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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be honest with my kids about danger

30 replies

Flossyts · 29/07/2024 18:43

what a horrific horrible event in Southport today. My heart goes out to those poor kids and their families.
It terrifies me as a mother and also makes me wonder whether my kids would know what to do in such a scary situation. Would they know to leave the building for example despite at the beginning of the session having been being expressly told not to. My autistic son would perhaps not.
My kids were telling me that they were talking to a neighbour in the woods (they weren’t in the woods, our garden backs onto the woods). They thought it’s ok because he’s not a stranger. (Despite having been told that not all dangerous ppl are strangers) I told them about the Soham murders (2 young girls murdered by their school caretaker). They don’t seem ‘distressed’ by this, but still I wonder if I’ve take it too far. I don’t want to make therm terrified of everything but at the same time I’m petrified that I don’t give them enough info to stay safe. My son wants to walk home from school from next year (aged 10) and although it’s only 5 mins village walk it scares the life of me.
AIBU for being honest and scaring the kids a little? Has anyone had this backfire?

OP posts:
Sugarlily · 29/07/2024 19:20

The Soham murders were 22yrs ago. These tragedies make headlines because they’re rare. There’s no point purposefully terrifying them - just teach them so streetwise skills.

TeenToTwenties · 29/07/2024 19:14

You need to talk about circles of safety or something.
Eg There is Mum and Dad.
There are wider family
Mummy 's friends who come to the house and we all go out with, and you have been to their house.
There are other school parents we chat to but don't socialise with.
There are neighbours and hairdressers etc.

Who to accept sweets from, who to accept a left from when it is pouring down with rain, who to share news with etc.

BunsenBurnerBaby · 29/07/2024 19:08

Google “safety rules for children” for some ideas. The key is to empower not terrify.

BunsenBurnerBaby · 29/07/2024 19:06

i think this is your anxiety. We had “safety rules” which included what to do if lost but I actually work quite hard to get the balance right between knowing risks exist but not being terrified to live and be independent.

Sahara123 · 29/07/2024 19:03

Hmmm im not sure your examples stack up if Im honest. In the first one , I don't think you should be telling them to leave the building, you don't want children randomly wandering, but to follow the staff instructions. And i don't see the harm in talking to neighbours they know over the fence. I don't personally think that scaring them is a good idea, these awful stories are thankfully rare , although are so publicised now with social media etc. As long as you teach them the basics eg don't get into cars, houses etc without parents knowing - we used a safe word, private touching and secrets are not ok , then we have to equip them to go out into the world with confidence. And that can be hard, I know . A 10 year old walking 5 minutes to school seems fine to me, mine did, but I built up to it with road crossing practice etc. At secondary school they may be catching buses etc so best to build up confidence gradually.
There was a thread earlier about giving children confidence, independence is a big part of this. I know its scary but sometimes you have to take a deep breath and let them go.

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