Adult children having partners overnight

@Sladuf But we're thinking about this as adults. Two 19 year old students probably can't afford a hotel room for a night, and certainly not on the regular to start a relationship.

It's a difficult situation, there's no right answer. But it's just important to remember that if they don't have anywhere to go they'll just find somewhere and that place will likely be inappropriate.

Then again, that might also provide her with amusing memories when she's a 42 year old married mother of two 😂

Does she pay rent?

Tell her that if she wants to share her bed with men who are strangers to you then she needs to either rent her own place through the summer or book a hotel.

I think everyone's different and you have to go with what you think is right - if you ask for opinions you are going to get 20 different opinions! She's your daughter, it's your house, you have to do what YOU feel comfortable with. It sounds like you don't really want him to stay over so you can just say no. You don't have to justify it to her or anyone else.

YANBU
Once she's back at uni he can pop over there and stay with her. It's not long to wait. In the meantime there's hotels or she can go to his place.
Otherwise you're pretty much opening the door to her bringing numerous future boyfriends back. It will be hard to say no once you've allowed this on to stay over. You have a right to feel comfortable in your own house.

Not a chance!!! Some bloke she's known 5 minutes? No way!

I agree with this. And I'm only in my early 30s and have been with my DH since we were 18 so it's not too distant a memory that we had these sorts of conversations with my DPs!

We got engaged pretty quickly and he was then allowed to stay over at my DPs with me in the summer break, but they insisted on separate rooms...their prerogative though and we respected and accepted that (they are religious). Another 18m later and we lived together and had gotten married but as students we still had the odd month here or there in between lets where we mostly stayed with my DPs. No way would they have let me have a short term love interest stay over in their house and I would never have even asked them for that. I wouldn't want a random person staying in my house now tbh! It's perfectly fine that you don't feel comfortable with it. It's not necessarily got anything to do with views on sex or relationships just your own comfort in your own house, that's not unreasonable.

I consider myself very old fashioned and never brought anyone home to stay. However if I were you I would think really hard before saying “no”.
Since meeting him first time your DD decided to see him
again and again. Yes, it looks like a summer fling atm but there is no guarantee it will stay like this. Who knows, it might be your future SIL.
I would use this as an opportunity to meet him and get to know him better. Ask him lots of questions during breakfast about his past, his family, his life goals etc. If this relationship has some future they will survive, if not … you won’t lose much.
And if your DD won’t like it, fair enough, she won’t do it again

Well, I can relate to this. That’s one encounter I regret!! The guy should stump up and book a hotel in my opinion and it says a lot if he doesn’t/won’t but that’s my opinion.

I’m hearing a certain Beatles song while reading this thread… Why Don’t We Do It In The Road! Sorry, OP!

When you are comfortable.

It's as simple as that. You really need to trust your own feelings and judgement here.

It's NOT unreasonable to not want an adult man you do not know sleeping overnight in your house. This is not about casual sex or slut shaming or any of those ideas your daughter wants to throw at you thinking she is cleverer than you and can shame you into doing something you don't want to do. It's about how you feel. And those feelings are valid. Tell her to stop invalidating you.

I don't think it's anything to do with sex.vits to do with having people in your home for prolonged periods of time who you don't know very well. In the same way that I have a number of friends but only a handful where we'd go and. stay in each others houses for the weekend. Its uncomfortable having people in your house who you have to make small talk with especially when it's not just over breakfast. Its bad of her to expect you to put in the effort to get to know someone to the point of being comfortable enough with them to have them stay over, knowing that you're not likley to be around for long. That would be the same if they were having sex or just lying around all night talking. She is making it all about her when it's about how you feel about people in your home

Your house your rules.

you need to think about why it bothers YOU.

your daughters sex life is none of your business, she is an adult and can sleep with as many men as she choses her reputation is her business.

personally i would be inclinded to say yes as she has asked and also becuase now youve said you do know him.

YANBU

No I wouldn't have him stay. Once she goes back to uni she can do what she likes. My oldest is 23 and she's not allowed boys to stay

For me I wouldn’t give a toss about the sex part, I just wouldn’t want some randomer staying in MY house.

You shouldn't feel uncomfortable in your own home and if it might make you feel uncomfortable to have a relative stranger staying in the house, then it's ok to say no and it shouldn't be considered unreasonable.

It is your house your rules - and I do sympathise as a parent - but do be aware that if you don't let them stay over and they don't have anywhere else to go (what's his living situation?) then they'll end up banging in a field or on a car in a supermarket car park. I'm afraid I'm speaking from experience here. As the former 19 year old with strict parents.

I don't think it's about DD having sex, but about OP's home having a constant steam of strangers.

Definitely that factor affected my decisions too and also the whole awkwardness of other people overhearing!! Bad enough if you ever overheard your parents. 😱

You don't want a revolving door of random now that she's OLD. She can't invite him up to uni if she wants him to stay over so badly or go stay with him. She's 19, I don't think she's an adult who can do whatever she wants. She's just barely one who still needs to have respect for others at home.

I’d been with my now dh 5 years before I was allowed to stay over with him. We were both 23. I think this is a bit extreme, but I also think your dd is unreasonable here. I can understand you not wanting a string of men staying over. What she does at uni is her business, but this isn’t uni so she needs to show a bit more respect for your feelings.

This is not really about her.
I would not want a stranger in my house so no reason why you should feel guilty not wanting one either!

I think you’re being unreasonable. She’s an adult, she can sleep with someone after a few weeks. You are judging her decisions. Banning him from overnight stays won’t stop the sex anyway.