Why are people dropping me like a hot potato? Is there something inherently wrong with me :(

not read full thread but could it be an age thing? I have found the further I get into my 40s the less available people are in general. Family commitments and so on. Long term friendships drop off the cliff! Sad but think it's to do with life stage and age.

So there is something different about you that makes people de-prioritise you .
I dislike some of the phrases you are using to respond to the OP. You don’t even know them. None of us do. It could just be a phase they are going through.

Ageee with above, this is what I mean, sometimes it is helpful to reflect and get some professional advice. There are lots of people who keep friends throughout their life regardless of kids etc. So there is something different about you that makes people deprioritise you. You need to find out what that is.

Agree with some other posters that there may be something you’re doing. I’ve got three friends who have partner problems - I can’t stand one partner; another can’t stand me (I presume - he’s very rude!); the third insists on coming with her wherever she goes and we don’t want him there all the time. We still manage some meets though, but it’s when the friend seems oblivious that there’s an issue - do they offer to meet at theirs/at a restaurant when you ask them round?
Other friends are deep in the kids phase and will only do things with kids, and only talk about how exhausted they now are, which is boring though we do still see them.
Others are impossible to pin down due to crazy diaries. I presume for the diaries ones I’m not their top priority, but I’d be surprised if my closest friends all started acting off with me. Are you sure you haven’t offended anyone? I have one friend whose house is so dirty nobody wants to go over there, and she seems to have no idea even after people have on occasion been open about it.

I think it's also useful to remember that thing about 'friends for a reason, friends for a season' or whatever the phrase is. I have friends from my NCT group where the majority of chit chat is around our 2 year olds - biting, potty training, boundaries, tantrums, night routine etc. I could talk about it for dayssss with them. I don't bring that stuff up to my uni gang, as I'm one of the only ones with kids, and that's boring and unrelatable for them.

It could be that you've just drifted from people who were friends for a reason, and now that reason has gone, the friendship isn't really there anymore?

He's not called Jeffrey is he? Lol!

Had a similar experience with a good friend. Had to back away in the end as I couldn't understand how she could love such a brazen racist/xenophobe/incelly weirdo. I'm not white! Anyway, years on they're both happily living in their xenophobic, extreme right wing, conspiracy theorist bubble so as sad as it was it was the right thing to do.

You don't have a new partner do you...
This happened to an acquaintance of mine, she complained to me about it happening and I was equally baffled as she seemed really nice!
Then I met her new boyfriend and he made a racist joke and then a really horrible sexist remark about a woman we both knew within an hour of us meeting... obviously as she was an acquaintance i could just avoid her, but it did make me have a conversation with another friend who was present on how I'd find it very difficult to be friends with someone who would choose to date someone like that? Nobody is perfect, and people have different opinions and quirks but I would think very differently about a friend who was happy to date a racist and would probably back away...

@Mairzydotes

I agree and it probably is not be the OP’s fault. But unfortunately the nature of the beast is that people are not drawn to people who give the impression of feeling sorry for themselves. You have to give yourself the best chance you can.

I find your last two points may be a result of how the op has started to feel , rather than the initial cause.

One may come across as needy and talking about themselves if they feel like they aren't often included in social situations.

Yes, but we're all at that stage right now and the vast majority of us still manage to listen from time to time and not dominate every conversation.

Having small children is not an excuse for completely ignoring/glossing over things like a friend's cancer battle, an in law's life threatening surgery, hearing a friend say they are worrying they might lose their home, struggling to buy food and chipping in with, "Ohmygosh, I'm so sorry but I'm SURE another job will come up soon. By the way did I show you this pair of shoes I've ordered from Christian Louboutin? I had a ten percent discount code so they were only £635 instead of £695!" The last one is a genuine example that really happened.

It's ok that some of us can only talk about chicken pox and teething that week but it doesn't mean we can't listen, and reciprocate questions. And to be honest I know my friends don't want to listen to me drone on for 25mins about scab crust formation and the exact temperature readings of my two kids over a 72 hour period...so I don't do it. I try and make a point of having something else to talk about...even if it's shared experiences from the past, a goal for the future, a new recipe I've tried that they might like or anything that isn't toddler related. And more importantly...once I've contributed to the conversation, I listen to what other people are saying.

I honestly think "well I have young kids, what else can I talk about?" is a bit of a cop out. Bearing in mind we're all at least 5 years in with our eldests. It takes a bit of effort but there is other stuff to discuss if we try.

I'm also the organiser in my group, and one of my friends confessed recently that she wanted to arrange and invite people to things but she was far too anxious and it wound her up thinking about it because she really hates being rejected. I didn't really think of it like that before, but I guess for some people it's a really big factor. And then if you're seeing those people out and about it's because they've been invited by someone else.

