Adult children having partners overnight

I think this is so difficult. You want DC to be safe, but also don't want your home to be used as a knocking shop.

I've never actually said no when my DSs wanted to bring someone home, but they've never asked until things were getting serious. I don't get introduced to casual GFs!

Does the man want to come to her parents' house for sex?!

Honestly, I wish to god I could have stayed with my parents to that age and beyond. I was struggling to afford to feed myself at 19 and her biggest worry is her lovely summer fling being ruined by mean old mummy. You've done that for her, you have been a decent supportive parent and made her life easy so that she can a university education that will make her entire life better and easier and she wants to disrespect you and argue with you about not wanting to bring a stranger into your home to stay the night? Stand your ground.

I think YABU. You've met him, she knows him, he lives far away, it's her home too. I think you should let her have a summer romance.

I don't relate to this banning of boyfriends/lovers (casual or otherwise) from staying overnight with adult children and I am quite old (50). My mother would allow me to have casual boyfriends overnight and so would my friends' parents with them. My children aren't at this stage yet but I can't imagine me, nor any of my friends with teen children, applying this rule.

But I guess it's your house, you can do what you like.

I think it's up to you, it's your house and your rules. If you're not comfortable with him staying over, you're perfectly within your rights to say no. Can't she stay at his place?

ok

@Sladuf so was I, but my parents were ok with boyfriends staying and so were most of my friends’ parents. We often didn’t want our bf/gf to stay though as didn’t want them getting the third degree from parents 😂

Tell her to take him to her own place if she wants a lovely summer fling. Oh she doesn't have her own place? She wants to continue her education while staying with you, presumably for free or very cheaply? well then she lives by your rules until she can have her own place. Until then she puts up with it in order to get to the place she wants to be. That's life poppet. Suck it up. She might want to think about showing a little gratitude too.

It's a no from me. It's not a carousel yet but could well become one. Long term relationship, fine, but it's really up to you who you have in your house.

I was in your daughter’s position about 17 years ago . I don’t think you’re unreasonable. Ar the end of the day you and she don’t know this person really and you’d have valid concerns about strangers in the house. That would be the line I’d take.

Every friend I had either had to book a hotel for a night or the other half/person had their own place - not their parents’ place. That’s the way it was and I don’t think things have moved on that much in this respect since 2007!

I think her saying you’re slut shaming her is a load of twaddle. All you can do is give her advice but she may well in a few years regret certain encounters. I know I do! 😊

Your Gisele, if she doesn't like it she can find somewhere else. I'm not that old, but I'm so shocked at how people treat their parents these days!

You're approaching it from the wrong angle. This isn't about judging her, her sex life, her choices, her relationships or really anything about her. Its about you feeling comfortable in your home and not wanting some man you barely know staying the night.
If you put it like that she really doesn't have an argument but right now she's doing the normal teenage thing of thinking its all about her when it's not.
Tell her she can have any kind of sex she likes with her boyfriend if she does it elsewhere and leaves your home out of it.

hm.. at least she has asked you and not just sneaked him in while you were asleep, so shes showing an elemet of respect.

but at the end of the day, your house, your rules

For me, it’s not about them having sex under my roof, it’s that I wouldn’t be comfortable with a strange man sleeping in my house.

What deems as a long term relationship though? It's a tricky one. I wouldn't like it because I wouldn't be keen on bumping into a chap I don't know/hardly know when going to the loo in the early hours etc. I would expect to be introduced and get to know him before welcoming him to the inner sanctum. Maybe if you have a huge house and en suite bathrooms?

Is this someone you have met / been introduced to? I think you have a right to know who is staying in your house, but I would trust my dc to decide when to have a partner to stay. At uni she will be doing what she wants anyway.

My advice to you OP would be to pick your battles. As your DD has pointed out, she's been living life as an adult woman for the last year, making her own decisions, which you brought her up and taught her to do, so how can you now expect to put your foot down just because she wants to have sex with someone who she's not been seeing for long. Have you never heard of one night stands? Also, how do you feel about the prospect that they might have had sex in a club toilet before coming back to yours, but you're telling her she can't have sex in the safety of her own bed? Sorry, but your view seems rather old fashioned to me.

I don’t want random people in my house overnight.

For an adult child, I would consider a very long term partner, who wanted to come visit while she was staying at home. Long term defined by a couple of years in a committed relationship.

Long term relationship sleep overs only here. And been an acceptable rule according to the adult dc. They have younger siblings and accept me not wanting randoms staying here.

I think it depends what your problem with it is. If it’s that you don’t like having people in the house then that’s fair enough as it’s your house. If it’s that you don’t agree with her having sex with someone she’s known for however long then that’s different and she’d be right to point out sex positivity/slut shaming etc

Neither of you ABU, yes she can live as she pleases when she is at uni, you dont have to allow her to live as she pleases in your home.

Personally, I dont think I'd have a problem with it, but as I'm not in that situation, its hard to be 100% sure

I would rather that my kids were having sex at my house where it is safe.