like, and I'll be happy with anything on the list. He therefore knows that he'll be making me happy by buying me a bag, but he'll be happy as it will be a surprise for me when I open it, as I won't know which one he's chosen.

However, Grandparents often don't approve of our choices for various reasons, and so as others have said, your best bet is to have a list of gifts for other people, and a list of things for you, with his/her most desperate wishes only on YOUR list. That way you know that if there's something they're desperate for, that they're not going to be disappointed.

This drives me nuts! I would firmly add her to the category of people that when asked you give very loose ideas to: ‘he’s really enjoying space at the moment so maybe something space themed’.
With immediate family, when they ask me what to get for DS I would always assume they are asking for a specific item because they want to get something off of his list. Otherwise why ask! When my parents, in laws or brother ask what can they get DS for his birthday I tend to send a link to whatever it is, cross it off of my mental list and move on!

@Memo88 don’t give her a list again. Direct her to your husband, and if she asks just say you chose not to use the list last time 🤷🏻‍♀️

If she asks again just say "please let me know whether or not you end up buying suggested gift for DS so I know what to get him myself".

It’s a suggestion. She doesn’t have to do it. It’s on your list anyway, so it’s hardly ‘mental load’. I couldn’t get worked up about stuff like this.