I also have some friends where they just aren't bothered. They would come out and do something if I asked, but equally they'd be happy at home doing their own thing and be just as happy. So I know I have to make the effort there.

The people I find make the most effort are the ones who live alone. After that, couples. And there's no point trying to stay friends with people who have kids if you don't have them, it's impossible.

So definitely try to make friends with people who are easier to be friends with! Meetup is a good shout.

To be fair a LOT of people who have small children talk about nothing else. I suppose there’s not much else they’re doing when the kids are very young and it’s stressful as well. So no-one is at their most entertaining at that point in life lol.

People drop out of stuff far more than they ever did, and sometimes it is very last minute, so factor this into your plans and expect to have a big drop out rate for anything that is organised. This happens to everyone, it is not personal.

Secondly, make your life brighter by organising events and fun meet ups, remember you are not doing it for them, you are doing it for you.

If you would like them to invite you back, why not say how much it means to you when you are invited and also appreciate it when someone else organises something. Some people are struggling so you have to factor in the peaks and troughs of life.

If you feel you are giving too much, then do things that are low key and cost very little, and then you won't have that sense of giving too much of yourself.

Join new hobbies, womens groups and other social activities.

It’s impossible for anyone on here to answer this properly because we don’t know you or your personality or your friends. A couple of things jump to mind:

a) By far the most likely explanation is just that people of our age and stage are busy and tired. Parents of young children often don’t have time or bandwidth to do anything more than just keep their lives ticking over. It gets exponentially harder when people have families. You have to lower your expectations a bit at this stage of life.
b) I do detect in your posts a degree of (possibly justified) self pity. I don’t know if you are expressing this when you are in social situations but I would focus on keeping a lid on this. No one likes spending time with someone who feels sorry for themselves or is paranoid or needy about friendships. Maybe you are showing this with friends, maybe you are not but keep an eye on it. It is brutal and unfair but it will scare people off if you appear to be too needy with people.
c) It might be worth doing a bit of an “audit” of your communication style and ask yourself if you are always doing what you can to be an effective and attractive friend.

I think it's always a good idea to have a bit of reflection on your own friendship style, just to make sure you're not the one who always talks about herself/her kids/ is negative etc etc. It's also good to be generous and think that other people are busy and a bit thoughtless.

But there's no doubt that there is a significant proportion of people who are just plain selfish. You see it on MN frequently- people who have accepted an invitation to do something, then something more appealing pops up, and they want to cancel the first invitation. The marginally less selfish of that group will tie themselves in knots trying to justify why they 'should' go to the more appealing event.

Or, the number of people who are just 'too busy' to send a 30 second text to accept an invitation to a child's birthday party.

And so on.

"Why should I?" seems to be an increasingly popular way of thinking, in my opinion, and it doesn't do society any good at all.

OP there's an app called Meet Up (I think) that gives details of various group events (hobbies, walks and so on)- it might be worth having a look on there to see if anything takes your fancy. You could find new friends who are more on your wavelength.

A small point, but even teens can keep you super busy. Don't underestimate that part.

I do think if it keeps happening with different people there is often something at the heart, like pp have said. Not necessarily anything WRONG with you OP but could life be taking you in different directions?
Are you at different life stages?
Do you have a tendency to be negative?
Different political views?
Vastly different incomes?
Could you be unwittingly self absorbed, as a previous poster has said?

It’s hard for any of us to say on here. I am sorry though, it feels rubbish to be on that side of it.

Just as long as they realise they can’t expect their friends to wait around for ever for them to be less busy if they are not prepared to put in even minimal effort.

It's really hard to say why without knowing you OP.

I sometimes feel like I wouldn't see certain friends unless I organise it, but then I remind myself that it's just a habit we've fallen into - I am the organiser.

However, like a pp, I also have a friend that a lot of mutual friends have backed off from, and I've thought about doing too. This friend is relentlessly negative, and for the 10 plus years I've known her has been moaning to me about the same things, yet she never takes any steps to fix her problems and I find her draining. All the advice would be to not let that sort of negativity into my life, but because I think she's a nice, kind person at heart I can't bring myself to dump her. Others have though, as I say.

You’re really not.

Is there a local charity like an animal charity or Women's Aid you could volunteer with? Or a hobby you'd like to take up that would help you meet new like minded people?

Sometimes you just need to put those efforts into something that will make you feel better and add value to your life overall than feel rejected and outcast by existing relationships. Take back the power for your self esteem 💐

I'm in exactly the same position. I don't have any answers but just wanted to say that you aren't alone.