Adult children having partners overnight

@Happyearlyretirement That is a very good point. Same here. I've never had sex with my actual husband while we're staying at my parents' house.

Could you compromise on him staying in a separate room?

Well that’s fine; that’s your choice. But I’m just saying we have always said no. And that’s okay too. You can have whatever rules you like as long as you’re clear about it.

I'd be uncomfortable with a random male no-one has known very long staying at my house if it were me. My parents let my sister's boyfriend stay when we were that age and I found it creepy having him around.

Absolutely agree with this poster. I’ve now got 2 post uni young adults. They only bring back partners that they are committed to at the time and we welcome them. If my husband and I thought they were bringing randoms home it would be a big No, get a travel lodge. I think they understand the unwritten rules and the world has made bed on ax even as a married couple we were embarrassed to sleep together at our parents houses.

We have a dd aged 21 and she has never been allowed to have boyfriends stay over. Ever. She has gone to university and no doubt has people to stay there in her room / house share but I like my own space at home and I’m not prepared to put up with another adult in the house for the sake of dds sex life. No thanks.

Well yes so was I @Sladuf but there's no way I could have afforded to stump up for a hotel just to have sex though.

With no younger siblings at home I think I would agree to this. At 6 weeks and coming back to the parents i would be a bit concerned about it not being exclusive. I'd have a couple of red flags about this which would mean the last thing I would do is ban them from coming

Can you be a bit more honest with us about what the issue actually is? The slut shaming comment does make me wonder if you're religious, traditional or just old fashioned etc.

I don't think it is about her knowing him longer it is about when you know him better so that will be when he has spent some time with you.

I met my husband very shortly after my previous relationship ended (that lasted a year). I was 19, and about to go to uni. My parents let him visit during the day (one time we were home alone), and by christmas he was staying over night. It could have been a summer fling since we met on Tinder, but we made long distance work (we're still together 7 years on).

Just offering some younger perspective.

You could offer to have him stay for dinner (but not stay the night) and get to know him more? It could be a no for now, and then you can agree once you feel like you know him enough to feel comfortable with it.

Imo, they're going to have sex regardless. Wouldn't you prefer that they'd do it somewhere safe? That's why my mum let me have boyfriends stay over (after meeting them beforehand of course).

Well that is true! 😉

Re the lack of finances, I tell you students these days don’t know they’re born. I was working 2 part time jobs and doing paid project work for the university during the summer months between years 1 and 2 and 2 and 3.

Why cant she stay his? Or does he still live with mummy too?

I don't really get the reasons for the sneer here. Surely most teenage university students go home to their parent(s) in the holidays? OP's DD and the boy involved have both done the same thing – this is the norm, isn't it?

The problem is she’s choosing to date someone who lives 2 hours away when she doesn’t have her own place. If he lived locally it’d be much easier and he wouldn’t need to stay. You don’t need to bend your own rules because she’s made a poor choice of holiday romance.

As it's your home it's whatever you feel comfortable with.

I don’t think either of yous are particularly in the wrong, she likes a new guy and wants to spend time with him. You don’t want a strange man in your home overnight. I would just have an adult chat with her and come to a compromise, he can come over for dinner, they can hang in her room and do as they please (but keep the noise down) but you don’t particularly want an unknown man in YOUR home overnight where you feel more vulnerable walking about in night clothes, potentially having awkward run ins at the bathroom in the middle of the night or in the morning. If it ends up a longer term thing and you get to know him you will re-assess. If they are desperate to spend the night together, go to his or a hotel.

Your house your rules, if you don’t feel comfortable with it that’s final. No explanation needed. If she doesn’t like it she can work and pay for lodgings elsewhere. She’s an adult now.

actually i disagree with your comment about the dating scene having a quick turn around, but i can only base this on my own DD.

at 22 she still lives at home, saving for a house and just finished uni. she explained the complexities of dating to me, and its not all wham, bam thank you mam now for teens.

there's a whole criteria she has to go through before she considers sleeping with a partner! its all very complicated and seems to be the rule not the exception

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. My adult children are free to have overnight guests whenever they like as long as they give us a heads up that there's someone else here (so we don't go to the loo in our pants). If I thought one of mine was behaving in an unhealthy or unsafe way I would talk to them about it, but policing their relationships isn't something I would do. And I understand that some people don't want "strangers" in the house, but with two young adult kids that ship sailed long ago. There's usually a spare youth or two upstairs, or a gaggle of them in the garden or whatever. They won't be here forever, I want them to feel at home here and I'd much rather they were safe.

Nope. Only allowed eldest dd when she was in a committed relationship. And it kept her in good stead.

The dating scene has a very quick turn around these days. Ignore the slut Shane and sex positivity bull shit. It’s your home and you don’t want different lads traipsing through your home. She can do what she likes else where.

Why cant she stay his? Or does he still live with mummy too?

I wouldn’t mind, but my mum was fine with it too. She’s old enough to make her own decisions.

Feels very old fashioned, my folks said rather you’re safe. I’d try to discourage short relationships sleeping over but if she wanted I’d accept.